Posted on 01/27/2017 5:42:56 AM PST by Lucky9teen
But wait - I thought it said he was an EXPERT!
IN!!! (finally)
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel.
Beer required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That’s how villages were formed. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer and vice versa. These two were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals.
2. Conservatives
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement. Other men who were less skilled at hunting (called ‘vegetarians’ which was an early human word meaning ‘bad hunter’) learned to live off the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ’s and doing the sewing, fetching, and hairdressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men evolved into women. Others became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that Conservatives provided.
Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.
Modern Liberals like lite beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard Liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: many Liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men.
Most college professors, social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, film makers in Hollywood, group therapists and community organizers are Liberals. Liberals meddled in our national pastime and invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn’t fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink real beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are members of the military, big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, airline pilots, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other Conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers, and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the Liberals remained in Europe when Conservatives were going to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today’s lesson in world history.
It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to this post. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be shared immediately to other true believers and to just pi$$-off more Liberals. And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self.
They are on the phone, guaranteed.
Wow! Reminds me of an hilarious moment at Safeway. I had been working the graveyard stocking shift, and after the store opened for business early in the morning an Asian lady was pilling dozens of cans of dog food in her grocery cart. Something just did not look right, so I approached her and asked if I could help her. Her English was not good, but after a while we were able to communicate. So, to explain the rest of what happened, I have to pause here and ask, what do you see on a can of peas: green peas. What do you see on a can of corn: corn. What is on a can of dog food: the head of a dog. Yes, now you’ve got it. The Asian lady thought she was buying dog meat. When I read the actual ingredients to her, she developed a gross look on her face and put all the cans back on the shelf.
You are right!
I have GoPro video of people doing just that.
You can see them on the phone, in the left lane...
I won’t post the video because you can hear me say, “Get the **** off the cell phone you ****** ****!”
:)
CNN News Flash; “Wang Eats Bug Live on TV”.
Well, that goes to prove us right when we said that CNN had a lot of pricks on that show, but didn’t know they had that eating skill.
What will they think of next, Wolf Blitzer asking Don Lemon and Anderson Cooper if they ever danced with each other?
Stay tuned: Film at 11.
I remember a story years ago, about why Gerber baby food was not selling well overseas.
Picture of cute baby on the jar, but those that could not read the label were horrified!
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