Posted on 07/16/2013 4:26:10 AM PDT by Lazamataz
Yesterday I got the worst possible news: My cat, my little girl Cathy might be dying. It started with a note from Kim, who is foster-sitting her, that Cathy was dropped off at the vet for excessive drinking. After some tests, diabetes and cancer and the like were ruled out, but she has a very serious condition called hepatic lipidosis. It was caused pretty much because she stopped eating because she missed her daddy. It's likely to be Separation Anxiety. When she stopped eating, the liver got very fatty and the liver enzymes and other readings skyrocketed. Right now some of the readings are 15 times normal. The prognosis, originally given as 'not good' (sent me into huge tears, again) was revised to the more accurate prognosis of 'uncertain'.
I scrambled to get to her at the vet and fed her her favorite, shaved turkey. She ate a little but gagged, but that is normal because she feels so nauseous. She was happy as hell to see me and purred (according to the vet) for the first time since she's been there. She's eaten twice, and while that's a good sign, there is no guarentee she pulls through. My eyes are clouding up as I type this. This is my little baby girl who I got as a tiny pre-weaned kitten. She really loves me and I wanted her to be with me for many more years. She's a mean kitty to everyone except me. She LOVES her Daddy!
I tried to pet her but she's feeling so sick she pushed my hand away with her little paw. She is glad to see me though.
I pray she doesn't die. Dear God, heal my little girl so we can have many more years together. I love my little girl.
I was angry at the pet foster people that they didn't pick up on this sooner, especially since they work with so many cats, but I know they didn't do this on purpose, and I know they have so many cats that it might escape notice. I won't put this on them. It just happened. If little Cathy pulls through, they've agreed to do things differently, having Shane spend time with her and we feed her shaved turkey from time to time. We just need little girl to pull through.
Today I go there and spend a few hours with her. Hopefully that gives her the will to pull through.
I almost wanted to blame myself if I hadn't gotten loaded (something I did after the stresses of losing the 2012 election, and believing my country died), she wouldn't have been separated and experienced the stress of missing Daddy and stopping her eating. More to the point, if I hadn't gone into recovery housing, she wouldn't have been separated. But that's convoluted thinking. It's not real. One way or the other, continued using would have killed her.
I know two things from this: I can love deeply, and someone or something can love me deeply so much so that missing me is killing them.
CATHY, PLEASE PULL THROUGH, HONEY!!!! GOD, PLEASE HEAL HER LITTLE LIVER AND GALL BLADDER!!! PLEASE!!!!
She has gone to the Rainbow Bridge where I’m sure my Rocket will jolly her up in no time. You will meet again.
That’s how it is with some catz.
It has been difficult to hear what you are going through as I am deeply grieving the loss of my little Yoda too. Just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Some don’t think of loyalty in a cat, but it is there, and strongly so in many kitties. You were her world and that was all that counted to her.
Those here who have had to make that heartfelt decision know how difficult it is. But we make the decision for the cat’s sake, not ours, and that is why it is so hard.
I do believe in the soul living on and the same with these little God-given creatures. There was one experience I had after dear Teddy died and I swear he was right with me. So do believe that she is with you in spirit, Laz.
When it was time, we brought her to the little room where we first got together after she got sick, and put her on my chest, they brought me a very low-reclining office chair. She was growling at being handled and was hating being fussed over. When the doctor hit her with the lethal dose, she turned and looked at me in surprise and maybe for protection, or maybe it was her realizing she was dying so she wanted one last look at me. It was a very haunting look, and that look screwed with my head today. I finally got some clarity about it.
I finally realized what that ‘haunting’ look was. She was in so much nausea and feeling bad today that it was time to stop that sickness feeling. The next day would have been worse, then the next day even worse, and if she even made it to the third day, it would have been torture. So when the drug hit her little heart, she was shocked and looked to me for comfort, and my answer is, “I’m giving you comfort, honey. I’m giving it to you.”
