Oh please ...
Posted on 12/27/2015 2:27:50 PM PST by huckfillary
Juniata College, a small liberal arts college nestled in the hills of south-central Pennsylvania, has become the first college in the United States to order the removal of every urinal from campus. The vote by the college Board of Trustees was unanimous. The change was in response to an intense years-long campaign by a little-known, militant feminist group called Chicks Against Dicks (CAD). The group employed numerous tactics including petitions, lawsuits, and the occasional smashing of functioning campus urinals. Juniata President James A. Troha, androgynous but not transgender, was giddy over the vote. In remarks delivered breathelessly, Troha said, “Urinals are an insult to women everywhere. We will not rest until every urinal on the planet is destroyed or removed. I would especially like to thank CAD President Soren Cavendish whose ceaseless efforts carried the day. Because of her efforts, urinals will soon be relegated to museums and socially backward institutions.†Aside from the obvious political infractions associated with urinals and standing to pee, Roy Nagle, Juniata Director of Environmental Hygiene, cited numerous threats to public health by standing to pee. “When men stand to pee,†Nagle said, “they are oblivious to the fact that they are depositing drops of urine, biological microagressions, which may infect anyone within a determined range. Not all, but many women also find the smell of male urine offensive. Urinal cakes, evenm jasmine, are only so effective.†Signicantly, the vote requires, after the removal of the urinals, another vote which would require all males on campus to sit down to urinate. CAD President Cavendish reserved her harshest remarks for the centuries-old practice of men standing to pee. According to Cavendish, “There is nothing more painful to a woman, even more than sexual assault, than the thought of a man standing to pee. It is repulsive and repugnant. No one should be allowed to stand to pee. It is an anatomically-endowed privilege. We will not stop until this odious practice is relegated to the trash cans of history.†To enforce the new restroom codes, men’s room volunteers would issue citations to men caught in the act of standing to pee. First offenders would be required to attend urination reform classes, in which men would taught how to sit to pee. Secondly offenders would suffer the loss of meal swipes.
Back in 1977 there was a satire about a bill in Congress to outlaw urination while standing, in the interest of promoting gender equality.
“Number one is all right but don’t stand for it!”
The bill’s sponsors Sen. Kennedy & McGovern introduced the bill while sitting down.
;^)
I have heard of it. At one point they apparently provided an excellent education and their graduates did better in professional schools than those from much more famous institutions. Maybe it is still somewhat like that:
"Juniata College has a tradition of excellence within the Fulbright program. In the last four years Juniata students earned 11 Fulbrights. On average, 1,100 grants are awarded nationwide. ...
96% of Juniata graduates are pursuing their career or in graduate school within six months of graduation. With a 100% placement rate into medical school and 100% placement rate for law school, Juniata students are extremely successful in post graduate education." -
But having gotten involved in this crazy crap, they must be headed downhill.
They have to be taking the piss.
It’s called an ‘outhouse’; been around long before the re-advent of indoor plumbing. /s
Oh please ...
It’s not good satire? 90% of the viewers fell for it, and the one before that, and the one before that. Freerepublic attracts a highly intelligence audience. If I can “satirize” 10% of freerepublic, I consider it a job well done.
Men should stand and pee on the walls and ceilings. Femenazis have to meet the truth sooner or later. Don’t mess with men.
Didn’t anyone else see the name “JUANITA” when they first read “J-u-n-I-a-t-a”? Tough crowd tonight.
"Going green" is something in which Juniata is very involved. Some "green" facts about the campus: Ellis Hall's men's urinals are waterless; Juniata offers organic, fair-trade coffee; and the College's biodiesel program takes used fryer oil and makes it into a sustainable fuel source.
Thrilling.
The college is very, very, committed to "diversity." They are "Champions of Diversity":
http://services.juniata.edu/diversity/championsofdiversity.html
I see why the author of this piece selected Juniata College to satirize.
I should have said he didn’t want to be imtimidated by female swabbies.
You posted a fake news story. That's not satire, that's a fake news story.
Satire is generally humorous and provides a unique and insightful way of looking at a real problem.
The purpose of satire is not to trick people into believing a false story, it's making them laugh and think about an issue by showing them a fresh perspective.
Anyone here who does not realize this is a joke deserves to be outraged. At himself.
My husband’s beloved school.
Also featured a “special” woman professor a few years ago in one of their quarterly alumni reviews. Just matter of factly “her partner” and such.
It was a nice school. But I fear the Church of the Brethren is far too soft-hearted and liberal stuff is what you get.
BTW, FRANKLY i don’t care for urinals. Disgusting flicking out your thing in public, and wizzing all over the floor. Maybe if they were actually in stalls.
Yeah. We have one of those “Al Gore Toilets” in just one
bathroom. Takes 2 or 3 flushes to flush down a decent
BM. Uses more water than a normal toilet. We rebelled
and put a normal commode in the main bathroom.
FYI....
Gosh, Nagle. Don’t you realize that when Liberals open their mouths they spew tiny droplets of sh!t that are filled with bacteria, etc.? -—there fixed it!
I’m learning. My purpose is to make people laugh and maybe think a little bit, not to get a Pulitzer Prize. The fake news story was original. It took some effort. It was fun. I’m sorry if you were offended.
I wasn’t offended. I thought you just posted it. I didn’t know you wrote it. Sorry I called it weak. Not very diplomatic of me! Good luck with future efforts.
I’ve used an outhouse...no I’m not 100.
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