***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

[Lucky9teen]

Story Time

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When you're too worried about when the alarm's going off...

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A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters.

The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while “the lights would turn off.”

Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

She walked up to the bartender, and asked, “May I please use the restroom?”

The bartender replied, “OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.”

“Well, in that case, I’ll just look the other way,” said the nun.

So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.

She went to the bartender and said, “Sir, I don’t understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?”

“Well, now they know you’re one of us,” said the bartender. “Would you like a drink?”

“No thank you, but, I still don’t understand,” said the puzzled nun.

“You see,” laughed the bartender, “every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.”

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Leather Chairs

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The Cloud lamp is a motion activated custom sound designed personal thunderstorm in your house.
This cloud costs a whopping $3,600 and is the most amazing cloud you'll ever have in your house.

The Cloud uses motion detectors to emulate an actual, rolling thunderstorm based on your actions.

Its High tech design allows you to customize it with your iPod, or any other Bluetooth device,
or you may choose to use its built in thunder sounds.

Regardless, you've never had a cloud like this inside your place, or at all really.

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Misleading Compliment

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Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.

He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself.

However, the gates are closed and Forrest approaches the Gatekeeper.

St. Peter says, “Well, Forrest, it’s certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we’ve been administering an entrance examination for everyone.

The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven.”

Forrest responds, “It shor is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever tolt me about any entrance exam. Shor hope the test ain’t too hard; life was a big enough test as it was.”

St. Peter goes on, “Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions:

First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T?

Second: How many seconds are there in a year?

Third: What is God’s first name?”

Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter who waves him up and says, “Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers.”

Forrest says, “Well, the first one — which two days in the week begin with the letter “T”? Shucks, that one’s easy. That’d be Today and Tomorrow.”

The Saint’s eyes open wide and he exclaims, “Forrest, that’s not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I didn’t specify, so I’ll give you credit for that answer.  How about the next one?” asks St. Peter. “How many seconds in a year?”

“Now that one’s harder,” says Forrest, “but I thunk and thunk about that and I guess the only answer can be twelve.”

Confounded, St. Peter says, “Twelve? Twelve!?  Forrest, how in Heaven’s name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?”

Forrest says “Shucks, there’s gotta be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd. . .”

“Hold it, ” interrupts St. Peter. “I see where you’re going with this, and I see your point, though that wasn’t quite what I had in mind…..but I’ll have to give you credit for that one, too.  Let’s go on with the third and final question. Can you tell me God’s first name”?

“Sure” Forrest replied, “it’s Andy.”

Andy?!” exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St. Peter. “Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?”

“Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,” Forrest replied. “I learnt it from the song. . . . “ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN. . . .”

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates and said: “Run Forrest, run.”

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[Lucky9teen]

Aw jeez


WHAT DO THEY KNOW THAT WE DON'T? Feds Preparing for Massive Natural Disaster in Pacific Northwest

[EQAndyBuzz]

Sorry so late. Interview this morning. 10 people sitting around a table asking me 10 different ways how to solve conflict.

I am guessing that saying I will lay my 9mm on the table and suggest that they sort it out or I will is not going to fly.

[verga]

I am guessing that saying I will lay my 9mm on the table and suggest that they sort it out or I will is not going to fly.

Years ago I had two students that could not get along, Phones call home, the administration, detention, nothing made a difference.
I had them after school one day laid a hammer on the workbench between them. Told them that they could settle their differences one of two ways, talking or swinging. a number of years later they ended up standing up for each others weddings as best men. Ya gotta love rednecks.

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

Reuse, recycle, reload.

[Paleo Pete]

Something you only use once...

Tampons, condoms.

At least I hope so...

Hey, you asked...

I’m not sure Hillary’s brain has ever been used even once...at least not in the past 8 years...

[fireforeffect]

There is a book out there called Conflict Resolution. Pretty good.

I have found that violence settles most conflicts. There is no substitute for victory.

[EQAndyBuzz]

I learned conflict resolution the easy way. “Wait till your father gets home” usually settled everything.

[P.O.E.]

Why does Peter Pan always fly around?

Because he lives in NeverLand.

[wyokostur]

[wyokostur]

Donuts....since its nat'l donut day. .

[RightGeek]

LOL - good ones

[wyokostur]

Life

[wyokostur]

Pregnancy test

[wyokostur]

[The Chief]

This is better than making the top 5 or 10, one of my Meme’s made it onto the Official Friday Silliness Thread! :-)

[acad1228]

Vegemite

[acad1228]

BTW, Story Time was hilarious!

[SunkenCiv]

I’m stealin’ that one. Thanks verga, and bon voyage.