***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

[Lucky9teen]

Funny Valentine’s day quotes

I trust you plan more for Valentine’s Day than Russia prepared for the Olympics.

I hope you noticed that not only the Sochi Olympics opening ceremony is missing a ring.

What’s does my perfect Valentine’s day look like? I am sitting at work with 5 cell phones in front of me and people are calling me every 10 minutes to buy one of the 50 reservations that I made in different restaurants.

If you‘re alone during Valentine’s day, it is priceless for you. Otherwise you would spend a few hundred dollars.

If you feel sad that you stay alone during Valentine‘s day, just remember that nobody loves you on any of those other 355 days of the year.

Today is February 14^th – St. Valentine’s day. Women call it Love day, while men name it as extortion day.

To comfort your sister if she’s alone during Valentine’s day, you may say: 80 percent of my socks are single but I have never seen them crying because of that.

My boyfriend told me I can do with him whatever I want on Valentine’s Day, so I tied him up and went to the nightclub.

Happy Valentine’s Day to all the couples, wish your love last forever and to all single people wish your batteries last forever…

Valentine’s Day is for couples. All singles can enjoy themselves for rest of 364 days of the year.

Please remember that Valentine’s Day is a polite reminder that Christmas decorations must go down!

Love doesn’t have a price tag on it, but all its accessories has.

It would be great if Valentine’s Day came with a fast-forward button.

Funny Valentine’s day greetings and wishes

I‘m only in this for your cute butt. Obviously. Happy Valentine‘s day.

I love you just the way I am

A real confession: You mean so much more to me than my new iPhone!

I do not need a photograph to remember you, because you are always on my mind.

Darling, will you be my player number 2?

To be happy with a man you have to understand him a lot and love me a little. While with the women it‘s vice versa: love them a lot and don‘t even try to understand them. Happy Valentine’s day!

I would love you even if you were so ugly that everyone died.

You would be perfect (if only you lost 20 pounds)

I need to fall in love, because I haven’t had any problems for a long time. Happy February 14^th!

You have to kiss a lot of frogs, before you find your prince on the horse.

You should leave office earlier today so your colleagues will think you have some romantic plans for Valentine’s Day.

I wish you would be my emergency contact person one day.

I’m celebrating no need to celebrate Valentine’s Day.

Congratulations! You are my first repetitive Valentine.

I suspect you was cheating, your gift for me was too amazing.

I want to say thank you for the flowers I’m going to send to myself and pretend are from you.

[Arrowhead1952]

Extreme Cold Weather Predicted

Late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in North Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn’t tell what the winter was going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, ‘Is the coming winter going to be cold?’

‘It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,’ the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. ‘Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?’

‘Yes,’ the man at National Weather Service again replied, ‘it’s going to be a very cold winter.’

The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. ‘Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?’

‘Absolutely,’ the man replied. ‘It’s looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we’ve ever seen.’

‘How can you be so sure?’ the chief asked.

The weatherman replied, ‘The Indians are collecting a butt load of firewood’.

[Lucky9teen]

Janitor's Revenge: How to annoy people when it snows.

[Arrowhead1952]

Building Permit

Some have asked what I’m going to be doing in 2014.

Well, I applied for a building permit for a new house. It was going to be 100 ft. tall and 400 ft. wide, with 12 gun turrets at various heights, and windows all over the place and a loud outside entertainment sound system that was going to wake the whole ‘hood. It would have parking for 200 cars, and I was going to paint it ‘snot’ green with pink trim.

The City Council told me; “Forget it...IT AIN’T GONNA HAPPEN!”

So, I sent the application in again but this time I called it a ‘Mosque’.

Work starts on Monday.

I love this country. It’s the government that scares the crap out of me.

[fredhead]

Yesterday was the 24th anniversary of proposing to my wife. Last June she left me. Thbis is what I want to send her for Valentine's Day:

[JoeProBono]

Watch the ice

[Focault's Pendulum]

[KC_Lion]

Overly Attached Uncle Sam

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3cw4185gvM

[ErnBatavia]

Happy, happy, happy!

[EQAndyBuzz]

Top something... Woohoo

[Monkey Face]

Does that skirt make her butts look big?

[JoeProBono]

http://www.jgsales.com/saiga-ak-style-rifle,-223,-20.5-barrel,-black-synthetic-stock,-new.-p-60035.html

[DrewsDad]

Instructions to make Origami Valentine

[TheOldLady]

We have a winner.

[JRios1968]

[JoeProBono]

[Rummyfan]

LOL!

[Monkey Face]

GAH!!!! Disturbing is right! How many illegals is she smuggling into the White House?

[Monkey Face]

That looks about the right size...

[BenLurkin]

Honest Trailers : Transformers http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzJuDo5ots0

[BenLurkin]