(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)

[Lucky9teen]

Politically Incorrect Test

To ensure we Americans never offend anyone, particularly fanatics intent on killing us, airport screeners will not be allowed to profile people. They will continue random searches of 80 year old women, little kids, airline pilots with proper identification, secret service agents who are members of the President's security detail, 85 year old congressmen with metal hips and Medal Of Honor winning former Governors. Let's pause a moment and take the following test.

1. In 1972 at the Munich Olympics athletes were kidnapped & massacred by:
(a) Olga Corbut
(b) Sitting Bull
(c) Arnold Schwartzeneger
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

2. In 1979, the U.S. embassy in Iran was taken over by:
(a) Lost Norwegians
(b) Elvis
(c) A tour bus full of 80 year old women
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

3. During the 1990s, a number of Americans were kidnapped in Lebanon by:
(a) John Dillinger
(b) The King of Sweden
(c) The Boy Scouts
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

 

4. In 1983, the U.S. Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by:
(a) A Pizza delivery boy
(b) Pee Wee Herman
(c) Geraldo Rivera making up for a slow news day
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

5. In 1985, the cruise ship Achille Lauro was hijacked and a 70 year old American passenger was murdered and thrown overboard by:
(a) The Smurfs
(b) Davy Jones
(c) The Little Mermaid
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

6. In 1985, TWA flight 847 was hijacked in Athens and a U.S. Navy diver was murdered by
(a) Captain Kidd
(b) Charles Lindburgh
(c) Mother Teresa
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

7. In 1988, Pan Am flight 103 was bombed by:
(a) Scooby Doo
(b) The Tooth Fairy
(c) Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid who had a few sticks of dynamite left over from the train job
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

8. In 1993, the World Trade Center was bombed by:
(a) Richard Simmons
(b) Grandma Moses
(c) Michael Jordan
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

9. In 1998, the U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by:
(a) Mr. Rogers
(b) Hillary, to distract attention from Wild Bill's women problems
(c) The WWF to promote its next villain: Mustapha the Merciless
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

 

10. On 9/11/01, 4 airliners were hijacked & destroyed & thousands of people were killed by:
(a) Bugs Bunny, Wiley E. Coyote, Daffy Duck & Elmer Fudd
(b) The Supreme Court of Florida
(c) Mr. Bean
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

 

 

11. In 2002 the Unites States fought a war in Afghanistan against:
 (a) Enron
(b) The Lutheran Church
(c) The NFL
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

12. 1n 2002, reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped and murdered by:
(a) Bonny and Clyde
(b) Captain kangaroo
(c) Billy Graham
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

Hmmmm. . . . nope, no patterns anywhere to justify profiling that I can see.

 

 

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Handy Phrases For Traveling in the Middle Eastt

A few handy phrases translated to English -- in case you're ever kidnapped by terrorists.

AKBAR KHALI-KILI HAFTIR LOFTAN.= Thank you for showing me your marvelous gun.

FEKR GABUL CARDAN DAVAT RAEH GUSH DIVAR.= I am delighted to accept your kind invitation to lie down on the floor with my arms above my head and my legs apart.

SHOMAEH FIKR TAMOMEH GEH GOFTEK BANDE.= I agree with everything you have ever said or thought in your life.

AUTO ARRAREGH DVATEMAN MAMO SEPAHEH-HAST.= It is exceptionally kind of you to allow me to travel in the trunk of your car.

FASHAL-EH TUPEHMAN NA DEGAT MANO GOFTAM CHEESHAYEH MOHEMA RAJEBEH KESHAVAREHMAN.= If you will do me the kindness of not harming my genital appendages I will gladly reciprocate by betraying my country in public.

KHREL JEPAHEH MANEH VA JAYEII AMRKAHEY.= I will tell you the names and addresses of many American spies travelling as reporters.

BALLI, BALLI, BALLI!= Whatever you say!

MATERNIER GHERMEZ AHLIEH, GORBAN.= The red blindfold would be lovely, excellency.

