If your friends acted like your pets, you might not keep them around.
Posted on 03/31/2017 5:57:04 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
First
The summer
was terrible
for Humpty Dumpty,
but he had
a great fall.
Answer down below.
"If you are sleeping,
send me your dreams.
If you are laughing,
send me your smile.
If you are eating,
send me a bite.
If you are drinking,
send me a sip.
If you are crying,
send me your tears.
I love you."
He replied........
"I am sitting on the toilet,
what should I do?"
StupidRun it through the spokes!
I wish mirrors and pictures would get together and agree on what I really look like.
Oh, I'm sorry! Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
Everything you do becomes louder when you're trying not to wake someone up.
"I can't figure it out doc, and I'm really worried," said the husband. "My testicles are turning blue."
"That's pretty unusual," said the doctor. "Let me examine you." The doctor takes a look. Sure enough, the Redneck's testicles are blue.
The doctor turns to the wife. "Are you using the diaphragm that I prescribed?"
"Yes, I am," she replied.
"And what kind of jelly are you using with it?"
"Grape"
President Trump took an aerial tour of the proposed pipeline route through Standing Rock Indian Reservation earlier this week.
When he returned he said that all went reasonably well.
h/t June
The cow said, "I give 20 quarts of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest!"
The ant said, "I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!"
Well? Come on... it's YOUR TURN to say something.
h/t JP
That's a picture of Democrats waiting in line to vote.
Top ten!
Ralph & Edna
Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna’s heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, ‘Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love... I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.
Edna replied, ‘He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry.
How soon can I go home?’
In!
top 10
Happy Friday (unless you’re driving 2into Atl today)
IN!!
Little Johnny
Teacher: If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven, Sir.
Teacher: No, listen carefully... If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?
Johnny: Seven, Sir.
Teacher: Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many would you have?
Johnny: Six.
Teacher: Good. Now if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?
Johnny: Seven!!! SIR!
A very angry Teacher: Where in the hell do you get seven from?!?!?
A very angry Johnny: Because,.... I’ve already got a effin’ cat!!!
TOP 15! WOO HOO IT’S FRIDAY!! I’M FEELING SILLY!!!!
Putting on my friday face.
dogs
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