Posted on 05/13/2016 8:35:57 AM PDT by blueunicorn6
Amazing. I guess it is a test of nerves. Sort of a whole-body version of Russian Roulette.
Item - invoke a sense of outrage. This need be no further away than the caps lock button - again, I reference Libbylu - but a sense of frenzy helps. Help the reader to visualize the spittle on your monitor and keyboard.
Item - invoke a sense of entitlement. Slightly embellished military service may help here: "I got my Medal of Honor with the oak leave cluster during my blimp service at the battle of Bok Choy, where Charlie blew off my arm, I grew it back, and then a Chechnyan sniper blew it off again, so don't you DARE criticize my opinion on the draft!" No one on FR will ever catch you, trust me, and anyway you'll be long gone by the time they do.
Item - invoke a sense of pathos. Remember, declining to post to an anonymous Internet forum is tearing your very heart from your body and leaving it bleeding on the imaginary floor, dammit! It's true that no one here actually knows you and it is likely that no one cares, and so your job as an opus author is to make us care, like forcing an intestinal worm pill down the gullet of an uncooperative cat.
Item - state that FR has changed. While this is certainly true at any given point in the gradual evolution of the collective neurosis that is our beloved website, it should be a change that is somehow intolerably repellent to someone who is, after all, coming here by free choice. Old-timers especially love "FR is no longer the civil, learned, congenial place it used to be." Be sure to open your windows when you post that - the shrieking of laughter that ensues might be your neighbors who have posted here longer than you have. No one who enjoyed the fevered dribblings of Toiletman or read with satisfaction Deb's immortal description of A+Bert as a "urine-soaked old rummy," can remain silent in the face of this sort of sanctimonious absurdity.
Item - project blamelessness. For example, if you have spent the last several months calling a political candidate not of your preference an ax-murdering po-faced swindler who sacrifices puppies to Satan (this may, actually refer to pretty much everyone in DC and certainly to everyone in journalism), and his followers brachycephalic cretins who belong in an institution learning to make brooms, be sure to state piously that you never said a bad word about anyone and anyway the other fellow started it. You won't be around to hear the collective sigh of relief upon your departure anyway.
Item - post drunk. What the hell, why change?
Item - invoke a sense of righteous vengeance. This site, the proprietor, the moderators, the ping lists, and the general membership will all be wearing virtual black armbands of mourning as soon as you deny them the nuggets of your wisdom that pepper your postings like fresh deer pellets on a dusty trail. Wey'll pay, damn us all, oh yes we will. We'll be begging you to come back. You know it's true.
The list above is by no means complete and categorical, it is merely intended to fill in those embarrassing lacunae in a stream of consciousness that make it gurgle like a terlit with air bubbles in the line when you give it that one last righteous flusheroo. It doesn't have to be perfect. The readers would be disappointed if it were.
awesome job! LMAO!
Oh I did, I just had to mess with OP. ‘Cuz I am that guy... :)
I thought my opas were good.
i have quite a collection of objects that women have thrown at me......corsages.......poetry books.....knives.
Nobody can opa like you, Larry.
If I leave in October, do I write an Octopus?
. Well done 😊
I’m going to try and make one of those faces out of characters.
><=#*^
I think I have a defective keyboard.
Loved this!! Laughed heartily. Thanks.
The plural isn’t opii?
libbylu set the opus standard. It was epic.
unfortunately, she kept coming back.
Right you are!! She left in a blaze of blue glory....the ultimate opus....then she hadda come back and diminish all of that great opi.
Your opus is so good you should probably stay.
Remember that contrasts must be made to how good FReepers in the past were compared to us scum today. And don’t forget an overall aura of superiority. Those who write the timid “you all will never miss little old me” opi are creating self fulfilling prophecies.
THANKS FOR THIS INFO.
THE REASON I AM SHOUTING IS BECAUSE THE INTERNET SERVICE HAS BEEN VERY SPOTTY FROM THIS LEVEL OF HELL.
I believe opii was Sheriff Taylor’s son.
I've always thought that at least for some of the opusers, a good response model for the rest of us here to follow might be the song performed in this youtube video, when someone made their grand final exit:
"Thank You Very Much"
OK.
MAYBE YOU CAN HELP ME WIN A BET.
IS LBJ DOWN THERE WITH YOU?
LBJ IS A MEMBER OF THE MANAGEMENT HERE.
HE’S ONE OF THOSE GUYS WHO PRICK YOU WITH THOSE TRIDENT-LIKE PRODS.
HIS TITLE IS THE HEAD PRICK.
HIS BOSS IS TED KENNEDY.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.