NFL Schedule - 2012 [Bender's Never Wrong Picks]

ESPN ^ | 9-3-12 | Bender2

[Bender2]

Week 1 NFL 2012 Season

WED, SEP 5 TIME (ET) TV RESOURCES LOCATION
Dallas at NY Giants 8:30 PM NBC Tickets MetLife Stadium

SUN, SEP 9 TIME (ET) TV RESOURCES LOCATION
Indianapolis at Chicago 1:00 PM CBS Tickets Soldier Field
Philadelphia at Cleveland 1:00 PM FOX Tickets Cleveland Browns Stadium
New England at Tennessee 1:00 PM CBS Tickets LP Field
Atlanta at Kansas City 1:00 PM FOX Tickets Arrowhead Stadium
Jacksonville at Minnesota 1:00 PM CBS Tickets Mall of America Field
Washington at New Orleans 1:00 PM FOX Tickets Mercedes-Benz Superdome
Buffalo at NY Jets 1:00 PM CBS Tickets MetLife Stadium
St. Louis at Detroit 1:00 PM FOX Tickets Ford Field
Miami at Houston 1:00 PM CBS Tickets Reliant Stadium
San Francisco at Green Bay 4:25 PM FOX Tickets Lambeau Field
Seattle at Arizona 4:25 PM FOX Tickets U of Phoenix Stadium
Carolina at Tampa Bay 4:25 PM FOX Tickets Raymond James Stadium
Pittsburgh at Denver 8:20 PM NBC Tickets Sports Authority Field at Mile High

MON, SEP 10 TIME (ET) TV RESOURCES LOCATION
Cincinnati at Baltimore 7:00 PM ESPN Tickets M&T Bank Stadium
San Diego at Oakland 10:15 PM ESPN Tickets Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum

[Bender2]

Whoa-- Hey, Lois? Lois Lane? Look on that little TV over the bar... that is one hot kiss between you... and Superman!

What? That's Superman... but I don't wear... a crown--

And... that's not my hair... or naked back--

And THAT... is not my... ass!

My Superman... He-- He's kissing that wussy skank... Wonder Woman!

Wonder?... Lois here! Listen up, you home-wrecking hussy!

I see you've been flashing those big boobs... of yours at Superman!

And your slutty way of dressing... has got him all hot and bothered!

You do realize I could crush you... with my little finger, don't you?

Bye-bye-- Yep... she sure could--

Well, it could have been worse. Superman could have been locking lips... with Batman!

Now, now, Lois. We all know those rumors... are just plain false--

Besides, surely we all know Aquaman... is the really weak sister in the Justice League.

Bat, old sport, I agree with you that Aquaman is the hands down fairy queen of the Justice League, but you just have to... stop calling me 'Shirley!'

Meanwhile, out past the pier... still waters run deep--

Whoa, my trusty steed, Storm... we have to stop all these unfounded rumors!

I must use my telepathic abilities... to call all my faithful supporters from the Atlantic--

And all my faithful supporters... from the Pacific--

We are coming from the North Atlantic... Aquaman!

As are we... from the South Pacific!

Aquaman, we supporters of yours from the North Atlantic... are coming to help!

And we of the Hawaiian waters... are coming to support you!

This is... wonderful!

Yew hew, Aquaman? The North Pacific Frisco Bay is full of your faithful supporters... and we are coming to back you all the way--

As is New York, all united in support... marching in lockstep for our dear, dear Aquaman!

And, where else would you be supported 100 percent? Only in the entire French.... Navy!

Talk about overplaying... your hand--

Still cannot forever see why in the world they would ever think... I am gay?

I agree, why do they all seem to think that Batman... and Aquaman are light in the loafers?

They are all just jealous of our totally masculine super powers... and well fitting costumes--

Finally made the big time... in DC Comics...

And now, on with my "Never Wrong" Picks... for Week One of the 2012 NFL Season:

Okay, okay, let's get the elephant in the room out of the way... Eli has gone too far--

"I've won two Super Bowls so I have a right... to be a diva!"

"And face it, if the Cowboys knock me... out of the game, no one can fill... my shoes!"

You got that right, girl... no one could fill those gravy boats!

