Posted on 03/10/2017 9:24:55 PM PST by Zeneta
Liberty is now in my prayers— for strength and help thru this trying time.
Please keep us posted.
I hope your daughter can make a clean break from the toxic side of her family. Looking up “DeFOOing” might be helpful.
Thank you.
Prayers up. She got out. May she not be dragged back in. Good luck.
Prayers up. I hope your daughter will continue on with her newfound freedom.
John Smith bless your girl. We would love to have her out on our Utah ranch. My 9 wives are getting bored with me. We need a little spice.
He he he, enough of making fun of the morons... ahem Mormons.
She will find a soul mate where she did not expect it. I did. Make sure she sceptically examines men. Some are good (like me) and some are bad. It is going to be hard for her to differentiate given her history. Make sure she looks for one with a sense of humor. My wife can come home from her worst day and I will deadpan something and her day is made. Laughter is awesome in the original intent of the word.
What’s that old sayin?..... Oh yea. Crazy in the head crazy in the bed.
I’m glad she escaped before she was put in the firing line. What a waste of time.
She tried to make a break a few weeks ago and thoroughly messed it up.
She still had most of her stuff there and while still there she told everyone she was leaving. All H**l broke lose and a sh*t storm of abuse and guilt kept her from leaving.
I told her she needed to make a better plan.
The only escape would be a clean and sudden break. No hints or build up of conflict. Bide your time, plan your escaping.
She bought a storage unit, already had two cell phones, has all her mail going to a P.O. Box. She has had to eliminate any possible way for her mother to reach her. Yes, it’s that insane.
I didn't know there was a term for what I eventually did 20 years after an insightful and concerned psychologist said 'Sit down, what I'm going to tell you is very serious. You are going to need to separate from them at least for now and probably forever.'
I had gone to see her on my own with two questions at age 19. One, I am having what I just learned they call panic attacks. Two, am I psychotic?
The extent to which a dysfunctional family / parent can get its needles and claws and poison into a kid's head and stain the heart and brain is remarkable - mostly remarkable because even in the face of the total obviousness of it all - there is a voice that never shuts up that says 'maybe they are right.' It's like a hypnosis you were put under before you were old enough to consciously accept or reject ideas.
BUT - there is one thing that eventually silences that voice - physical, intentional, permanent removal.
For me, there was diminishing confusion over this for about 3 years, during which without trying my brain would go over the details on a daily basis - in the shower - driving to work. Eventually and without me really noticing, it receded. There were a number of times where they tried to get back into my life, so that guilt voice was challenged, and I resisted.
Now, I still reflect on the whole internal conversation. Usually by choice, and usually it is pleasant, because it's a happy ending.
She's lucky to have to had a rational parent's voice in her life. I didn't, but I did luck out into meeting a super insightful woman/psychologist who served that role. You need one strong rational adult to stand for the truth like a rock when you're young. Even if the shiite keeps hitting the fan, that voice remains, and may save you later.
I love stories of freedom!
Just said a prayer for Liberty, and for you. May you both find the strength you need, her to stay free, and you to give her the love and wings to make sure she flies! And I am a Mormon, but our prayers count just as much as anyone else’s. (I find it so odd that people find a way to trash our faith out of a situation such as you asking for prayers...so much unkindness, even here on the free republic.) :(
Thank you,
For getting it.
Thanks,
But, why are you making an excuse as a Mormon?
... if you DON'T leave in the face of repeated transgressions of your values, then you too are corrupt. This may seem like a harsh judgment -> but -> it's NOT a judgment. It's merely a consequence. It's not fair, and nor is life. I would guess that maybe only 5% of those who should do this successfully do it for good, which is, for those who were born into a dysfunctional situation, the only route to becoming complete.
It's also not a lack of forgiveness. It's self preservation. Once you've confronted them, and they've confirmed who they are, you merely accept that. When you meet a poisonous snake in the woods, and confirm - yeah, that's a coral snake, not a rainbow snake -> you simple turn and leave. There is no judgment of the snake, no hatred for the snake.
I really really hope she can stick with this. I think the most important thing I could tell her is: You left because your values were incompatible, and it was poisoning you. There is no way to make it not be poisonous, but you can fool yourself by making a compromise of your values, and tell yourself your doing it be 'kind.' In truth, if they have not changed, the ONLY reason to go back is that you have decided that your conception of their feelings and your responsibility for them is of greater value than your own values.
That's a valid choice to make, but it is the choice of billions throughout history who have led lives of spiritual slavery. Rejecting corruption is as important as embracing the pure, perhaps more so.
There was a book which, when I read it ... kind of kiln fired my values as permanent - in that I recognized them in the book, and that validated them as not just some mental rambling emanating out of my neural circuitry. It's my favorite book ever, and it just happens to be Trump's favorite book. It's a moral study on what is of value to an individual, what it means to have values, and what it means to stand in them and for them. If I could inject that book into her brain right now I would.
why did you marry your first wife?....
Sounds like a story from the book; “People of the Lie” by M. Scott Peck.
Your daughter needs bolstering support from healthy friends and family.
I don’t think it’s called “running away” when you’re 25 years old.
I sincerely wish her the best.
It’s also not a lack of forgiveness. It’s self preservation. Once you’ve confronted them, and they’ve confirmed who they are, you merely accept that.
But what is she to do when they don’t “confirm who they are?”
Confirm that they are completely irrational?
Never going to happen.
I did the math when I left abruptly 15 plus years ago. When I discovered her cheating on me while I provided all the money she could spend in some twisted sense that I could buy her love.
These people, my ex, my daughters mother, her Grandfather and uncle are so completely self absorbed with their narcissistic existence and with boat loads of money they feel it’s their familiar right to exert control. They are of Greek heritage.
why did you marry your first wife?..
And I fell in love.
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