Posted on 02/07/2015 8:01:13 PM PST by ransomnote
A few weeks ago, psychologist Randi Gunther discussed the fact that women still initiate the majority of divorces, even after men dutifully followed women into the new millennium.
It wasn’t supposed to be this way. We men learned how to change diapers and cook risotto. We learned to watch for barely perceptible nods of approval before opening doors for women. We even learned to manscape, for goodness sake.
Women were supposed to be happy with the new variety of men. Yet they are divorcing us just like they divorced our insensitive forefathers. Professor Gad Saad reported that American woman initiate 69% of divorces; the most recent British statistic is 72%.
Dr. Gunther, who specializes in repairing relationships, described some of the unhappily divorced men she meets in her office:
“I am currently dealing with several of these great husbands. They are, across the board, respectful, quality, caring, devoted, cherishing, authentic, and supportive guys whose wives have left them for a different kind of man.”
Who is this “different kind of man,” and why do women quit their marriages to pursue him? Dr. Gunther continues:
“The women I have treated who have left their husbands for more ‘masculine’ men believed that their new relationships would be able to both excite and nurture them.”
Clearly, this new stud is virile. He’s exciting. He possesses something that the “perfect” husband does not.
Dr. Gunther didn’t say it, but I will: it sounds as if many of today’s perfect, sensitive, cherishing men are… how shall I put this… boring.
Who can blame women for being bored with men these days? Far too many of us have lost our masculine fortitude. That fortitude has nothing to do with being dominant or avoiding vacuum cleaners. It’s a product of solid values and strong backbones.
(Excerpt) Read more at ironshrink.com ...
Yeah. if he doesn’t flame up to brightly.
In other words, probably closet homosexual beta males who were not man enough for even an average woman.
I was never perfect enough for my ex either. Now she’s alone and childless, and the biological clock is well past midnight for her. Oh well. Bed made.
An old bit of wisdom, well-proven by history:
A bad woman can make a good man bad.
A good woman can make a bad man good.
But a bad man cannot make a good woman bad.
And a good man cannot make a bad woman good.
The first husband is chosen as a stable, good provider and father, and for good alimony payments. The second is for “self-fulfillment “
Where can I get one?
It wasn’t supposed to be this way. We men learned how to change diapers and cook risotto. We learned to watch for barely perceptible nods of approval before opening doors for women. We even learned to manscape, for goodness sake."
Get a clue, guys. Are you men or mice? I know I don't want some submissive wimp who's afraid to make a move without casting a furtive glance to see what kind of mood I might be in.
Quit being doormats.
Men cannot live up to that fantasy.
Well, some can't. It helps if the man can discern character. That takes time. That takes some scouting of the young lady's family. If she comes from a happy intact home with decent parents, and a father that sternly eyeballs you with great suspicion, and she has a lot of siblings who aren't screw ups, who you meet and even like, and yet she herself isn't putting out for you nor anybody else - that's the one you sweep. Find a way. Man up. Discover whatever her personal dragon is, slay it for her, and plop it on the grill with some BBQ sauce as if it were nothing.
If you're boning some chick after one drink, she's no damsel, and you're no knight.
When my husband and I got married in 1996, I worked for a few years. It didn’t work for us. I was trying to do everything, and I found myself being run ragged...I was bad-tempered because I was so exhausted. I’m a good cook, but I rarely put my skills to use because I had no time or energy left...it was always carry-out or eating out. Everything & everyone suffered.
My husband said “enough” and I quit.
My in-laws didn’t really approve of our decision. The women in his family tend to be career women. My sister-in-law, whom I love and with whom I share a great friendship, said to me, “What kind of identity can you have without your job?” My response was, “If your job is your only identity, that’s a problem.”
If I had done that, I would be miserable...maybe even divorced.
No, thanks.
I’ve told my tale of woe here before regarding my parents’ divorce, but perhaps states handle divorce differently now.
My mom got ZERO alimony/benefits/insurance/reimbursements after being married & a stay-at-home-mom for 25 yrs., didn’t cheat, (and my dad knew & admitted in court she hadn’t) and my dad only had to pay the absolute lowest amount of child support the state mandated. I think it was about $30.00 a week, then he had the nerve to pro-rate it the week I turned 18. Since I turned 18 early in the week, I think he paid $17 or $18 dollars that last week.
Sure, my mom got the house, but she also got the mortgage, taxes, insurance with NO job/support/prospects after 25 yrs. My dad was making over 50k per year officially at the time, and more under the table. And yes, both had lawyers. Obviously, my mom’s lawyer sucked, and probably was in cahoots with my dad’s lawyer.
Because of cases like my mom’s women get more now. No, it’s not fair to a lot of men nowadays, but that’s the situation. Every case needs to be decided on it’s own merits, but it’s easier to do a one-size-divorce-fits-all settlement.
Me and my wife have a mutual assured destruction (MADD) pact. No divorce; if you want out you have to kill me and vice versa.
Yes, assets are split 50/50. But, unfortunately, so is debt - even if one spouse was hiding debt from the other. That’s how some of us end up in financial ruin.
I’m glad you got custody of your son. It sounds like you didn’t have to pay alimony. (Good, since she was the cheater.) But I know about alimony because I’m in the middle of a divorce now. Today, most states use the following formula to calculate alimony:
Higher earner’s income
LESS the lower earner’s income*
One-third of the remaining amount is the alimony.
* If a wife has been home with the children for many years and has no paying job, the courts will impute a full-time minimum wage to her, whether she can find a job or not, and subtract that as her income.
On top of all that, the spouse staying in the home (usually the mom with the kids) has to somehow come up with half the equity in the home, or that will be deducted from the alimony, too.
But, wait, there’s more...
The ex-husband deducts the alimony payments from his taxable income, whereas the ex-wife must pay taxes on the alimony she receives. So, the guy comes out WAY AHEAD.
Child support payments are separate from alimony. They might average a few hundred dollars per month. But, eventually those payments end.
That photo is hilarious. They could move the object back and forth and it would be like watching cats.
Fortunately, cats don’t have the right to vote, these cretins do.
Yes, that’s good advice. Even if she just keeps a part-time job and her own money on the side. Then, if everything goes wrong, she can find full-time work more easily.
Very true. The only other option is for the parents to work split shifts and take turns caring for the children. That’s exhausting though (I remember).
The dark side of princess shows like “Beauty and the Beast”, loving him will somehow transform him into a good guy.
And she ignores the decent men in her life in the hope of becoming great by improving a bad guy.
Another reason is the media myth that half of all marriages end in divorce.
The divorce rate approached 50% in the 1970s but was a comparison of a low marriage rate to a rising divorce rate.
Shaunti Feldhahn has done an analysis and found that the divorce rate is only around 20%-25% for two college grads in a first marriage, perhaps 40% for those with less than a college education. For remarriages, more than half stay married, not the 60-70% quoted by media as divorced.
But the idea that why get married because you’ll probably get divorced is one reason why many don’t get married - and the behaviors to protect yourself like a separate secret bank account undermine the marriage, raising the odds of divorce.
Exactly.
I dislike how so many here promote the idea of being a homemaker to the exclusion of all else. It doesn’t work in the real world anymore and never really did, except for a brief time in our nation’s history.
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