Well, Eli, it is time for your comeuppance and my Boys... will do to the tune of 31 to 17--

Sunday finds these games and these exact score:

Indianapolis 10 at Chicago 24: Poor Andrew finds no luck in surviving his first attack... by Da Bears

Philadelphia 28 at Cleveland 3: Those poor Brown Stains chowed down on the wrong... feed--

New England 27 at Tennessee 21: Allegra Old Earlers, still Fisherless, get no respite... from Brady's march to the sea--

Atlanta 20 at Kansas City 21: My Old Dallas Texans... disguised as Indian Chiefs... ambush Vick's Old Team--

Jacksonville 14 at Minnesota 10: Yep, you do, Viqueens... you really do--

Washington 16 at New Orleans 31: Yep, old Roger was distracted by them comely female replacement refs and played like all the others that came before--

Buffalo 17 at NY Jets 28: Tebow pulls another one... out of the fire--

St. Louis 10 at Detroit 24: It was a love fest... that is until the dinner bell rang--

Miami 17 at Houston 35: Allegras Texicans have... a fish fry--

San Francisco 28 at Green Bay 31: Well, campers, it was Fromage vs Cheddar and big's yellow wheel... won hands down--

Seattle 27 at Arizona 13: Russell Wilson get his first, official NFL... kill--

Carolina 30 at Tampa Bay 24: Cam lives up to the hype... as Carolina's Anti-Pink Panthers... sink... the Bucs toots sweet--

Pittsburgh 27 at Denver 24: Sad to say, but Peyton's call to 'Win one... for the Gummer!" falls short --

Monday night me and ESPN have cooked up... a two fer--

Cincinnati 7 at Baltimore 23: Bendy needs my help but my Black Byrds don't... in routing Cinci--

San Diego 28 at Oakland 10: Those Raider hoards smell blood... but Norv knows it is his... last stand and gets the win--

All righty, boys and girls, it is time... for your y'all's picks.

I'll play a little pi'anner interlude for ya... but hurry up, I don't have all day!

[Bender2]

Gadzooks, I am still... playing!

Where are... y'all's picks?

[Little Bill]

My father was drafted by the Lions in 1937, he went into the CCC’s instead, wise move on his part.

[Dysart]

Lots of work there, Bender- love the Eli stuff. BTW, just checked the forecast up yonder in that New York City. Looks like thunderstorms Wed night. You'd think they'd have managed to put a lid on that little stadium of theirs.

Not sure about this season overall for the Cowboys, but maybe a little foul weather will rain out the home team's victory parade.

Thus, Dallas 24 Ny 20 on the strength of a Romo to Bryant TD and 2 Murray scores on the ground. Bailey never misses. Dallas secondary must show up big here; rookie Claiborne will get thrown into the big fire and must adjust to speed of the NFL right quick. I think he'll learn a lot from this game, and they will undoubtedly test him early and often.

[Bender2]

Well, you know what they say, Dy... great minds agree!

[thefactor]

You actually think my Giants are going to lose to the Cowboys on opening night, at home, coming off a(nother) SUPERBOWL win? You’ve done nothing to improve your team except build a pretty stadium. Truth is, until JJ stops trying to play GM, you guys are going nowhere. Stick to signing the checks, Jerry!

[dfwgator]

It’s all about Dallas’ OL, the good news is that they do have a decent line coach in Bill Callahan, but it’s pretty much a patchwork group.

[Dysart]

My father was drafted by the Lions in 1937, he went into the CCC’s instead, wise move on his part.

Perhaps. But he missed out on being a part of the Lions Super Bowl trophy case.

[Covenantor]

Bender2? You really want to meet him?

Ja...he's such a cute little percolator, so bubbly!

[Dysart]

Well, the Giants are not a dominant team by any stretch. This, even their more realistic fans will concede, so it’s not inconceivable that a comparable Dallas team will come out on top. Not at all. But they play the game for a reason, we shall see.

[dfwgator]

Defending Super Bowl champions don’t exactly have a sterling record in the first game of the following season.

[AnotherUnixGeek]

WED, SEP 5 TIME (ET) TV RESOURCES LOCATION
Dallas at NY Giants 8:30 PM NBC Tickets MetLife Stadium

Wednesday, seriously? Why?

[dfwgator]

“The One’s” Speech. As if anyone was going to watch it anyway.

[Little Bill]

LOL!!! He died in 1960 a few years before the Super Bowl. I did have a cousin that was drafted by the Reds in 1967 but he went into the Marine Corps instead. Now that was a missed opportunity.

[Dysart]

Here's a fun fact: Cowboys won 5 and lost 0 in opening day games against the Giants.

[cripplecreek]

I don’t really follow pro handball much.

[Bender2]

Re: Bender2? You really... want to meet him?

Ja... he's such a cute little percolator, so bubbly!

Don't you remember? Bendy went out... both Maria and Mariabot years ago!

Yes, but if you cute me some... he'll never notice--

Okay, more beer... more beer!

Hey, this may work out... better than Covenantor expects--

[Bender2]

Re: I don’t really follow pro handball much.

Well, I tell ya, crip, I was going to take you off my NFL pings but you ain't... there!

[thefactor]

Success in the NFL depends on quality of owner, GM, coach, QB. It's hard to argue that the Giants don't have A's in each of those.

I have never seen a defending SB champ get so little respect. We shall see.

[cripplecreek]

Well if you ever start a pro curling pinglist be sure to let me on it cause I’m there dood.