Posted on 03/17/2017 12:30:57 AM PDT by American72
Our older son is finally moving out next week. He is 23 and has worked for our small business throughout his young adult life, but hadn't been able to find full time work that would pay enough to live on his own. He did pay rent while living here after college.
The problem is that he has completely rejected our family values. I guess he was indoctrinated in college unfortunately. This was a kid that went with us to the original Bush rallies during the recount and was proud to be American, and even wrote a paper on my great great grandfather who was a Civil War veteran (Confederate).
He and I got into it last year after I caught him trying to indoctrinate my 13 year old about Bernie Sanders. I told him he could believe whatever he wanted but he would not push his views on his sister.
Later on he became a Hillary supporter and wrote blogs about how "horrified" he was about Trump. He wrote a blog recently called "Why Liberals Lose" and it basically said that liberals know they are smarter than conservatives, and they just have to learn how to convey their message better so that conservatives will understand it. WTH.
We rarely talk anymore outside of general pleasantries. It is upsetting to know he finds his Dad and I stupid and "intolerant." He said we haven't had anything good to say about Democrats in his lifetime. It's hard to have good things to say about them when their values and behaviors are completely 180 form what we believe.
The sad thing is, he is a big Christian. He was raised Lutheran, but has decided to convert to Eastern Orthodoxy. I honestly don't understand any of that, but I am staying out of it.
He rejects anything we say to him anymore. He is moving 800 miles away, and I'm sad to think this is it, and this is how this phase of our parenting is ending. I can pray he sees the light as he gets out in the real world.
Have any of you dealt with this? And if so, any advice or words of wisdom?
I feel like a failure here, and I'm sure I'll hear from some how I royally screwed up. I'm just praying there is hope for the future.
You’ve done all you can, except to pray.
Remember Monica of Hippo, who prayed (and wept) every night for her son’s conversion.
We now know her as Saint Monica, and her son as Saint Augustine.
Try referring to him as your fake American son. That term works. Just keep insisting he is a fake American. It triggers hardcore. It may make him eventually ask what a real American is.
I did the same thing. It lasted 5 years. Hang in there. Proverbs 22:6 is true, but brief, and does not describe the roller coaster ride in the middle.
This country is very deeply divided. And it’s not democrat vs Republican. It’s not liberal vs conservative. It’s good vs evil.
My advice is to give him to God. Pray for him often...That God’s will be done in his life. Then concentrate on loving and caring for the child still at home. If the prodigal son ever comes back “home”, then welcome him with open arms. Until that day comes, live your life trying to do God’s will and leave everything concerning your son to God.
Principle is I pay for my speech. I do not subsidize a kid’s speech who ends up being opinionated with it or, worse, disrespecting me or my raising other siblings, molesting them.
At that point in time the child is no more child but a person that can become dangerous, denouncing mom and dad like a snitch to the cops or to “Bernie Sanders” thought police.
I would say he needs to be told in uncertain terms these principles, but not even! When a chick breaks up with a guy to go to another guy, she gives no account of it, and it is abrupt. Do the same thing, like an adult to adult relationship, ie cutting off without explanation. He should be smart enough to figure he went over the line and that you understand he went over the line. Make him “take on the day” like a big boy. It is hard, but a father’s job is not to help the child like a mother but to throw the child out there so he learn to manage on his own.
Liberals always think they’re smarter than conservatives until the rubber meets the road and reality rears its ugly head. You can’t put everyone on welfare benefits and expect the money train to run on forever. They’ve tried socialism over and over and it fails every time. Let your son learn how well socialism works by supporting himself and becoming an alma mater of the School of Hard Knocks. Mother Nature can be a real beotch in that regard and a sobering one.
Going through this with nephew. He thinks dems are insane with spending but republicans hate everyone.
We were VERY tight and I helped him a lot after his dad died five years ago.
But being on different sides of a political spectrum takes it’s toll on any relationship.
I think both he and your son, once they have experience with the real world and taxes and the way some groups behave, will wake up and come around.
I forget who said “if you’re young and a republican, you have no heart. If you’re old and you’re a democrat you have no brain”
He is VERY young. Plenty of time to change or maybe even go back and forth before he comes back to the flock.
You probably won’t find a magic bullet solution to such a complex subject here. Use your best judgement, tempered with wisdom and humility, and above all... count your blessings he didn’t come back from college with a methamphetamine addiction. That’s when you throw in the towel.
