Clean Up Your Room Day
When: Always on May 10th
Clean Up Your Room Day is a day parents eagerly await........... and kids dread!
Posted on 05/10/2013 8:09:14 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
When: Always on May 10th
Clean Up Your Room Day is a day parents eagerly await........... and kids dread!
If you've got kids, it is very possible that their rooms are a vast wasteland, completely filled with "good stuff". "Messy" is too kind of an adjective to describe the conditions. Its impossible to walk through the room. Every dresser and shelf (and under the bed), is packed with everything imaginable. Dust has been piling up as long as your child has been around. Comfy, cozy, and quite livable to the child, its an everyday source of frustration for the "folks".
To mom and dad's delight, and every child's chagrin, Clean Up Your Room Day arrives every May 10th. Get out the shovels. Call in an industrial sized dumpster. Its time for everyone to clean your rooms!
A mother was walking with her four year old daughter one day when the daughter picked up something off the ground and started to put it into her mouth. The mother stopped her and said she shouldn't do that.
"Why," asked the little girl.
"Because it’s dirty. It's been on the ground. You don't know where it's been. It probably has germs."
The little girl looked up at her mom with admiration and asked, "How do you know so much?"
Thinking quickly, the mother said, "All moms know so much. We have to. It's on the Mommy Test. If you don't know it, you don't get to be a mommy."
The little girl pondered this for a few minutes, then her face brightened. "I get it!" she said. "If you don't pass the test, you get to be a daddy!"
"Yup," said the mom.
Mothers only offer advice on two occasions: when you want it and when you don't.
If you can't remember whether or not you called your mother, you didn't.
The motherly advice you ignore will always turn out to be the best advice she ever gave you.
Never criticize your mother's cooking if you expect to get any more of it.
If you think you have any secrets from your mother, remember who has changed your diapers.
Never lie to your mother. And if you do, never think you got away with it.
The older you are, the more you feel like a child around your mother.
Mother's way is best. If you don't believe it, ask her.
When you are broke, ask mom for a loan. She will help you remember what you wasted all your money on.
The more times mother reminds you to take an umbrella, the greater the probability of rain.
Accomplishments are made possible by your mother - failures are your own fault.
Mother can always tell you a better way to do something after you've already done it.
The longer it's been since you cleaned house, the more likely it is that mother will visit.
Never tell your mother you have nothing to do. She can always find something.
There are always two sides to a story - the way it really happened and the way mother remembers it.
Mothers always "know." We don't know how - they just do.
Black Salt!
Orange pencil... Sounds vaguely suggestive...
We’re related. I’m Red Chair.
Red Wall!
They are being replaced with the terms "Parent #1" and Parent #2."
Maybe "Parent #1-2" will be used by women's libbers.
Could be worse... I’m “The Gray Lamp.”
Hello, Cousin!
Neither "The Grey Wall" or "The Grey Bathroom" sound very menacing.
Red Whiteboard???
Turnabout is fair play....
A devout Arab Muslim entered a black cab in London. He curtly asked the cabbie to turn off the radio because as decreed by his religious teaching, he must not listen to music because in the time of the prophet there was no music, especially Western music which is the music of the infidel.
The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab and opened the door.
The Arab Muslim asked him, “What are you doing? “The cabbie answered, “In the time of the prophet there were no taxis, so piss off and wait for a camel!”
Church Organist
There was a small church in Texas that had a very big-busted organist. Her breasts were so huge that they inadvertently bounced and jiggled the entire time she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted most of the congregation considerably, both male and female.
The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.
So, one of the ladies approached her, very discreetly, and told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them on the nipples of her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size, but warned her to not eat any of the green persimmons, because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up and you won’t be able to talk properly for a week!. The perky organist agreed to try rubbing the persimmons on her nipples.
The following Sunday morning the minister got up in the pulpit and said..Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not haff a thermon tewday.
Dave Feherty - CBS GOLF ANNOUNCER
He said one day, “It would be easier to pick a broken nose, than a winner in that group.”
A few choice Dave Feherty quotes are below. If you watch golf on TV, he’s often an announcer with a distinct Northern Ireland accent and a colorful way of putting things,. . . . . so to speak. Feherty is a CBS and Golf Channel announcer who finds very unique, colorful and uninhibited ways of explaining or describing whatever is on his mind ... (he’s probably always on time delay these days).
Feherty Quotes:
“Fortunately, Rory is 22 years old so his right wrist should be the strongest muscle in his body.”
“That ball is so far left, Lassie couldn’t find it if it was wrapped in bacon.”
“I am sorry Nick Faldo couldn’t be here this week. He is attending the birth of his next wife.”
Jim Furyk’s swing “looks like an octopus falling out of a tree.”
Describing VJ Singh’s prodigious practice regime - “V hits more balls than Elton John’s chin.” (I thought I was going to hurt myself laughing at that one.)
“That’s a great shot with that swing.”
“It’s OK - the bunker stopped it.”
At Augusta 2011 –
“It’s just a glorious day. The only way to ruin a day like this would be to play golf on it.”
“That was a great shot - if they’d have put the pin there today.”
“Watching Phil Mickelson play golf is like watching a drunk chasing a balloon near the edge of a cliff.”
“That green appears smaller than a Pygmie’s nipple”.
Forward this to any golfers with a sense of humor.
Purple Wine Glass
Tan Water Dispenser...fear me!
White junk
Lots of stuff to my left
According to the superhero naming rules, I am “The Green Cracker”. (it’s a rye crisp cracker)
Beware criminals, The Green Cracker is here!
White/Green/Gold Pint Glass
White Schmirnoff
The ‘Black Duvet’ would like to say: Thanks for another great thread, Luck. And Goodnight. :)
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