(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)

1-11-13 | Lucky9teen

[Lucky9teen]

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A guy cruises thru a stop sign and gets pulled over by a local policeman. Guy hands the cop his driver’s license, insurance verification, plus his concealed carry permit.

“Okay, Mr. Smith,” the cop says. “I see your CCW permit. Are you carrying today?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Well then, better tell me what you got.”

Smith says, “Well, I got a .357 revolver in my inside coat pocket. There’s a 9mm semi-auto in the glove box. And, I’ve got a .22 magnum derringer in my right boot.”

“Okay,” the cop says. “Anything else?”

“Yeah, back in the trunk, there’s an AR15 and a shotgun. That’s about it.”

“Mr. Smith, are you on your way to or from a gun range...?”

“Nope.”

“Well then, what are you afraid of...?”

“Not a damn thing...”

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Identify this:

This is a picture of:

1.) A 3-year-old's drawing of mountains

2.) Deep thoughts of a suicidal Slinky

3.) An abstract doodle of boobies

4.) Obama's Treasury Secretary nominee's signature

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"Are you a Leftwing, Conservative or A Redneck"?

Here is a little test that will help you decide

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.

You are carrying a Glock cal 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Leftwing's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor! Or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think? What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted?

We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing!

I need to discuss with some friends over a latte and try to come to a consensus.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Conservative's Answer:

BANG!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Redneck's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click....
(sounds of reloading)

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click

Daughter:' Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?'

Son:' You got him, Pop! Can I shoot the next one?'

Wife:' You are not taking that to the taxidermist!

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[Envisioning]

More in line with todays theme.....

[Lucky9teen]

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, “What is wrong with you?”

Adam said, “Lord, I don’t have anyone to talk to.”

God said, “Then I will give you a companion, and she will be called a ‘woman’. This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you’ve had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give ‘love’ and compassion whenever needed. She will never question your behaviour or the company you keep. She will support you and understand that you have important decisions to make throughout your life and don’t have time for nonsense...”

Adam asked God, “What will this woman cost?”

God said, “An arm and a leg...”

Adam said, “What can I get for just a rib?”

[RetSignman]

[ArGee]

A Redneck Love Poem

West Virginia:

1.9 million people
15 last names.

[TNoldman]

ping

[ArGee]

After Adam and Eve ate of the apple, God went walking in the Garden of Eden to look for them. Finally God found Adam hiding. Adam said he was hiding because he was naked. God asked Adam how he knew he was naked and Adam admitted what he and Eve had done.

God looked around and said, "So, where's Eve?"

Adam said, "She was so ashamed, she's down at the river washing herself."

"Quick!" God commanded. "Go stop her or you'll never get rid of the smell."

[Lucky9teen]

I'm getting ready for a Tea Party

[ArGee]

[ArGee]

[Old Sarge]

We likes, it, Preciousss, we does, yesss....

[ArGee]

[Lucky9teen]

[ZirconEncrustedTweezers]

A conservative gun owner would never fire pistols in that manner. Because if you did, you wouldn’t be able to hit the ground if it weren’t for gravity.

[waterhill]

lol!

[ZirconEncrustedTweezers]

You’ll shoot your eye out, kid.

[who knows what evil?]

iGun? Send that to Limbaugh...he LOVES Apple products...

[ArGee]

[ArGee]

[who knows what evil?]

Nice chips...

[TexasCajun]

Our elected officials should petition the Motion Picture Association to create a new rating called the Body Count Index.

Liberal gun-grabbers scream for our guns (not theirs) all the while earning millions making movies that glorify gun violence.