Posted on 05/22/2013 12:02:02 PM PDT by Kaslin
Dear Dave,
I live outside Houston with my wife and our 9-month-old daughter. I’ve received a job offer from a company on the other side of the city that would pay, with bonuses, $25,000 a year more than I’m currently making. This would require moving to a new house and away from our extended family. My wife wants to move because my mom can be a little overbearing. I understand how she feels, but I’m not certain I want to move or take a new job. What’s your advice?
David
Dear David,
I’m not so sure this is a job change question as much as it is about the state of your relationships. I know it’s hard to keep the grandparents away when there’s a baby in the house; that kind of goes with the territory. But I can also understand how lots of unexpected visits and unsolicited advice can wear on a person.
If it were me, I wouldn’t change jobs just to run from something. My advice is to try setting boundaries in your relationships with your parents instead of installing geographical boundaries. You might want to pick up a copy of Dr. Henry Cloud’s great book Boundaries. Remember, your mom may not realize she’s intruding on your lives. This book is full of insight, and it will give you both some good advice on how to manage relationships in a healthy, loving way.
Like I said, I really don’t feel this is a job-move issue. I think you guys just need to establish some fair and reasonable emotional distance between yourselves and your family.
—Dave
Dear Dave,
My husband and I are debt-free except for our mortgage, and we make $65,000 a year. At this point, we have only $17,000 left to pay on the house. We haven’t fully gotten into all the retirement planning you say should come before paying off your home. But with so little left on the house, should we attack this last bit of debt and pay it off as soon as possible? We can have it done in five or six months.
Nancy
Dear Nancy,
I don’t see anything wrong with going ahead and knocking out the house, especially if you’re that close to making it happen. Normally, the people I talk to still have $100,000 to $200,000 left on their mortgages. This is a little bit different story.
Usually, I’m pretty hardcore about sticking with the proper order while doing the Baby Steps. Even in my book The Total Money Makeover, I didn’t leave room for people to go ahead and pay off a tiny, little mortgage ahead of investing for retirement. But in this situation, I think that’s exactly what I’d do.
Think about it, Nancy. You could be completely debt-free by year’s end, and you’re still underway with retirement planning. What a great Christmas gift for you and your husband to give each other!
—Dave
This guy is ready to move because of a new job across the city? I commute 60 effing miles one way and I refuse to move.
This guy is ready to move because of a new job across the city? I commute 60 effing miles one way and I refuse to move.
Must be a really big city if moving to the other side would be too far away from the grandparents.
Maybe the “city” he’s talking about is LA or Chicago, and “the other side” takes 3 hours to get to.
Houston.
Like you, I often drive 60 miles one way to work. I'm in construction. any job less than an hours drive is in my back yard, to me.
I live NW of Chicago. For the last 3+ years I’ve worked SE of Chicago in NW Indiana. I’m extremely familiar with LOONNGG commutes.
He’s across the city! For an extra 25Gs that shouldn’t be a problem. I’m sure his parents would make the “trek” to see their grandchild.
Houston, is what it said.
That is what I am thinking too. Now if he were across the country that would be a different story
Maybe his parents still live in the horse and buggy days? /s>
Ya, hahah, this guy is a big time wuss! “Commute you loser!” An hour commute is nothing.
My commute is 95 miles a day. I’m not moving one step closer to Cleveland.
I’m a grandma that lives near Houston. If you can commute against the traffic 60 miles is really no big deal. With the traffic it can turn into 2 to 3 hours one way.
Seems to me like the grandmother and DIL may not have the best of relationships. Happens all the time, is not the end of the world and can be worked around.
I don’t understand why someone would turn down a job that pays $25,000 a year more. So take the job and the extra money and move. Let Grandma pick up the child on Friday and keep at her house until Sunday evening if the grandchild’s activity schedule permits. Gives her uninterrupted time with her grandchild and gives the parents some adult together time.
Time with grandparents is very, very important to a child. My oldest grandchild lived a 3 hour plane ride away and I went to see him once a month when he was growing up. The youngest lives 10 minutes away and comes to my house every chance he gets. My DIL not so much but that’s fine. Boundaries in every relationship need to be established - especially and even with family members. Most grandmas I know will comply with the rules, their grandchildren are too important to them.
What? You think I read the articles before posting? ;) Actually, I did read it but managed to miss that detail.
I always love reading the financial advice columns. All these people wondering what to do with all their money—! I can’t imagine what it would be like to be getting job offers at all, much less ones that pay $25K more than one is already getting, or being in a position to put $17K into the house and have it all paid off. Some folks have clearly organized their lives and careers very intelligently.
Dave Ramsey ping
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