Posted on 05/02/2014 5:35:07 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Just join right in, post your funny pictures, jokes, comments and random humor and it will make every ones day better.
THIS JUST IN...
A public school teacher was arrested today at Tampa International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Eric Holder said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.
He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-Gebra is a problem for us", the Attorney General said. "They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns' but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle.'"
When asked to comment on the arrest, 0bama said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes." White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President. It is believed that another Nobel Prize will follow.
Recently, while I was working in the flower beds in the front yard, my neighbors stopped to chat as they returned home from walking their dog. During our friendly conversation, I asked their little girl what she wanted to be when she grew up.
She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, Democratic Party members, were standing there so I asked her, "If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?"
She replied... "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people." Her parents beamed with pride! "Wow...what a worthy goal!" I said. "But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that!" I told her.
"What do you mean?" she replied.
So I told her, "You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and trim my hedge, and I'll pay you $50. Then you can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house."
She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?"
I said, "Welcome to the Rebublican Party." Her parents aren't speaking to me anymore.
A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country. Well, there's a very simple answer.
Nobody bothered to check the oil. We just didn't know we were getting low.
The reason for that is purely geographical. Our OIL is located in:
Any Questions?
NO?
Didn't think so.
The Last Beer On Earth
A Day Without A Beer
20,000 Beers Beneath The Sea
Thirty Beers Over Tokyo
The Ice Beer Cometh
Snow White And The Seven Beers
Very odd. I thought red hammer before doing any of the math.
Red hammer? Must have seen OZero.
(P.S.: I thought red hammer too. I guess that's the most popular color and tool.)
(P.P.S.: But now that Obama is in office with all his popularity, you'd think that the most popular answer would be black president.)
The Beer Hunter
Hot Beer on a Tin Roof
It’s a Wonderful Beer
Hunt For The Red Beertober
The Wizard of Beer
Sunset Beerlavarde...
(man, I’m suddenly thirsty for some reason)
A former Sergeant in the Marine Corps took a new job as a high school teacher.
Just before the school year started, he injured his back. He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn’t noticeable.
On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart-aleck punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and he knew they would be testing his discipline in the classroom.
Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.
Dead silence.....
The rest of the year went very smoothly.
Black hammer. Black background and black oriented posts above.
John Wayne beer movies:
True Beer
Big Beer
The Beer Man
The Beer Day
Beer Searchers
The Beer of Katie Elder
The Man Who Shot Liberty Beer
Lord of the Beers?
The Fellowship of the Beer.
The Two Beers
The Return of the Beer.
The Hobbit
Beer and Back Again
The Desolation of Beer
I said blue shovel and that’s odd since yellow is my favorite color. Hmmm.
I got a purple rake... lol
Lol and I have never even tasted beer.
Well, it's not a joke - actually, this isn't a joke thread - it's a silliness thread, although jokes are posted.
OK, so I'll explain it to you like your an Obama voter - take a close look at the duck - doesn't it appear to be happy and smiling, possibly showing anticipation of a treat? That doesn't happen often, but perhaps you don't feed ducks treats, perhaps you live in the hood and there are no ducks around?
Anyway, silliness is in the eye of the beholder.
I've never been around ducks, but chickens sometimes had that look on their faces. I guess that's why I didn't get it.
Thanks!
Beer is not Dead.
Black pliers. But then, I already knew I wasn’t normal.
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