Posted on 08/02/2014 7:14:02 AM PDT by SamAdams76
My wife and I arrived in Mobile four years ago. As we drove from Pennsylvania into the deep South, I began to notice the subtle changes that became increasingly less subtle...
(Excerpt) Read more at academia.edu ...
The essay repeatedly uses the word "power" in the context of who is trying to see with whom to establish relationship, over whom to exert power over and over whom to ultimately establish control through use of "rhetorical" linguistics. He uses vocabulary only a "Professor of Communication", as he so deftly informs us, would understand. Mr. Lunceford repeatedly cites sources of whom we have never heard who are apparently experts on the nuances of communication. It becomes obvious that those of us from the South have severe deficiencies in this arena and are unable to recognize proper relationship boundaries, especially when entering a restaurant.
Apparently being mistakenly called "honey" by a waitress who did not recognize the man's true character nor realize he certainly isn't anyone's honey was just too much for Brett. He does acknowledge that his elementary teacher wife uses the term "honey" when address her precious 2nd-grade charges who live in the South, but only since she has moved to the South. The move, in large part, might be an attempt to get away from the heartless, criminal, robotic emotion types from Pennsylvania and the West Coast. He does correctly cite Mark Bazer who says that the use of "honey" by waitresses to to make the customer feel at home. So again, the assertion must be made that Lunceford has been mistakenly called "honey" by waitresses because they don't realize that they don't want to make him feel at home, but rather actually desire that he return home.
Brett also dutifully quote Robert Sutton and Anat Rafaeli as stating that waitress (and presumably chauvinist male waiters) are seeking to earn tips with friendliness, something he apparently doesn't possess nor care much about learning. Now, if only waiters and waitresses (who would not be able to even read his verbose critique of them) at the low-end restaurants patronized by perfesser Lunceford who with his school teacher wife, who have the means to eat at finer establishments with staff appropriately educated on how to communicate with those who have a completely distorted view of their communicative abilities, knew to ask, "Are you Brett Lunceford?", they would NOT call him honey and the problem would be solved.
All of this brings to mind the Dunning-Kruger effect. It basically describes someone as believing they have skills and abilities and that everyone around them is incompetent or of lesser skill and can not even be taught any differently. Lunceford, perhaps you might try to learn to be nice to the people waiting on you and don't worry what terms they use to address you unless use a pejorative term. And, what do we from the South know? We can barely talk and certainly can't write anything of substance.
What’s he even doing at Waffle House then?
“Get a rope.”
Wonder how he would respond to “Kiss my grits!”?
Back in the 1990’s I worked with a lady who was very motherly and she would call you dear or honey. My lady boss at the time over heard her calling me honey and wanted to file a complaint on my behalf with HR.
Told her if she wanted to because it was a “hostile environment” to knock herself out, but from my perspective I was not threatened or harassed by the comment.
She was outraged on by behalf! Nothing ever came of it.
Well isn’t he just the sweetest little ole thing? Bless his heart.
Once during a work place conference call I addressed the person I was speaking to as “hon” and “dear” several times. My boss who hailed from NY was somewhat aghast. I made a quick apology to the person I was speaking to along the lines of not meaning to offend. His reply was that he did not mind at all as it reminded him of home and he really missed hearing such in everyday conversations. He knew perfectly well it was just a natural way some of us speak in the South and didn’t mean I was fixing to pick out china patterns and cozy up to his mama.
At the completion of a meal, when the waitress asks, how you found the steak? It was right there under the parsley.
The guy ate at a waffle house and it challenged his entire world view...
Terrible. This guy must spend all his waking hours trying to appear intelligent.
It’s too bad people have encouraged him.
Look...people in the South are just morefriendly than most other places. If the waitress calls you honey feel free to call her darlin’.
Well bless his heart!
She was telling You to pick Her up after the Shift and she would put one on for You;)
Its just an example of how provincial he is. He needs to get out more.
LOL!
I am transituoning to the civilian world after 20 some odd years in the military. My last assignment was back home, in the South. One of my staff is a sweet little grandmother from Alabama. I called her Miss Sue. On day we were talking about something and she let go and called my baby. The color left her face and and she started stumbling…. I patted her on the hand and assured her it was OK. “Don’t you worry. I from around here! “
Did You by chance order french toast?
You’ve got a good point. That’s pretty much my experience too.
I suppose had the waitress called him “hun” he’d have taken it for a slur.
He would be more at home in Minnesota. Except he was not born there, he did not even go to junior high there. So he would have no clique to fall back on.
I was born in New Jersey, but I am Texan by the grace of God.
Your post was exactly what I was thinking.
Some people need to get a life.
Oh that is a wonderful story and catches the essence of being Southern to a T.
“If it helps him understand, just substitute “dumb*ss” for “honey” and he’ll get to a level he can comprehend.”
Years ago, I was TDY in Florida with some other guys. One of the guys asked the waitress if the tea came with sugar already in it.
“Honey”, she replied - and yes, she put ‘Honey’ on the front end - “ahl ahr tay is sweet tay here. Would y’ahl like some?”
From the expression and her voice, it conveyed your translation perfectly.
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