Dave Says Say No to Mom

Townhall.com ^ | May 22, 2013 | Dave Ramsey

[Kaslin]

Dear Dave,

I live outside Houston with my wife and our 9-month-old daughter. I’ve received a job offer from a company on the other side of the city that would pay, with bonuses, $25,000 a year more than I’m currently making. This would require moving to a new house and away from our extended family. My wife wants to move because my mom can be a little overbearing. I understand how she feels, but I’m not certain I want to move or take a new job. What’s your advice?

David

Dear David,

I’m not so sure this is a job change question as much as it is about the state of your relationships. I know it’s hard to keep the grandparents away when there’s a baby in the house; that kind of goes with the territory. But I can also understand how lots of unexpected visits and unsolicited advice can wear on a person.

If it were me, I wouldn’t change jobs just to run from something. My advice is to try setting boundaries in your relationships with your parents instead of installing geographical boundaries. You might want to pick up a copy of Dr. Henry Cloud’s great book Boundaries. Remember, your mom may not realize she’s intruding on your lives. This book is full of insight, and it will give you both some good advice on how to manage relationships in a healthy, loving way.

Like I said, I really don’t feel this is a job-move issue. I think you guys just need to establish some fair and reasonable emotional distance between yourselves and your family.

—Dave

Dear Dave,

My husband and I are debt-free except for our mortgage, and we make $65,000 a year. At this point, we have only $17,000 left to pay on the house. We haven’t fully gotten into all the retirement planning you say should come before paying off your home. But with so little left on the house, should we attack this last bit of debt and pay it off as soon as possible? We can have it done in five or six months.

Nancy

Dear Nancy,

I don’t see anything wrong with going ahead and knocking out the house, especially if you’re that close to making it happen. Normally, the people I talk to still have $100,000 to $200,000 left on their mortgages. This is a little bit different story.

Usually, I’m pretty hardcore about sticking with the proper order while doing the Baby Steps. Even in my book The Total Money Makeover, I didn’t leave room for people to go ahead and pay off a tiny, little mortgage ahead of investing for retirement. But in this situation, I think that’s exactly what I’d do.

Think about it, Nancy. You could be completely debt-free by year’s end, and you’re still underway with retirement planning. What a great Christmas gift for you and your husband to give each other!

—Dave

[CSM]

Another Dave Ramsey Ping

[CSM]

“Some folks have clearly organized their lives and careers very intelligently.”

You too can be in those wonderful situations. I don’t know your current specifics, but no matter what they are you can get to those very same situations!

“It CAN be done!” -President Ronaldus Magnus

[Silentgypsy]

Or Dallas/FW. It can take an eternity to get through there.

[IllumiNaughtyByNature]

Commuting in Houston is about the same a getting nail in your foot twice a day. Painful, not enjoyable and just plain stupid. The job might as well be in Atlanta if his commute would try to take him across Houston.

[ottbmare]

You’re very kind. I’m getting fairly old now, and have had many dreams shot down, despite the investment of enormous amounts of effort. At this point I’ve concluded that the Lord just did not intend me to be prosperous, and I’ll be grateful if He allows me to have the last dream: to live on a few acres in the country, have some kind of modest job for my old age, keep serious illness at bay, and avoid hunger. That sounds miserable but it’s not. I am a happy person by nature, and I could be happy with some chickens, a dog or two, and garden. If it’s God’s will to shoot down my efforts to put together a career in my late middle age, then all I can do is praise and thank Him.

[yorkiemom]

My husband and I are debt-free except for our mortgage, and we make $65,000 a year. At this point, we have only $17,000 left to pay on the house. We haven’t fully gotten into all the retirement planning you say should come before paying off your home. But with so little left on the house, should we attack this last bit of debt and pay it off as soon as possible? We can have it done in five or six months.

I'm impressed they could pay off their mortgage. Goes to show - it's not how much someone makes, but how they budget their money and their priorities.

[yorkiemom]

Please don't read these to make yourself feel bad. But to learn how to do what these people are doing. Sometimes it's luck also (as with a job offer) or who you know.

[yorkiemom]

You’re very kind. I’m getting fairly old now, and have had many dreams shot down, despite the investment of enormous amounts of effort. At this point I’ve concluded that the Lord just did not intend me to be prosperous, and I’ll be grateful if He allows me to have the last dream: to live on a few acres in the country, have some kind of modest job for my old age, keep serious illness at bay, and avoid hunger. That sounds miserable but it’s not. I am a happy person by nature, and I could be happy with some chickens, a dog or two, and garden. If it’s God’s will to shoot down my efforts to put together a career in my late middle age, then all I can do is praise and thank Him.

That is so sweet, humble, and inspiring. God would rather we be humble and ready to serve - than wealthy. And I find in my life that I am more humble when I have less. Otherwise I start to think that 'I' did it all myself. I think he knows what we each need.

Like you, a country home with chickens is my dream. A simple life tending the garden and the critters is all I need. Unfortunately, I have to get out of the city first - and hopefully, out of California! I'd like to get back to the US eventually. We're on the 5 year retirement plan, but it is seeming like an eternity at this point. Good luck to you - and hope you are blessed with this simple life as well!

[yorkiemom]

I messed up the html....obviously!

[Jane Long]

Take the job, commute for several months. If you like the job, move closer to work.

I know folks who've been commuting across Houston for years :(