Posted on 06/19/2015 5:58:14 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Be very careful when baby is cooking with Dad. . . that is be sure baby isn't what's for dinner!
When kids get older, there is a reason why they'll remember play time with Dads more..
It's clear what's going on when kids are with Mom, but what the hell are they doing with Dad? Turning into little slaves?
Guess which parent a kid will learn to ride a two-wheeler faster with?
At amusement parks, Dad always seems to have MORE FUN than anyone else in the family.
Careful. . . Baby might be left behind in a zoo with the animals, when going with Dad.
Dad will dress kids in costumes ONLY adults understand and can laugh about.
Have you ever wondered how Dad is able to do the grocery shopping so DAMN QUICKLY?
Never mind ever having table manners. . . "Manners" don't exist in Dad's book.
Dads certainly have a "hands on" approach to this difficult baby time. Don't worry about Mom's onion, it numbs the gums.
16 All Time Funniest Dad Texts (warning: language)
Now for some funny riddles:
1. Take away my first letter, and I still sound the same. Take away my last letter, I still sound the same. Even take away my letter in the middle, I will still sound the same. I am a five letter word. What am I?
2. What is as light as a feather, but even the world’s strongest man couldn’t hold it for more than a minute?
3. What 5- letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?
4. There are 3 switches downstairs. Each corresponds to one of the three light bulbs in the attic. You can turn the switches on and off and leave them in any position. How would you identify which switch corresponds to which light bulb if you are only allowed one trip upstairs
5. I am very heavy but, backwards I’m not. What am I?
6. A cowboy rides into town on Friday; he stays two days and leaves on Saturday. How can this be?
7. Where does afternoon come before morning?
8. What has a face and two hands, but no arms and legs?
9. I come one in a minute, twice in a moment, but never in a thousand years. What am I?
10. What gets wetter as it dries?
11. There is one word in the English language that is always pronounced incorrectly. What is it?
12. Try to re-arrange the letters of NEW DOOR to make one word.
13. A basket contains 5 apples. How can you divide the apples among 5 kids so that each child has an apple and one apple stays in the basket?
I feel bad for those of you who have had to deal with so much rain. So I prayed for all y’all.
:o])
The tidal surge was relatively small & isolated to a small area.
Good prep, though. ..got me digging out my generation to test.
Well, as I said, I’m glad you’re OK!
And we all need “bug-out bags” and enough water for three days. I have the water, but my bug-out bag needs to be updated. I need to rotate the MREs.
The 16 funniest Dad texts were gross BUT hilarious!!!
What has been read, cannot be unread!
LOL
An American Liberal in London: https://youtu.be/NTr50aHGDnI
"Ceterum censeo 0bama esse delendam."
Garde la Foi, mes amis! Nous nous sommes les sauveurs de la République! Maintenant et Toujours!
(Keep the Faith, my friends! We are the saviors of the Republic! Now and Forever!)
LonePalm, le Républicain du verre cassé (The Broken Glass Republican)
I live in Memphis, TN. I am a computer programmer.
Topeka, KS, Claims Adjuster.
Auburn, California (near Sacramento); environmental engineer/consultant
Norfolk, VA and I am a civilian electronics tech for the Navy.
Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight.
When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son’s medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills.
The son said, “I don’t think you should take one Dad; they’re very strong and very expensive.”
“How much?” asked Grandpa. “$10. a pill,” answered the son.
“I don’t care,” said Grandpa, “I’d still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning,
I’ll put the money under the pillow.”
Later the next morning, the son found $110 under the pillow.
He called Grandpa and said, “I told you each pill was $10, not $110.
“I know,” said Grandpa. “The hundred is from Grandma!”
Outside Nashville,TN. RN. Love your threads.
Southern WI. I am a victim (I hate that word but I’ll use it anyway) of Obama’s war on women, losing my small business because of him 2 years ago. At least my husband still has a job! My hobby is horsemanship. The day Obummer leaves office I will rejoice. The Pubs better not mess up and give us Jeb! or some other loser to vote for, so we don’t have Hillary! to finish off the country.
(sorry none of that was funny)
Carry on with the festivities!
I need some FUNNY!
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