TIKEH NUNEH BA OB KHRELEH BEZORG VA KHRUBE GOYAST INO BERGERAM.= The water-soaked bread crumbs are delicious, thank you. I must have the recipe.

BA BODENEH SHEERELL TEEGZ.= Truly, I would rather be a hostage to your greatly esteemed self than to spend a fortnight upon the person of Cheryl Tiegs.

[BerryDingle]

One donkey to the other: "Clint was right, he does do that to himself!"

[unique1]

Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi look on as Obama goes down on election day.

[ArGee]

Most people say, “THAT ArGee,” but, yes, it’s me. Good to see you, too.

Tell Dr. Sowell lately I can only take time to stop. Thinking takes too long.

[ArGee]

This is really unfair. There were some rocks even Superman couldn't lift.

[BenLurkin]

You mean...like this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fkLkPjVsQpQ (Skip Ad)

[Monkey Face]

TOP 100!!!

(I would apologize, but I went to see the Barrett-Jackson car show...)

;o]

[Phlyer]

NASA’s response was just three words, “Thaw the chicken.”

That's a fun story, and I wouldn't want to spoil your enjoyment. It might even be true that the Brits fired a frozen chicken, but I doubt it.

My company has a "chicken gun", too, and our requirement (which I believe is pretty standard) is that you use a 'fresh-killed' chicken so that there is no degradation of the tissues. Further, our test for a chicken always specified a 4-lb bird, so after it is killed, they weigh it and - if needed - inject water into the body until the weight is precisely 4 pounds.

Then they pack it in a fabric bag and enclose it in a sabot that just fits in the tube of the chicken gun. If the bird were frozen, it wouldn't deform to that regular, very round cylinder it takes to fit in the gun tube.

But, as I said, it's a fun story.

[Daffynition]

[Daffynition]

[Old Sarge]

Wife asks Hubby, "How many women have you slept with?"
Hubby replies, "Just you, sweetheart, I was awake with all the others."

And That's When The Fight Started...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wife and Hubby were shown into the dentist's office, where Hubby made it clear he was in a big hurry.
"No fancy stuff, Doctor," he ordered, "No gas or needles or any of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with."
"I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?"
Hubby turned to his wife and said, "Show him, honey."

And That's When The Fight Started...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wife and Hubby were sitting in the cool of the evening on the veranda. Suddenly Hubby says gently, “I love you.”
Wife smiles shyly, and asks, “Is that you or the wine talking?
Hubby replies, “It’s me... talking to the wine."

And That's When The Fight Started...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

While attending a Marriage Weekend, Wife and Hubby listened to the instructor declare, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other..”
He then addressed the men,
‘Can you name and describe your wife’s favorite flower?’
Hubby leaned over, touched Wife's hand gently, and whispered, ‘Robin Hood All-Purpose, isn’t it?’

And That's When The Fight Started...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After retiring, Hubby went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify my age. Hubby looked in my pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry, but he would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So Hubby opened his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is Proof enough for me' and she processed the application.
When he got home, Hubby excitedly told Wife about what happened. Wife said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten Disability, too.'

And That's When The Fight Started...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[llevrok]

Back in the 50’s, the province of Newfoundland (who then drove on the left) was added to the Canadaian Confederation (who drives on the right).

To ease in the change of driving from left to right, Newfoundland said trucks could remain on the left, for the next few months.

[JoeProBono]

[JoeProBono]

[Daffynition]

[unique1]

Reid, Pelosi, Obama and Clinton Can we afford 4 more years of this....

[unique1]

This is a perfect illustration of conservatives and liberals.

The genuinely friendly conservative dog reaches out to his rival and the liberal cat regards this as an attack upon him, expecting unreasonable demands.

[Ingtar]

I dunno. It seems that dogs are in the 47%.

[Nateman]

[ErnBatavia]

Dang...your double post kept me from being in the Top 79!!

[ErnBatavia]

a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train

There used to be a comedian that used colorful lingo to describe such, only he'd say such as "with a body that would evacuate the monastery" or "with a body that would make the Bishop kick in the stain glass window".