Posted on 03/23/2017 1:43:04 PM PDT by JoeProBono
For reasons only known to the Internet Gods, this question has been asked hundreds, if not thousands, of times – and, in the process, transformed from a silly hypothetical into a full-blown meme.
The “horse-size duck vs duck-size horses” quandary apparently originated with a 2003 reader letter to the U.K.’s Metro newspaper, but the theoretical battle scenario rose to national prominence last August after a Reddit user posed the question to President Barack Obama during his “Ask Me Anything” interview with the community. Alas, the president ignored the question – but plenty of others have given their take, from “Mythbusters” co-host Jamie Hyneman to New York Times columnist Nicholas Kristof.
“Definitely one horse-sized duck,” wrote Kristof. “Then I’d distract it with some cracked corn and, as it gobbled it up, I’d jump on its back and take it for a flight. I’m too poor to afford a private plane, so a personal horse-sized duck would be a nice alternative.”
Now, you might be thinking, “What the hell does a newspaper columnist know about opening a can of whoop-ass on mythical beasts?” This isn’t poverty in Africa we’re talking about here. This is war. So rather than rely on Kristof’s uneducated opinion, we reached out to some real experts who can settle this matter once and for all.
The first thing to take into consideration is that ducks are nature’s wusses. “Ducks are not really a real feisty sort of animal,” says Dr. Kevin McGowan, an ornithologist (read: bird scientist) at Cornell University. If their nest is threatened, “they will bite. They will rush at a small predator,” he says. But McGowan doubts that even a duck that weighs 1,000 pounds – the size of an average horse – would cause much damage with its bite.
“Bring on your biggest duck,” he says, “I’d stick my finger in its mouth.”
Duck bills are, you see, relatively flat, which means the force of their bite is spread out over a large surface area. A horse-sized duck would probably have the ability to grab hold of you and dunk you, causing you to drown, says McGown. But the bite itself wouldn’t cause much injury. For a duck to have any real power to its bite, it would need to have either a sharp bill, like an eagle, or teeth – think something along the lines of a duck-wolverine hybrid. Now that would be something to worry about. But if all we’re talking about is a giant duck, well, whoopdy freakin’ doo.
And forget about any “death from above” scenarios, too. According to McGowan, there’s no way a horse-sized duck could get off the ground.
“If you go from a duck that’s one foot tall to a 10-foot-tall duck, you have to have more than 10 times as large of wings,” he says. For a horse-sized duck to fly, “you’d have to have around 100-times larger wings. That’s the way the physics of it works. You can’t just scale up.”
So things aren’t looking so hot for the horse-sized duck. But what does a horse expert have to say on the matter? We reached out to world-class saddle bronc rider Wade Sundell to get his take on equine defenses.
“The most dangerous thing about a horse would probably be its feet,” says Sundell, “because they can kick you, step on you.” And when that happens, there’s a good chance you end up in the hospital, he says. But that’s a horse-sized horse. What about a duck-sized one?
“It’d be pretty harmless, I’d think,” says Sundell – at least if we’re only talking about one duck-sized horse. Up the number to 100, and that changes the fight entirely. “A hundred of them could probably do some damage.” With that many duck-sized horses gunning for you, Sundell has just one bit of advice: “Try to get to safety as fast as you can.”
“I’d rather take on one than a hundred,” Sundell continues. “Because I could focus on just the one, instead of having a hundred of them coming at me. I feel like my odds would be way better if one thousand-pound duck was coming at me than 100 duck-sized horses. I’d feel way more comfortable. I’d feel like I can defend myself a lot better. And I would try to go for the neck.”
So there you have it, folks. Fighting one horse-sized duck would be nothing compared to 100 duck-sized horses. Now that we have that solved, can we please stop asking this idiotic question?
Horses are mean. They have a nasty tendency to turn on you and put you behind them. They also typically have a few screws loose....doesn’t help. Bring on the duck-sized ones, though — payback time!
Ducks are nice.
Geese are mean.
“Here are some of the insightful, challenging questions Republicans have asked Supreme Court nominee Neil Gorsuch during his three days of hearings:
“Do you think your writings reflect a knee-jerk attitude against common-sense regulations?”
“Would you tell me where your favorite fishing stream is?”
“Is it true that you have been endorsed by John Elway?”
“Jury duty. Have you ever been called up?”
“Would you rather fight 100 duck-sized horses or one horse-sized duck?”
“What is the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything?” (It’s a reference to “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.”)
“What was it like to be a law clerk for Byron White?” “Were you lucky enough to get him on the basketball court?” “How’s his jump shot?”
“I understand you take law clerks, some not from the west, to the Denver rodeo ... can you share your experiences?”
A horse sized duck would have so much down and feathers I doubt you could land a punch hard enough to hurt it.
Well ... Duh!
What other size would they be?
Except for horse sized of course.
Get a life.
You can ask questions like this of the guy who does the XKCD comic, and he answers them.
I know some of those questions are real.
I read about Ted Cruz asking him the “Hitchhiker” one.
But the rest...
Is there somewhere those are published that I could link?
Horse sized duck - I like duck, I’ll it after I kill it
Ted Cruz and Neil Gorsuch: Former SCOTUS Clerks, Current Rodeo Fans
http://www.nbcnews.com/card/ted-cruz-neil-gorsuch-former-scotus-clerks-current-rodeo-fans-n736726
I’d choose the 100 duck-sized horses. I doubt they’d be smart enough to coordinate an attack, so it would basically be me chasing them around and attacking them one (or a few) at a time. If they tried to stampede I’d jump over the lead few and try to land on some, then target any stragglers in the back of the herd. Rinse and repeat.
Go Fungi yourself
?
Well done.
Dumb question... What I want to know is what did tornado’s sound like before freight trains?
Thank you.
Depends on the marinade or seasonings, I guess.
Free goose eggs...ummm!
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.