***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

[Lucky9teen]

We're sorry to announce that due to budget cuts the beloved carol "Silver Bells"
will be replaced with the more cost-effective carol "Aluminum Bells."

Can you spot Obama taking a selfie?

Kids and Christmas:

"Santa's Lap"

As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?"
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"

-=+=-

"Christmas Pageant"

Two daughters had been given parts in a Christmas pageant at their Church.
At dinner that night, they got into an argument as to who had the most important role.
Finally the 14 year old said to her 8 year old younger sister, "Well, you just ask Mom.
She'll tell you it's much harder to be a virgin than it is to be an angel."

-=+=-

"The Nativity Scene"

A 7-year old child was drawing a picture of the Nativity.
The picture was very good, including Mary, Joseph and, of course, baby Jesus.
However, there was a fat man standing in the corner of the stable, that just did not seem to fit in.
When the child was asked about it, she replied, "Oh, That's Round John Virgin."

-=+=-

"The Lost Purse"

A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping.
It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her.
Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm.... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it.
Now there are twenty $1 bills."
The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."

[fredhead]

[llevrok]

I almost gave up on the JFG picture!

You were right the first time. Ask any self respecting liberal and he was John F'n God.

[llevrok]

An old man in his mid-seventies struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat.

His wife, seeing the unexpected behaviour, asks, Where are you going?’
He replies, ‘I’m going to the doctor.’

She says, ‘Why, are you sick?’
He says, ‘Nope, I’m going to get me some of that Viagra stuff.’

Immediately the wife starts working and positioning herself to get out of her rocker and begins to put on her coat.
He says, ‘Where the heck are you going’?
She answers, ‘I’m going to the doctor, too.’

He says, ‘Why, what do you need?’
She says, ‘If you’re going to start using that rusty old thing, I’m getting a Tetanus shot

[exit82]

Looks like the “3” should be a “4” as in a 3-4-5 triangle.

[Dr. Thorne]

So, just in case I’m gone tomorrow, please rest assured that I voted against that incompetent, lying Muslim and reggae-loving, perverted, disingenuous phony, bleeding heart, narcissistic, scientific and economic moron, socialist, and piece of shit Obama.

So, you don't seem to dislike him as much as the rest of us. C'mon, get with it!

[Lucky9teen]

[TexasCajun]

First Class Blonde

A plane is on its way to Detroit when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section.

The flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that she must sit in economy class because that's the type of ticket she paid for.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."

After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-piolet that there's a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat. The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, "I'm blonde, I'm beatiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."

The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land. The pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde." He goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry," then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.

"I told her first class isn't going to Detroit."

Hehe ...oldie but a goodie.

[Moltke]

Yep. I’d give the student a “pass” for providing a benevolent answer to a badly presented problem. (Instead of calling the teacher a rightly-deserved dipsh!t.)

[Lucky9teen]

[moose07]

Merry CHRISTmas to you too ,Lucky!
The Boston Picture was a tough one to solve.

[Monkey Face]

And here I am, just coming in...
I was so late that my other pings hid this one. *sigh*

But NOW, I can enjoy the thread! Thanks for posting this, and have a very joyous Christmas!

‘Face

[Monkey Face]

well said!

[Monkey Face]

That was SO perfect!

[clearcarbon]

[llevrok]

That’s a good one!!

GHOTI = Fish (per George Bernard Shaw)

GH sounds like “f” in Tough
O as in the “i” sound plural Women
TI as in the “sh” sound in motion.

Or as the English folk philosopher, Dr Samuel Johnson once said - “Never trust a man (or woman in your case) who only knows how to spell a word one way”.

[relentlessly]