“Let your son learn how well socialism works by supporting himself and becoming an alma mater of the School of Hard Knocks.”
This is true. I just told my husband the other day that he is about to get a graduate degree from the “School of Hard Knocks.” I’m done helping him out. We haven’t offered to help him move, to give him anything, etc. I’ve done enough for him in his life.
Apparently the person he was supposed to rent a room from just backed out of the deal so I don’t even know if he has a place to stay. He has zero furniture, kitchenware, towels, etc. He was just expecting to do what he does here, live in someone’s house and use their stuff. He’s going to find out real quick how the real world works. I hope it is eye opening.
DH already said if it all falls apart he isn’t moving back home, he’ll need to find somewhere else to live.
And yes, I will continue to pray.
First, if you look around...you will notice lots of situations like this....husband and wife who can’t resolve their political feelings....father and daughter....grandfather and grandson...etc. In the big picture of America, we have crossed a divide and now have to deal with this personal conflict.
Second, you might as well accept the idea that when he is in your presence, there will not be one single topic revolving around politics to be discussed. You can sit down and write the list of a hundred things (weather, vacations, car repairs, etc). Memorize the list...stick to the list. If he moves to the bad-topic list, simply raise a finger, smile, and note that we will only discuss things which require no arguments. For a short duration visit of 24 to 72 hours, I think most people can stick to this agenda and get by. If he stays longer than 72 hours, I doubt if your patience will be enough.
Third, in your mind...you need to see him as somewhat lost, but the odds are in five to ten years...he will have found his compass and come mostly back to some acceptable ‘norm’. By continually sticking to your 100 topics list...you will enforce upon him the idea that he has to find a way to work with other people. In companies that he will work in...neighbors of his...etc, he will eventually have to learn to keep cordial relations or fail in life.
The bottom line is that he is one of millions with this inability to handle reality. So, create a fake safe space with topics of conversation that have nothing to do with politics or news.
Thank you, good advice. This will be easier when he moves out for sure, and I’m hoping that distance can help the relationship.
It has been ridiculous that my husband and I have to sneak off to another room to have a political discussion or whisper in our office just to avoid him hearing us so that he doesn’t stride in with some sort of snide comment. A week ago or so we had a friend over and we were discussing Trump, MAGA, etc., and he was walking through the room. He had some snarky things to say, and then said how he was just not going to care about politics anymore. I told him to stop talking about it if he didn’t care, and to let us have our own conversation. He did send me an apology text later.
Let them go...
And no. I don’t mean cut them out of your life. Let them take their own journey.
I am the opposite of your situation. My parents are complete brainwashed commie socialists. All government is government controled by government. My father, especially, hated my life choices of starting my own business. He worked his entire life as a gov’t stooge. Me... I’ve worked private and have had my own business 10 years now. He hates what I am.
Let your kid[s] go. There is NOTHING you can say to oppose the modern day brainwashing. NOTHING. You can only direct information. But think of it this way. My lib prog parents disowned my because they were steeped in the commie propaganda. Maybe... They will adopt conservative principles like I have for the past 20 years Find Christ, find peace, and just relax.... My parents’ hate what that i’m not a rabid hillary pajamaboy. BUT, you get over it.
Let them go...
And no. I don’t mean cut them out of your life. Let them take their own journey.
I am the opposite of your situation. My parents are complete brainwashed commie socialists. All government is government controled by government. My father, especially, hated my life choices of starting my own business. He worked his entire life as a gov’t stooge. Me... I’ve worked private and have had my own business 10 years now. He hates what I am.
Let your kid[s] go. There is NOTHING you can say to oppose the modern day brainwashing. NOTHING. You can only direct information. But think of it this way. My lib prog parents disowned my because they were steeped in the commie propaganda. Maybe... They will adopt conservative principles like I have for the past 20 years Find Christ, find peace, and just relax.... My parents’ hate what that i’m not a rabid hillary pajamaboy. BUT, you get over it.
Democrat Party: Scam, Pitch, Deny, Deny, Deny
- Dinesh DSousa
You cannot keep your slaves, be you can try to keep your labor, pre Obamacare slavery.
be = but
He has yet to really be exposed to the world, outside his family or university. He may yet change his mind once his ideas get exposure to reality and he’ll see his understanding is inadequate.
Housemate suggests bk by Drs Sibcy & Clinton re the root of the problem & that there’s likely nothing but prayer that can be done. Sometimes Pookie’s Toons can be used but not often.
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