Posted on 01/25/2017 6:52:37 AM PST by pabianice
“I broke no laws. I merely took a chance with my heart,” is a quote from a 37-year-old man who asked a 16-year-old Starbucks barista on a date while she was at work. That’s just one example of the countless times that men have harassed women at their jobs. The most common forms of harassment are sexual or otherwise disturbing comments. Unfortunately, this is a common occurrence for any young woman who works in a retail or service job, just as many of us do. Sometimes it’s an inappropriate comment; sometimes it’s physical. This behavior from customers seems inescapable, especially in a job where “the work environment privileges the customer and emphasizes customer satisfaction,” as Karen D. Hughes and Vela Tadic found in their study of sexual harassment of women by customers. There’s an expectation of deference and friendliness toward customers, many of whom interpret a smile and greeting as a sign of interest, when these behaviors are actually requirements of the job.
Let’s examine the restaurant industry. Restaurant Opportunities Centers United conducted surveys and focus groups of restaurant workers and found that 65 percent of women, compared to 39 percent of men, had experienced “sexual teasing, jokes, remarks, or questions” from customers. Women also experienced “pressure for dates” and “sexually suggestive looks or gestures” from customers at about twice the rate that men experienced them.
I’ve often wondered why some men act this way. Sometimes I’ve tried to explain it away by thinking that “he was just trying to be nice,” and I’ve even fallen into the trap of blaming myself for it.
One particular memory from a summer job stands out to me. After getting his ice cream, a man told me, “The counter is sticky.” I replied that I was sorry about that and would clean it up right away. He repeated himself, and I again said that I would clean it up. He reached over, grabbed both of my wrists and put my hands on the counter. I pulled my hands away immediately, shocked. I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything. He walked away, enjoying his ice cream.
With that customer, I wondered to myself afterward if I hadn’t been taking his complaint seriously enough and if he was just trying to get his point across clearly. But that wouldn’t justify his actions. It’s never okay to invade someone’s personal space like that. It doesn’t matter if that person is an employee and you’re a customer, you’re two people who should treat each other with respect.
Actions like this seem to result from a combination of sexism and taking the idea that “the customer is always right” to an extreme level. The men who act this way have a lack of respect for women and a lack of respect for anyone in a service job. Often, harassment can be a way to assert their power.
So how do we fix this problem? Some have said that women who are dealing with this problem should leave that job for a different one. When Donald Trump was asked what he would suggest his daughter, Ivanka, do if she were harassed at work, he replied “I would like to think she would find another career or another company if that were the case.” However, his proposed solution for this – like his proposed would not actually work. Harassment can be found anywhere.
What might actually work is teaching men to respect women. People who witness customers harassing employees should speak up and let the customer know that it’s unacceptable. The 37-year-old man mentioned previously was banned from that Starbucks, showing one possible solution for the most extreme cases.
While at work, people may have to apologize for things that aren’t actually their fault. “I’m sorry, we’re all out of that flavor,” or “I’m sorry, we’re closing soon.” But they should never have to apologize for the expectation that they will be treated with respect.
Jessica Primavera is a Collegian contributor and can be reached at jprimavera@umass.edu.
“That certainly is the issue here.” (age)
The UMass daily collegian would have been just as indignant if he would have asked a 25 year old barista on a date. They hate men, and nothing he could do would be ok, that’s the issue here.
>>How much do women make in tips in the restaurant industry vs how much men make in tips?<<
We should give in to feminism and make them wear burkas so men (who are all weak) won’t be tempted to do something as sexist as tip them for being pretty and appearing available for intercourse.
He reached over, grabbed both of my wrists and put my hands on the counter. I pulled my hands away immediately, shocked. I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything. He walked away, enjoying his ice cream.Excuse me -- Was he able to grab both of your wrists with one hand? Since this happened after you had given him his ice cream, where was the ice cream when he was carrying out this maneuver?
Only hire obese disabled black lesbians, the highest form of life known to humans, and watch the equality and respect flow between the sexes in the restaurant industry.
Freegards
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OK, the guy may have been a little old for the batista, but since when is it harassment to ask someone for a date? And the rest is bogus, too. Women don’t typically ask men out. It is always up to the male. Exceptions noted, but rare.
Which makes me ask, WHEN did he make this statement (which is made in past tense) ?
“I broke no laws. I merely took a chance with my heart,” is a quote from a 37-year-old man
So, that’s what those knitted pink caps represented, Pig heads?
Apropos!
I have two totally distinct opinions on this topic.
1. Many people meet their significant others through work. Singles should be allowed to flirt even if they are employed.
2. Treating women really crudely, whether the women are behind a counter or on the sidewalk is a sign that a man has been TAUGHT to do so. By his dad, by his friends. There is a huge difference between saying something flirtatious or even something date-interested (like what time do you get off?), and smacking their lips at you like you’re delicious, or telling them what they’d like to crawl under your desk and do to you (had both comments, and many others).
A single girl might go out with a flirtatious, confident guy. Even if a girl is single, she is NOT going to want anything to do with the guy saying crude sexual comments to her while she is working, or passing his place of work (like a contruction site).
Lesbians are NOT more predatory. They are the most monogamous of all the orientations. I’ve only been hit on by lesbians twice in my life. Can’t say that about men. And I lived in Long Beach CA (lesbian paradise) for 15 years!
Never fish in the company pool.
I have three black daughters that have been hit on by lesbians more times than I can count.
They are well sick of it.
Started with the second one at age11!
That’s a different guy, the one who asked the barista out. She’s describing a separate incident in the ice cream story.
Creepy
The big problem with guys flirting at work:
1. If she doesn’t like it, it’s sexual harassment.
2. If she does like it, it’s flirtation. If she changes her mind, see #1.
How many “orientations” would you say there are? And, can one person have more than one “orientation”? At the same time or at different times?
That certainly is the issue here. Simply asking an age appropriate female out on a date not so much. Heck, I met my wife at work and asked her out on a date while on the job.
Now it is risking job loss and lawsuits by defying political correctness. Asking a woman out on a date while working with her is a dangerous thing.
So, apparently she gets 'hit on' by guys all the time.
She’s not the barista. She started off writing about the barista and the older guy, then switched over to telling her own summer job story. Two different incidents, total of four people involved.
I always thought that harass was two words, as in “Harassment nothing to me”!
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