Top five eases the pain, however...
Woohoo!!! It’s Friday!!!!!
Top five eases the pain, however...
Top ten!!!!
Top Ten!!!!
The WH when SHTF
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Top 10?
TOP 20!
Fred was in the fertilized egg business.
He had several hundred young ‘pullets’, and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.
He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.
This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.
Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.
Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.
Fred’s favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch’s bell hadn’t rung at all!
When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
To Fred’s amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn’t ring.
He’d sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
Fred was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Brisbane City Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the “No Bell Piece Prize,” but they also awarded him the “Pulletsurprise” as well.
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making.
Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren’t paying attention.
Vote carefully in the next election, you can’t always hear the bells.
1 - I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists — they don’t expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 - If you want the rainbow, you have got to put up with the rain.
9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend... But she left me before we met.
12 - OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
13 - How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 - When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
19 - I intend to live forever... So far, so good.
20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23 - My mechanic told me, “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name.
25 - If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27 - Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.
32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don’t have film.
34 - If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
And the all-time favorite:
35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
This description is also in the Urban Dictionary as another definition of "Cluster F#ck".
CAUTION: Quoting Kerry and Barry is considered a 'vicious personal attack' in modern punditry.
Top 40!
Pick Your Artist: Megadeth
Are you male or female: Use The Man
Describe yourself: Addicted To Chaos
How do you feel about yourself: Sweating Bullets
Describe your current boy/girl relation situation: Almost Honest
Describe where you currently live: A Secret Place
If you could go anywhere you wanted to go: Devil’s Island
Your favorite form of transportation: Train of Consequences
Your best friend(s) is(are): Lucretia
Favorite time of day: In My Darkest Hour
If your life were a TV show, what would it be called: Killing Is My Business... and Business Is Good!
What is life to you: I Know Jack
What is the best advice you have to give: Take No Prisoners
Thought for the Day: The World Needs A Hero
How I would like to die: High Speed Dirt
IN!!!
And it’s still morning!
Pick Your Artist: Journey
Are you male or female:
Describe yourself:
How do you feel about yourself: Only the Young
Describe your current boy/girl relation situation: Lovin’, Touching, Squeezing
Describe where you currently live: City of the Angels
If you could go anywhere you wanted to go: Rubicon
Your favorite form of transportation: The Wheel in the Sky
Your best friend(s) is(are): Faithfully
Favorite time of day: Good Morning, Girl
If your life were a TV show, what would it be called: Who’s Crying Now
What is life to you: Any Way You Want It
What is the best advice you have to give: Ask the Lonely
Thought for the Day: Don’t Stop Believin’
How I would like to die: Escape
Pick Your Artist: Pink Floyd
Are you male or female: Arnold Layne
Describe yourself: Wot’s….Uh the Deal?
How do you feel about yourself: Obscured by Clouds
Describe your current boy/girl relation situation: Is There Anybody Out There?
Describe where you currently live: Outside the Wall
If you could go anywhere you wanted to go: The Great Gig in the Sky
Your favorite form of transportation: Interstellar Overdrive
Your best friend(s) is(are): Us and Them
Favorite time of day: Eclipse
If your life were a TV show, what would it be called: Run Like Hell
What is life to you: Several Species of Small Furry Animals Gathered Together in a Cave and Grooving with a Pict
What is the best advice you have to give: Careful with that Axe, Eugene
Thought for the Day: Wish You Were Here
How I would like to die: Comfortably Numb
Pick Your Artist: QUEEN
Are you male or female: SOUL BROTHER
Describe yourself: GOOD OLD-FASHIONED LOVER BOY
How do you feel about yourself: UNDER PRESSURE
Describe your current boy/girl relation situation: YOU’RE MY BEST FRIEND
Describe where you currently live: SLEEPING ON THE SIDEWALK
If you could go anywhere you wanted to go: SEASIDE RENDEZVOUS
Your favorite form of transportation: I’M IN LOVE WITH MY CAR
Your best friend(s) is(are): STONE COLD CRAZY
Favorite time of day: THE NIGHT COMES DOWN
If your life were a TV show, what would it be called: MY MELANCHOLY BLUES
What is life to you: RIDE THE WILD WIND
What is the best advice you have to give: PAIN IS SO CLOSE TO PLEASURE
Thought for the Day: LAZING ON A SUNDAY AFTERNOON
How I would like to die: SHEER HEART ATTACK
FMCDH(BITS)
Pick Your Artist: Led Zeppelin
Are you male or female: Poor Tom
Describe yourself: Trampled Underfoot
How do you feel about yourself: Dazed and Confused
Describe your current boy/girl relation situation: I Can’t Quit You Baby
Describe where you currently live: Over the Hills and Far Away
If you could go anywhere you wanted to go: Down by the Seaside
Your favorite form of transportation: I’m Gonna Crawl
Your best friend(s) is(are): Black Dog
Favorite time of day: In the Evening
If your life were a TV show, what would it be called: Good Times Bad Times
What is life to you: Stairway to Heaven (hopefully!)
What is the best advice you have to give: Your Time is Gonna Come
Thought for the Day: The Song Remains the Same
How I would like to die: Whole Lotta Love
Are you male or female: Not Of This Earth
Describe yourself: The Extremist
How do you feel about yourself: Strange
Describe your current boy/girl relation situation: A Love Eternal
Describe where you currently live: Home
If you could go anywhere you wanted to go: Surfin' With The Alien
Your favorite form of transportation: Speed Of Light
Your best friend(s) is(are): Three Sheets To The Wind
Favorite time of day: Day At The Beach
If your life were a TV show, what would it be called: The Mystical Potato Head Groove Thing
What is life to you: Memories
What is the best advice you have to give: Shine On American Dreamer
Thought for the Day: Is There Love In Space?
How I would like to die: Saying Goodbye