World Press Freedom Day
When: Always on May 3rd
Posted on 05/03/2013 5:53:41 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Edited on 05/03/2013 8:43:38 AM PDT by Admin Moderator. [history]
When: Always on May 3rd
World Press Freedom Day recognizes the value of freedom of expression, and the sacrifices journalist have made to attain this freedom. It was created, and is sponsored, by the United Nations. While we enjoy this freedom in the United States, freedom of the press, and freedom of expression, is not a given right in many countries.
Each year, UNESCO awards the UNESCO/Guillermo Cano World Press Freedom Prize to someone who has made a major contribution towards journalistic freedom.
World Press Freedom Day activities include UN sponsored conferences and seminars on this issue. Teachers are encouraged to create lesson plans. As individuals, we can learn more about the issues. And, we can support efforts to further freedom of the press.
A Harley Biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion’s cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.
Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.
The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, ‘Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I’ve seen a man do in my whole life.’
The Harley rider replies, ‘Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.’
The reporter says, ‘Well, I’ll make sure this won’t go unnoticed. I’m a journalist, you know, and tomorrow’s paper will have this story on the front page… So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?’
The biker replies, I’m a U.S. Marine and a Republican
The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:
A journalist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the journalist. "How about the good job Obama is doing, even though the Republicans are blocking everything he wants to do and Conservatives keep saying the government is out to get them?" as he smiled smugly.
"Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"
The journalist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss Obama, Republicans, Conservatives or what the government is up to, when you don't know shit?"
And then she went back to reading her book.
When a visitor to a small town in Georgia came upon a wild dog attacking a young boy, he quickly grabbed the animal and throttled it with his two hands.
A reporter saw the incident, congratulated the man and told him the headline the following day would read, "Valiant Local Man Saves Child by Killing Vicious Animal."
The hero told the journalist that he wasn't from that town.
"Well, then," the reporter said, "the headline will probably say, 'Georgia Man Saves Child by Killing Dog'."
"Actually," the man said, "I'm from Connecticut."
"In that case," the reporter said in a huff, "the headline should read, 'Yankee Kills Family Pet'.
George W. Bush is seen crossing the Potomac river on foot.
The Washington Post : "President Bush crosses the Potomac River".
The Washington Time : "Bush's conservative approach saves taxpayers a boat".
Mother Jones : "Bush can't swim".
How many journalists does it take to change a light bulb?
Three
One to report that the Electric Company hired a light bulb assassin to break the bulb in the first place
One to report it as a diabolical government plot to deprive the poor of darkness
And one to win a Pulitzer prize for reporting it as an inspired government program to bring light to the people.
A Soviet journalist walks into the hospital and tells the desk nurse, "I want to see the eye-ear doctor."
"There is no such doctor" she tells him. "Perhaps you would like to see someone else?"
"No, I need to see an eye-ear doctor," he says.
"But there is no such doctor," she replies. "We have doctors for the eyes and doctors for the ear, nose and throat, but no eye-ear doctor."
No help. He repeats, "I want to see the eye-ear doctor."
They go around like this for a few minutes and then the nurse says: "Comrade, there is no eye-ear doctor, but if there were one, why would you want to see him?"
"Because," he replies, "I keep hearing one thing and seeing another."
God and The Devil were sitting on a cloud one sunny day, sharing a bottle of mead and laughing about all the pranks they pulled on each other.
Below them on earth, they saw a man rowing a boat down a river, singing happily:
“Row row row your boat,
gently down the stream,
merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
life is but a dream...”
The Devil said to God, “What would happen if we took away a third of that guy’s brain?” So God waved His hand, and the man kept singing:
“Row row... your boat,
gently down...e stream,
merrily... merrily,
life is... a dream...”
And they laughed long and loud, then God said, “Well, what if we took away two-thirds of that guy’s brain?” So God waved His hand once again, and the man kept singing:
“Row... boat,
...stream,
life... dream...”
And they laughed even louder, and got up to leave, but then The Devil said “Wait, I have to know, what if we took away ALL of that guy’s brain?” So God waved His hand once more, and the man was singing:
“Off we go, into the wild blue yonder...”
Do you know what the difference is between a Muslim suicide bomber and a woman with PMS?
You can at least negotiate with the terrorist.
llevrok seen ducking for cover...
I heard that joke told a little differently up in Canada where God and the devil did that to a Newfoundland fisherman. When all the brain was gone, the Newf sang “Alouette”
That’s not very silly. We’re turning out kids that can’t multiply four by six without a calculator. Seems to me we have enough stupid people out there without actually going out of our way to create more.
Besides importing them from Mexico, that is.
I have a pretty good set of questions I usually ask to let him know I was paying attention and really care about the job. Usually I already know the answer but asking the question is important. In this case I really did have a question about something that had piqued my curiosity.
“That office over there,” I nodded my head to my left, his right, “I haven’t seen anyone go in or out since I’ve been here. What’s it used for?”
“Oh, people don’t go in there. That’s where we keep the zombie coders.”
“Zombie coders?” My poker face was nowhere to be found. “You have zombies in there?”
“Oh, yeah.” He said. “They’re great. Their code is as good as we ever got from people. They don’t mind working long, hard hours, and we don’t have to pay them a thing.”
“But, I thought zombies were dangerous.” I was making sure I knew where the exits were.
“Oh, not if you feed them well,” he assured me. “They really don’t have any interest in coming out of that room. The only reason they would is if they got hungry. We haven’t ever had a problem with that. They don’t even get noisy any more, although in the early days the sounds coming through the door would tell us they were hungry.”
“But, how can you feed them if...”
“Shh,” he interrupted me, “you’re just in time. Just watch.”
At that point a man came into the room and said, “Did someone order pizza?” My host pointed to the door and the pizza man said, “Thanks.” Then he opened the door. Immediately he was snatched and I heard the first part of a scream before the door shut behind him and muffled the sound of rending flesh. Nobody else in the room even looked up.
“Delivery guys are our salvation. There are way too many of them in this city anyway. Nobody cares when one goes missing. And there are plenty of food places around here so we can order delivery for over 3 months before we have to repeat. It’s a really sweet setup.”
I’m not sure what he was reading in my face at this point, but I noticed more movement by that door. A man in a suit and tie knocked on the door and said, “OK, guys, status time.” Then he opened the door and went in. I cringed waiting for the sounds I had heard from the pizza guy, but was surprised when nothing happened. A few minutes later the door opened and the man in the suit came out. “Thanks, guys. See you tomorrow,” he said.
“How did he do that?” I asked, my eyes surely as round as saucers at this point.
“Oh, that was the project manager architect. He was never in any danger. The zombies only eat brains.”
And here I thought there was such thing as a Democrat theme song he would start singing.
“If I only had a brain”?
What’s “silly” is trying to follow the new “math algorithms that they want to teach. Talk about dumbing down...
Let alone 6 by 4!
Cheesh!! Kids these days....
Well, I told this joke to The Bride, and discovered that I have a very comfortable sofa...
It’s a good thing I havenn’t eaten today, yet. Otherwise, I would have spewed all over the laptop. Small doses, Lucky, small doses, please!
;o]
In the version I learned the guy in the boat is a sailor. When all of his brain is removed he starts pulling furiously on the oars and singing at the top of his lungs “BE ... ALL THAT YOU CAN BE ...”
I’ve heard all four service tunes cut and pasted into that one.
Funny thing is, The Bride never heard it. Which accounted for my sofa time that evening...
Yeah, but the punch line would be lost in that joke because they were removing his brains.
It’s good as a stand alone joke, though.
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