Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

Monday mirth
unknown | 3/6/2017 | self

Posted on 03/06/2017 4:46:26 AM PST by sodpoodle

NO ONE BELIEVES SENIORS ANYMORE!

No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile. An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary.

The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Jerry had carved I love you, Sally. On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money - fifty thousand dollars!

Jerry said, We've got to give it back. Sally said, Finders keepers. She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.

The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door. Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday? Sally said, No. Jerry said, She's lying. She hid it up in the attic. Sally said, Don't believe him, he's getting senile The agents turned to Jerry and began to question him. One said: Tell us the story from the beginning.

Jerry said, Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday .... The first police officer turned to his partner and said, We're outta here!

TOO GOOD NOT TO SHARE!!!!!!!


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Local News
KEYWORDS: smile
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-2021-36 last
To: Mr Ramsbotham

Oh my— this thread is the best! I so needed a smile and to LMAO even though I’m all by myself- except for my dog- funniest clean jokes I’ve heard in a while!


21 posted on 03/06/2017 5:48:13 AM PST by homegroan (New to the Beltway: The TrumpTrap - guaranteed to TRAP Fake News -AND proudly Made in the USA!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 20 | View Replies]

To: sodpoodle

Reminds me of the time my husband asked me to pick up some Cajun hot sauce at the store and I came home with a case of hot dogs.


22 posted on 03/06/2017 5:49:34 AM PST by CH3CN
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 19 | View Replies]

To: CH3CN

Tee Hee;)


23 posted on 03/06/2017 6:00:35 AM PST by sodpoodle (Life is prickly - carry tweezers)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 22 | View Replies]

To: sodpoodle

“A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool… After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’ ‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis..”


24 posted on 03/06/2017 6:22:33 AM PST by EQAndyBuzz (Nuke Bilderberg from orbit. It''s the only way to be sure.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 23 | View Replies]

To: sodpoodle

Engineers...
Can’t live with them....


25 posted on 03/06/2017 6:27:04 AM PST by Big Red Badger (UNSCANABLE in an IDIOCRACY!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9 | View Replies]

To: cyclotic

Dana Carvy is ok. He had a terrible time with medical misadventure as a surgeon did a bypass on the wrong artery. That was 20 years ago.

Most of the comedians today, sole purpose is to ‘out gross’ each other and trash conservative’s. Stopped watching them for the most part.


26 posted on 03/06/2017 7:06:04 AM PST by Vaquero ( Don't pick a fight with an old guy. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 16 | View Replies]

To: Gadsden1st

Dana Carvy is ok. He had a terrible time with medical misadventure as a surgeon did a bypass on the wrong artery. That was 20 years ago.

Most of the comedians today, sole purpose is to ‘out gross’ each other and trash conservative’s. Stopped watching them for the most part.


27 posted on 03/06/2017 7:08:19 AM PST by Vaquero ( Don't pick a fight with an old guy. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 16 | View Replies]

To: Vaquero

Yep. It takes zero talent to get on stage and be gross and shocking. Actually being funny with the requisite timing is really tough.

I’ve been watching reruns of the Dick Van Dyke show. Mainly to watch Morey Amsterdam. I knew a vaudeville comedian when I was a kid and this guy could pull a punchline out of thin air. Amsterdam was the same.

I read once that occasionally the script would read “Morey tells jokes, 2 minutes.”


28 posted on 03/06/2017 7:23:50 AM PST by cyclotic (Republicans Are without excuse. Flood the Resolute Desk with sane legislation.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 26 | View Replies]

To: sodpoodle
A MALE FAIRY TALE

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?"

The Princess immediately said, "Heavens No!" And the Prince lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles and dated thin, long-legged, full-breasted women, and hunted and fished and raced cars, and went to titty bars and dated ladies half his age and drank whiskey, beer, and Captain Morgan, and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony, and dated cheerleaders and kept his house and guns, and ate spam, potato chips and beans, blew enormous farts, and never got cheated on while he was at work, and all his friends and family thought he was friggin' cool as hell, and he had tons of money in the bank, and left the toilet seat up.

The End.

29 posted on 03/06/2017 7:32:17 AM PST by Purdue77 (I can't afford a tag line.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: sodpoodle
Cowboy: "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."

Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"

Cowboy: "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....."

When you are over sixty, who gives a DARN!

...........

***********

I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said,

"If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."

I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

When you are over sixty, who gives a DARN!

30 posted on 03/06/2017 7:43:01 AM PST by Purdue77 (I can't afford a tag line.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Purdue77

Prince Harry???????????


31 posted on 03/06/2017 7:46:16 AM PST by sodpoodle (Life is prickly - carry tweezers)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 29 | View Replies]

To: Big Red Badger

Oh, I don’t know. I’m pretty happy with mine for the most part. However, we do NOT discuss the incident with the banister. Seriously, who needs to design a full scale schematic in Visio to rehang a banister?


32 posted on 03/06/2017 8:06:12 AM PST by Hoffer Rand (God be greater than the worries in my life, be stronger than the weakness in my mind, be magnified.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 25 | View Replies]

To: sodpoodle

My health has improved since my retirement.


33 posted on 03/06/2017 8:12:34 AM PST by FrdmLvr ("A is A. A thing is what it is." Ayn Rand)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 18 | View Replies]

To: EQAndyBuzz

A Mexican outlaw saunters into an old west hotel and asks for a room at the front desk. The clerk asked him “Will that be one or two sheets on your bed?” The outlaw drew his pistols from his holster, aimed at the ckerk and said “You sheet on my bed and I keel you!”

What was hilarious was a boy in my second grade class told that joke for show and tell, back in 1962. It’s my most memorable thing about second grade.


34 posted on 03/06/2017 8:24:24 AM PST by FrdmLvr ("A is A. A thing is what it is." Ayn Rand)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 24 | View Replies]

To: CH3CN; sodpoodle

A wife asks her husband, a software engineer, “Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!” A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, “Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?” He replied, “They had eggs.”


35 posted on 03/06/2017 9:14:58 AM PST by generally ( Don't be stupid. We have politicians for that.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 22 | View Replies]

To: sodpoodle

.


36 posted on 03/06/2017 11:03:35 AM PST by jy8z (When push comes disguised as nudge, I do not budge.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-2021-36 last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson