Contemplating a Divorce: What Should You Do to Protect Yourself Financially?

Townhall.com ^ | January 23, 2013 | Carrie Schwab Pomerantz

[Kaslin]

Dear Carrie, My sister is contemplating a divorce. She's always worked part-time but has pretty much let her husband handle the money. She also has two kids under 10. I'm worried and want to help. Do you have suggestions for how she can protect herself financially? --A Reader

Dear Reader, When facing a divorce, emotions often cloud financial judgment, so your sister is lucky to have someone like you to help her think clearly. She could have to deal with some potentially contentious issues, such as division of assets, payment of outstanding debts, spousal and child support -- all of which can seem overwhelming, especially to someone who's not used to handling financial matters.

Preparation is your sister's best protection. There are a number of things she should think about -- and do -- whether or not she ultimately decides to divorce. And while she'll have to handle many of the details herself, you may be able to lend a hand by helping her prioritize and take things step by step.

Collect financial information

To me, no matter what the circumstances, each partner in a marriage should be aware of overall household finances and have access to financial information. For your sister, gathering this information will be the first step toward feeling more secure. Records she should have on hand include:

--Property owned (i.e., house, car) and how it's titled

--Outstanding mortgage or home equity loans

--Bank and investment accounts, including account numbers and balances

--Consumer debt such as credit card balances and auto loans

--Types of insurance (homeowners, auto, life, health) and where the policies are kept

--Retirement accounts, both her own and her husband's

--Estate planning documents (wills, trusts, etc.)

It would also be wise to take an inventory of household goods and personal property. All of these things can factor into a divorce settlement.

Establish individual credit

If she doesn't already have at least one major credit card in her name only, urge your sister to open one immediately and use it. This will help her establish a personal credit history, which will be essential should she decide to be on her own.

Once she has her own credit in place -- and she's started divorce proceedings -- it would be a good idea to close old joint credit card accounts. It's best to do it in writing, clearly stating that she's no longer responsible for new charges. Letters should be dated and copies kept.

Figure out short- and long-term financial needs

Your sister should also do some serious thinking about what she needs to support herself and her children both now and in the future, including:

--Monthly living expenses, including mortgage or rent, utilities, groceries, transportation, healthcare, insurance, etc.

--Childcare costs

--Big-ticket items, such as orthodontics, lessons and other extracurricular programs

--College costs

This is the type of planning everyone should do, regardless of marital status. Perhaps you can talk to your sister about your own budgeting to give her an idea of what's realistic.

Separate assets

It would be good for your sister to complete the previous steps even if she doesn't go through with a divorce. If she does decide to divorce, depending on state laws, she can also begin to separate her assets even before divorce papers are served. She should check with her attorney and banker about closing any joint checking and savings accounts and putting half the money into her own account. Another option is to place assets from a closed account in an escrow account until her divorce settlement is complete.

Once she and her husband have separated, she can also freeze assets in all joint brokerage accounts by immediately notifying their company in writing and asking that no transactions be made without her approval.

Consider mediation

If your sister and her husband are on relatively good terms, you might want to help her look into mediation. Mediation is often less contentious than litigation -- and can help reduce both the emotional and financial costs. There are organizations such as the Academy of Family Mediators that provide online resources and referrals to qualified mediators.

Look to the future

Regardless of whether or not your sister gets a divorce, encourage her to start to become more financially independent. Talk to her about setting some goals, developing a budget, creating an emergency fund and saving for retirement.

Discussing these ideas should give your sister a bit more assurance in dealing with the financial aspects of a potential divorce. Whatever her decision, ideally she'll end up with more financial knowledge and a greater sense of personal security. I wish her the best.

The information herein is not intended as Legal advice. Where such advice is necessary and appropriate, please consult a qualified attorney.

[Responsibility2nd]

Blah, blah, blah.

The (bleep) should contact any number of divorce attornies. They’ll tell her how to pre-arrange everything.

Then one day - DH ties his key in the lock - won’t open - and then he finds himself served with divorce papers and a TRO since he has now been accused of child abuse.

[Ouderkirk]

Obtaining a divorce.....

1) Buy a round trip airline ticket to Chicago with the return trip 24 hours later.

2) buy a sharp knife.

3) schedule Limousine service to the airport for the day of your flight.

4) buy a used white Ford Bronco.

Did I miss anything ?

[Rennes Templar]

Single mom, out of work, emotional abuse claim - should be eligible for about 4K per month from Dear Leader.

[Gay State Conservative]

...and then he finds himself served with divorce papers and a TRO since he has now been accused of child abuse.

I've read that it's basically SOP for a woman to claim spousal and/or child abuse at the start of divorce proceedings.There can be no doubt that at least some of these accusations are true but certainly not all of them.Any woman (or man) who makes such a claim should be able to back it up with clear evidence or face criminal prosecution.

[Ouderkirk]

Forgot the Iso-toner gloves

[freedomfiter2]

If your sister and her husband are on relatively good terms, you might want to help her look into mediation.

What’s wrong with this country? If they are on relatively good terms then divorce shouldn’t even be considered. Maybe instead of trying to take all she can get she should try giving a little bit in her marriage. It’s obvious that she is a selfish user from her long term premeditation.

