The Best and Funniest Country (esp. the South and Mid-West) Expressions [Vanity]

Pharmboy | 9-21-12 | Everyone

[Pharmboy]

I have always enjoyed hearing those funny and clever expressions handed down from grandmas and grandpas in the heartland. I grew up in the east, but went to school in the mid-west, and some of the guys I went to school with had some great ones.

I would love to hear some of yours.

I will start with a few that I heard years ago, and ask you folks to add your own favorites that you heard from friends and family.

My dad (NYC):

"Busier than a one-armed paper hanger."

From a buddy from Indiana:

"Well, he stands out like two turds in a pan of milk."

"She's crazier than a half-f***ed fox during the heat season."

From a guy from Georgia who lived down the hall [said about a woman who was not particularly attractive]:

She sure ain't nobody's pretty chile."

A woman from Maryland as she goes to answer the telelphone:

"What kind of fresh hell is this?"

Now you go...

[Georgia Girl 2]

Drunker than Cooter Brown
Coon ass drunk

[Rutabega]

From a long-ago male friend:
Wouldn’t kick her out of bed for eating crackers.

I always thought that was pretty funny.

[RC one]

yer about as handy as trapdoor in a canoe.

[madison10]

“If my dog had your face I’d shave his butt and make him walk backward.” (Also from husband’s family @ reunion)

[gartrell bibberts]

“Dumb as a box of hammers”

From my 100 year old grandmother “that (event- happening- person” is as queer as a potato tree”

[CrazyIvan]

I read a lot of Twain and have Missouri background and that sounds a lot like what he called “Pike county” dialect. My Mis. Relatives also differentiate between creek and crick. A crick is a creek narrow enought to step over.

[TheThirdRuffian]

Ugly: She has a face for radio. Coyote Ugly (now in common parlance) Punch her daddy ugly

Stupid people:

42 gallons short of a barrel 24 cents short of a quarter Rocket surgeon Vowell Buyer (Wheel of Fortune Reference) Thank God she's hot; otherwise they'd let her wander off and get eaten by coyotes. Couldn't count to 21 if he were barefoot and without pants.

big insults:

Chicken-eating Methodist

[ontap]

in the klondikes!!!

[Lurkina.n.Learnin]

Two kinds of pretty.
Pretty damn ugly and pretty apt to stay that way.

[slowhandluke]

My dad must have seen bigger errors, he used ‘cattywampus’, also in MN.

[yefragetuwrabrumuy]

For the etymology of unusual expressions, first Google them, to find out if they are a variant, then check out the online Etymology dictionary.

http://www.etymonline.com/

[KittenClaws]

Mean as an acre of snakes

Slower than smoke risin’ from horse $hit

[CrazyIvan]

Useless as teets on a boar.

[yefragetuwrabrumuy]

Typically that was cattywampus.

[yefragetuwrabrumuy]

Uglier than a mud fence, after a hard rain.

[TheThirdRuffian]

Ugly: She has a face for radio.
Coyote Ugly (now in common parlance)
Punch her daddy ugly


Stupid people:

42 gallons short of a barrel
24 cents short of a quarter
Rocket surgeon
Vowell Buyer (Wheel of Fortune Reference)
Thank God she's hot; otherwise they'd let her wander off and get eaten by coyotes.
Couldn't count to 21 if he were barefoot and without pants.

big insults:

Chicken-eating Methodist

[Average Al]

"(While following a very large woman in pants) “looks like two hogs fightin’ in a gunny sack. “

LOL!

[yefragetuwrabrumuy]

Joe Garagiola did a lovely take on that:

“Oh well, half of one, six dozen of the other.”

[KittenClaws]

Angry enough to spit nails

[Lurkina.n.Learnin]

Well you’re as sharp as a marble