Posted on 09/28/2012 6:05:00 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
They say that spoonerisms are a lay of wife.
bfl
Woohoo!!! It's Friday!!!!!!!!!
This is a family thread, so I can’t post what the Manager actually said when he was trying to tell the pitcher to hit the showers.
A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him.
“I have some good news and some bad news,” says the surgeon. “The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!”
“Oh God no!” cries the man “My golfing is over! Please Doc, what's the good news?”
“The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman's arm. I'll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant.”
“Go for it doc” says the man. “As long as I can play golf again.”
The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon. “Hi, how's the new arm?” asks the surgeon.
“Just great,” says the businessman. “I'm playing the best golf of my life. My new arm has a much finer touch and my putting has really improved.”
“That's great,” said the surgeon.
“Not only that,” continued the golfer, “my handwriting has improved, I've learned how to sew my own clothes and I've even taken up painting landscapes in watercolors.”
“Unbelievable!” said the surgeon, “I'm so glad to hear the transplant was such a great success. Are you having any side effects?”
“Well, just one problem,” said the golfer. “Every time I get an erection, I also get a headache.”
Sometimes you have to wait for that first coff o’ cuppee to kick in.
http://obamaphone.net/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpAOwJvTOio&feature=player_embedded
I’m assuming you get your stories from some Democrat-frequented forum. Based on their current candidate I can tell they’re all nucking futs!
NO FUT NUCKING!!!!
Law As It Should Be
Two men were walking down the street one evening when they observed a well dressed, attractive young woman ahead of them. One of them remarked to the other “I’d give $500 to spend the night with that woman.” To their surprise, the woman had heard the remark and, turning around, said, “I’ll take you up on that.” So, after bidding his friend good night, the man accompanied the woman to her apartment where they immediately went to bed.
The next morning, as he prepared to leave, the man presented her with a $50 bill. The woman demanded the rest of the money stating, “If you don’t give me the full $500 I’ll sue you for it.” He laughed saying, “I’d like to see you get it since prostitution is illegal.”
A couple days later he was surprised when served with a complaint and summons ordering him to appear in court. He hurried to his lawyer’s office and explained the details to him. His lawyer said, “She can’t possibly get a judgment against you on such grounds, but it will be interesting to see how the case is presented.”
On the appointed day and after the usual preliminaries, the woman’s lawyer addressed the court: “Your honor, my client is the owner of a piece of property , a garden spot surrounded by a profuse growth of shrubbery, which property she agreed to rent to the Defendant for specific purposes and for a specific length of time, for the sum of $500. The Defendant took possession of the property, used it extensively for the purpose for which it was rented, but upon vacating the premises paid only $50 of the agreed upon rental amount. The rental amount for this property was not excessive, and we ask the Court to enter judgment against the Defendant to assure payment of the balance.”
The man’s lawyer was amused at the way the case was presented. He therefore altered his planned defense and proceeded as follows: “Your honor, the Defendant agrees that the Plaintiff has a fine piece of property, that he did rent the property for the purpose and time. However, upon occupying the property, the Defendant found an open well around which he placed his own stones, sunk a shaft, erected a pump, all labor being performed by himself. These improvements to the property are sufficient to effect the unpaid balance and the Plaintiff was, as a result, adequately and fully compensated for the rental. The Defendant therefore moves the Court to deny judgment for the Plaintiff.”
The woman’s lawyer rose for rebuttal: “Your honor, Plaintiff agrees that the Defendant did find a well on the property, and that he did make the improvements as counsel stated. However, it was because he knew of the well that Defendant rented the property. Furthermore, upon vacating the premises, the Defendant removed the stones, pulled up the shaft and took the pump with him. In so doing, he not only dragged the equipment through the shrubbery, but he left the well hole larger than it was before his occupancy and left it easily accessible for little children. Plaintiff asks the Court for judgment in her favor.
AND SHE GOT IT!
I’m a big Start Trek fan, but only that original one. Not the later ones. You know the one I mean, with Craptain Kick and Sister Mock.
Now we shall see if Donny Jepp will actually freeve Lance over the new tuper sax.
Or will he chicken out like Balec Allwind did when Beorge Jush was elected in the U.S.?
I LUV that!! LOL
I think if we used spoonerism potential to choose our Presidents we couldn’t do much worse than the man we have now.
Just think of it:
Beorge Jush
Clill Binton
Ritt Mormony
All are better than Oarack Bobama
STAHP!!!
ROTFLMBO!!!
(Good thing there was nothing in my mouth or I would have to clean this thing before I could comment!)
Spoonerisms just aren’t as funny with acronyms.
LOTMFBMO???
That’s just silly.
Not a spoonerism, but a lawyer joke:
Q: What do lawyers use as contraceptives?
A: Their personalities.
As a lawyer, I can tell you that this joke, like all humor, has a basis in truth.
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