[Political Junkie Too]

But wear dime-store flip-flops this time.

-PJ

[Jim Noble]

Burn your money to keep yourself warm, or give it all to the lawyers.

Your call.

Divorce isn’t about keeping your money.

[cuban leaf]

She should do what my ex did. Since I completely trusted her and never saw it coming (after 20 years and three daughters), she was able to sock away about 1/4 years worth of MY wages that I didn’t find out about until AFTER the divorce.

And over 70% of divorces are instigated by the woman. A young man who marries a female product of the current culture is gambling his entire future on a 50/50 proposition.

Don’t get me wrong. It happened 16 years ago and I don’t blame her. I blame the system that allows it. And I’ve been happily (VERY HAPPILY) married for 15 years now.

When I saw this thread the first thing I thought was that this woman’s husband needs to know what she’s up to.

[cuban leaf]

I’ve read that it’s basically SOP for a woman to claim spousal and/or child abuse at the start of divorce proceedings

---

Yeah, and then the husband, completely innocent, pleads guilty to a misdemeanor abuse charge to move on and discovers one day that he has signed away his right to ever own a gun.

What a country!

[SkyPilot]

Tell the sister to invoke the Violence Against Womens Act.

Accuse the husband of abuse/violence/intimidation/harsh language, etc.

The police will arrest the husband without charging him, and by the time everything gets cleared up (if it ever does), he is already screwed in divorce court.

Despite rigid feminist dogma that there are no gender differences, VAWA is totally grounded in feminist-created gender stereotypes. Starting with its title, Violence Against Women, its fundamental assumption is that men are naturally batterers and women are naturally victims. In other words, men are always guilty, and women must always be believed without fear of being punished for perjury. VAWA assumes there is no violence against men, and it doesn't provide services for men who are victims of domestic violence. The feminists have so broadened the definition of domestic violence that it doesn't have to be violent and can usually be whatever a woman alleges. Definitions of domestic violence include vague and overbroad concepts such as emotional distress, harassment, annoyance or merely unpleasant speech. Feminist recipients of VAWAs handouts use the money to train legislators, judges and prosecutors in feminist ideology and goals. This has resulted in dozens of state laws calling for mandatory arrest (i.e., the police must arrest someone, so guess who) and no-drop prosecution (i.e., the man must be prosecuted even in the large percentage of cases where the woman has withdrawn her accusation or refuses to testify).

[Palio di Siena]

I WILL outlive mx ex-wife and I WILL piss on her grave.

[conservative cat]

Ya know, this may work some places, but I live in a (liberal) community property, no-fault divorce state where my husband was not only abusive but also adulterous. I filed, yes, but only because he wouldn’t stop seeing his girlfriend. The courts did not care about his history, not even when it came to child custody and visitation. I had to fight for every little penny I helped to put into our property together (I worked and contributed equally).

[yldstrk]

Do not under any circumstances let your lawyer know what you have.

Keep that part private. Divide it up together if you have to go through this travesty.

Know that your children, not you, will pay a huge price for your selfishness.

[Michael Barnes]

Yup..the only “ones” that win in divorce today are the attorneys. I wish my x would understand that.

[SgtHooper]

Any attorney would require full disclosure of any funds hidden or otherwise. Check into suing the bitch.

[Pigsley]

I DO think it SOP for the woman's lawyer to go this route. It sickens me. I divorced a pretty bad guy after 6 years....he was pretty wealthy, and although I worked, our incomes were hardly the same. He also had a lot of stuff, a $2 mil dollar home nearly paid off, etc. What did I do? I got a highly respected lawyer who promptly started to throw gasoline on the fire and wanted to try to screw my husband out of as much of HIS $$$ as possible. We didn't have kids, or I'm sure she would have worked in a sex abuse angle. A lot of my “friends” also told me to go for the gold...after all, at 32 I needed to get half his IRA and pension....

This all disgusted me. I told my attny to knock it off and explained what I thought fair and due to me. She looked at me as if I was insane, but did the job I paid her to do.

I think men are treated pretty damn crumby in this society.

Women need to marry decent men and if a divorce happens, they should be decent. Using kids to gain $$$ or to inflict pain on a father—MAKES ME SICK.

Oh, and me? I'm now married to a very wonderful guy. He's successful, but not motivated by $$$, nor am I. It's a wonderful life.

[SaraJohnson]

People make a big mistake when they decide to divorce unless things are abusive. There is nothing but bigger headaches in divorce and it DOES hurt the children.

If I were looking at divorce, it would not happen until the kids were out and I had stacked up a chunk of money big enough for both of us to resettle without a problem. I’d also have a full time career with my own benefits and retirement plan.

Often women think they are going to just take the man’s money and live happily ever after as before they were divorced. In reality, unless he is super rich, she is going to be raising the kids alone and working full time and making him poor at the same time. Plus she’ll be hurting her children and there is no price you can put on the suffering and damage caused by breaking the bonds of family for children.

[cuban leaf]

Check into suing the bitch.

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Not worth it after all this time. Plus, she bought a condo for about $250k and still lives there. The units are now selling for around $75k.