Posted on 08/07/2012 7:11:58 AM PDT by SeekAndFind
I love my son dearly, and I was looking forward to seeing him, but I couldn't face another summer living with him.
For six months, it had been an ongoing topic of discussion. But by May of this year it was abundantly clear that the time had come for our 23-year-old son, Flannery, a UCSB graduate in film, to get a place of his own.
I live and teach creative writing to college students in Alabama during the academic year. It's not ideal living 2,200 miles from my husband, but it's what we do to make a dent in the $100,000 in college debt we owe for our kids. My husband teaches second grade in LAUSD, and I come home for summers. I love my son dearly, and was looking forward to seeing him, but I couldn't face another summer living with him.
When my school year ended, Flannery flew to Birmingham to drive home to California with me. I was excited about the road trip, which would also include his 21-year-old sister, Lucy, who'd flown in from school in New York, and their 13-year-old sister, Norah, who lives with me in Alabama during the school year. But I had braced myself to stay firm about Flannery's moving out.
In Alabama I don't worry as much about him. An actor-director-musician-screenwriter, Flannery lives an artistic life, etched in a noir palette of late-night L.A. It had been a relief to be far away from the ignored texts, thumping band practice and driveway cleanup after raucous parties. To clean up one post-midnight mess, I poured steaming water on the cement, while three raccoons rose up like misty figures from a Miyazaki film to observe the driveway debauchery.
(Excerpt) Read more at latimes.com ...
My nephew graduated from film school (film editing) last year.No,he's not a pervert...he's a film fan who's also a technogeek.My sister paid a lot more than $100K.Before he entered I begged her to send him to the state university (where he had a full four year scholarship) but little "Jimmy" wanted the $120K school.Today,he's traveling 120 miles a day,3 days a week to make about $5/hr (I guess he's an "independent contractor" or something).He's a great kid but has the maturity of a 10 year old and my sister can never say "no" to him (she was widowed about 8 years ago).
Makes it handy, Mrs WBill leans on them during the day for lots of grandkid-sitting. It's pretty much a win-win-win for everybody.
We've had a few lean times. Mom and Dad have always offered - "You can move back in with us if you need to." I've told them, "No offense, but if I ask, it means that we're 1 step removed from a cardboard box on a steam grate." It's still nice to have a net to land on, but nicer not to use it.
When my family was moving into a new house just recently, there were a few complications with the closing. We wound up staying with Mom and Dad for about a week while things were getting sorted out. Frankly, that was long enough. :-)
The bottom line is a kid has to have some skin in the game. I have a Jr and Sr in high school. They both have jobs and it’s pretty nice I am not dishing out money to them when they are out with friends. They are saving and enjoying the summer at their expense....not mine.
My dad gave each of his children a suit case for high school graduation.
Kid should have taken out his own college loans. I doubt very seriously that he would have signed for $100,000. Parents are idiots.
Flannery will get you nowhere.
By the time I got to the part about her cleaning up the driveway after sonny-boy and friends, I was ready to vomit myself.
If my kids are that needy and self-centered in their 20s, I will officially declare myself a failed parent, not writing articles showing it off.
Were Flannery a graduate with a degree related to the Oil and Gas Industry, he’d have a starting salary of about $80,000 and would be paying off his student loans himself.
However, that would require that he would be able to do math, something that seems to have escaped the past two generations of Americans. The totally worthless Dept. of Miseducation ought to be investigating that serious deficiency because it is dangerous to our nation’s future.
M two boys were good kids, one about 23 the other about 21 when my wife and I decided that after 22 years in the Navy we were going to build and move into our own permanent new house. The builder told us that we could close and move in in 7-8 months. We informed the boys that we would be moving within that timeframe, and that they would not be moving with us, so it was time to find other arrangements. After a few moments of silence, they looked at each other and said “cool!”. I was completely speechless, having expected recriminations and a battle. It was the best thing we ever did for them, I think. 16 years later both area successful in their lives, with wonderful families and they even come visit us occasionally. You just gotta let them grow.
My story briefly. I worked since I was 10. I started cutting grass, moved to a steel mill and then tried college - which I could not afford. After 6 years in the Navy the GI bill put me through college. Then I got a job in Texas and never looked back. The biggest debt that I had was $1500 for a nice engagement ring. All of my children moved out after college. I always figured the ideal distance between me and my parents was 250 + miles. I have always been independent, but I was prepared and had some good breaks.
She’s waaay past 18, but I still don’t think her butt looks like a junk car...:)
C’mon, you know they are the exception not the rule.
On his 18th birthday, one guy I know came downstairs for breakfast to find his plate broken and his fork bent backwards. He got the hint.
That’s what we did. Son lived with us for a few months after he got out of the navy. Then found someone to split the rent on a house while he was in college. The roommate was a deadbeat and didn’t help pay the rent so he moved back in with us for awhile. He never asked a dime from us, and was adamant that we don’t help him over and above a room to live in. We didn’t mind him being home for awhile. He saved his money, got married in May. He’s going to school and working. He graduates December of this year. Wife has a degree. They have no college loans - both are very thrifty. He was home only as long as he needed to be. We’re glad to have the house to ourselves!
So....at that rate, he'd only need to work 20 years to break even. :-)
The politically correct thing to say is: "Well, he's getting a foot in the door. We all started out at the bottom. Etc." But, since we're all FReepers here, I can say that it sounds like a lot of money is getting flushed.
If the kid is techie, then he'll find another niche as soon as he gets hungry enough. There aren't many smart, technically-oriented people waiting in line at soup kitchens.
But, the short term will be tough to watch.
Not starting in a hole made *everything* easier for me. So many of my friends went deep in debt with college loans. Or, ran up their credit cards while working towards a permanent fulltime position. Or, did both, while buying a car, etc etc etc.
Tough to be successful when you're already a monthly house payment's worth (or more) of debt behind, before even buying a house.
That spells either "genius" or "loser." No middle ground there.
I get the hint his parents were a**holes,....and cowards,too!
Sheesh,some of you sound quite sensible ,but some sound not like tough love but wild animals .
Sure ,teach your kids to work and be responsible.
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