Posted on 09/05/2014 6:32:12 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Dear Comrades,
Comrade Vice President Joseph Biden has announced that the USSA will chase The Islamic Caliphate (PBUI) ‘to the gates of hell’ with a barrage of fearsome Twitter messages and fatally ironic Instagram photos.
Already successful used by the USSA State Department’s Information Directorate against the bourgeois imperialist Vladimir Putin and the Boko Haram in Nigeria, The Islamic State can soon expect to receive thousand of potentially embarrassing texts and pictures from high-capacity online accounts being prepared at the White Fortress.
Throughout the USSA, countless college students have already volunteered to repost and retweet State messages, adding even heavier firepower to the State’s already considerable resources. So many messages are expected to put Caliphate accounts that many officials expect a total retreat within weeks, if not the closing of thousands of account by disloyal terrorist operatives.
Debilitated by shame and unable to handle ironic humor, Comrade President B. B. Obama has told Party officials he expects total destruction of the enemy back to manageable proportions before his mid-Autumn golf season begins in early October.
Q: In an apartment building in London, Ahmed lives on the first floor, Mustafa on the second floor and Harry on the third floor. The building explodes – who lives?
A: Harry of course – he was at work.
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Q: What do you call a building full of Taliban?
A: Jail
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Q: Why aren't there any Walmarts in Afghanistan?
A: Because there is a target on every corner.
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Q: What is the most popular kids show in the Middle East?
A: Dora the Exploder!
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Q: What do you call a Muslim stripper?
A: Youseen Memuff
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Q: How do Muslims practice safe sex?
A: They mark the camels that kick.
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Q. What can the Palestinians do to raise the average IQ in the West Bank?
A. Allow Jews to come in.
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Q: What do you call a building full of Taliban?
A: Jail
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In Mumbai, a man is going to jump off the building. Up rushes good Hindu cop to talk him down. The cop yells up to the man "Don't jump! Think of your father"
The man replies "Haven't got a father; I'm going to jump."
The cop goes through a list of relatives, mother, brothers, sister, etc. Each time man says "haven't got one; going to jump."
Desperate the cop yells up "Don't jump! Think of Lord Krishna"
The man replies "Who is that?"
The cop yells "Jump, Muslim! You're blocking traffic!"
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Q How many Muslims does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, they prefer to sit in the dark and blame it on the Jews.
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Q: Why did the radical Muslim go to the airport and blow himself up?
A: He wanted to go everywhere.
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Q: Did you hear the one about the Muslim who won a Nobel Prize in Mathematics?
A: Neither did I.
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Q: Why do Muslims smell like piss?
A: So blind people can hate them too.
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Three men want make phone call from Hell to remind their relatives about its harsh conditions. Their Nationalities are American, Italian and Palestinian.
So they decide to go to the Devil, who is the boss.
The American made a call, and the Devil made him to pay $100 USD.
Then the Italian made a call, and the Devil made him to pay $10 Euros, on the fact that Italy is less developed than that of USA.
LASTLY the Palestinian made a call and the Devil made him to pay one cent.
Both the American and Italian complain, as it is not fair.
And the devil responded to them, "The Palestinian call was a local call, whereas yours were International calls."
I think she must have been a fun mom. Even though she worked nonstop.
***That sounds like my company. We have meetings to find out when people are available to schedule meetings... on the efficiency of our meetings.***
1+2 = 3
Until a child tells you what they are thinking, we can’t even begin to imagine how their mind is working.... Little Zachary was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything...tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centers. In short, everything they could think of to help his math.
Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him In the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn’t even kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying.
Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner.
To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before.
This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.
Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. With great trepidation, His Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, Little Zachary got an ‘A’ in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said, ‘Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?’ Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no.. ‘Well, then,’ she replied, Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT WAS IT?’
Little Zachary looked at her and said, ‘Well, on the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren’t fooling around.’
FORWARD THIS TO ANYBODY WHO NEEDS A GOOD LAUGH. Have a wonderful day and God Bless
Our company was trying to coordinate a time for a meeting on department "coordination" but couldn't seem to coordinate on a day and time. It took about a month to finally have a meeting. Priceless!
Well. That does it. I am officially done caring. After looking at that picture I realized that I have the same physique as Gary Busey.
Yep, its over.
I hope she gets the send off she wanted. :)
“That sounds like my company. We have meetings to find out when people are available to schedule meetings... on the efficiency of our meetings.”
Many years ago I worked for a company that was starting up a major upgrade to their servers throughout the United States. We had another meeting to review that meeting two months later.
I left the company for a 8 month sabbatical. When I came back, the following week there was a meeting to discuss the server deployment. I figured it was to talk about the projects status, what the variances were, etc.
I sit down and the meeting chairman greets me and the first words out of his mouth were, “EQ, do you remember where we left off?” I just shook my head.
I could watch that all day.
Maybe he had a bad burrito.
Ah, the double flip off. A classic. I try not to do that anymore.
*sigh*
In, finally.... :o|
Ohyah!!!
New daddy = baptism by *ahem* fire!
Ouch! Malfunction or another mortar round was in the tube.
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