I hope someone can benefit from what I have been writing. I hope this helps someone someday. People say I have a gift for writing, so ... maybe this strikes a nerve with someone and helps them.
I know exactly what you are talking about.
I first saw that look at sixteen when I had to put down the two dogs I had grown up with.
My father was too weak to do it so they asked me. You were man enough to not run away but to do what needed to be done. I know it hurt but there was clearly nothing else left to be done.
I hope a little time brings you peace my friend.
Laz,
So, so sorry.
chickensoup
She died in the comfort and love of your arms. What could be better for her? Nothing! Hard on you, oh yes, most definitely, but this was about her passing, not yours. She’s gone onto Rainbow Bridge with Saint Francis, TOL’s Rocket, my sweetest Pug, Jack and countless FRiends. God bless you both. I’m so sorry, dearest Laz.
“When the doctor hit her with the lethal dose, she turned and looked at me in surprise and maybe for protection, or maybe it was her realizing she was dying so she wanted one last look at me. It was a very haunting look, and that look screwed with my head today.”
Very sad to even read about this one particular moment. I can understand what you are going through tonight. Very sorry.
She’s home now, waiting for you. Now you can make her proud....
Sorry for your loss, our prayers are with you.
I know what you have gone through with the loss of your little Yoda. I have felt the exact same thing. I cry for your little girl, too. Prayers that we might both find comfort and solace.
Doing OK, Laz ?
Not so great, but as expected....
I’m so deeply sorry for your loss. We were present for our Smokie’s last moments a couple of years ago. It’s something you never get over. Then I lost .45MAN a year and a half later. I know they’re together and I look forward to seeing them both once again. Wishing you strength and understanding. From personal experience, I know you could use a boatload of both.
Laz:
So sorry for your loss. You and Cathy blessed one another with your love.
I have cats and know what you are going through...prayers sent for Cathy.
I saw little Cathy kitty yestertoday and she was so sick. She hated being moved at all and there was none of the loving headbutting, She just felt like hell. She stared at me and made lovey eyes from time to time but most of the time she was just feeling like shit. Her eyes were half open a lot, sometimes she would stare at the wall. I couldn’t see her go on like that any more. I said my goodbyes and cried repeatedly, outside and with her.
The tech said something powerful, that she hadn’t seen an owner this dedicated and loving often and she told me Cathy was lucky to have had me as her owner, even if she had to be put away. Other people said that she had been loved more in four years than others had in 15.
We brought her to the little room where we first got together after she got sick, and put her on my chest, they brought me a very low-reclining office chair. She was growling at being handled and was hating being fussed over. When the doctor hit her with the lethal dose, she turned and looked at me in surprise and maybe for protection, or maybe it was her realizing she was dying so she wanted one last look at me. It was a very haunting look. I spoke about this with Jake and he said that look could mean whatever I wanted. I feel it was the shock of feeling her little heart stop so of course she looked to Daddy. She lied down and died right afterwards.
I had already said my goodbyes. I even said one last one, crying, before I had them administer the shot.
As much crying as I had done before, I didn’t cry at all after. They asked if I wanted to spend time with her corpse, but I was repelled by it. It was no longer Cathy. Cathy was gone.
I walked outside, and I smoked a cigarette, and I felt numb, like I had just done drugs or drank to the point of stupor. I felt the same confused and mixed-up feeling, and it surprised me. I thought I would be overwrought with grief, but I was numb. It scared me.
Rob and I talked on the phone and it was during that talk that I realized what that ‘haunting’ look was. She was in so much nausea and feeling bad today that it was time to stop that sickness feeling. The next day would have been worse, then the next day even worse, and if she even made it to the third day, it would have been torture. So when the drug hit her little heart, she was shocked and looked to me for comfort...
And my answer was, “I’m giving you comfort, honey. I’m giving it to you.”
Oh God, the emotions are back. Crying again.
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