Posted on 07/06/2012 4:28:38 PM PDT by InvisibleChurch
What did the black guy, the latino guy, and the asian guy all have in common?
Believe it or not, they all liked cantaloupe.
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Why is there no Aspirin in the rain forest?
Because it wouldn't be financially viable to try and sell pharmaceuticals in the vastly unpopulated rain forest.
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Yo momma so fat she went on the Subway diet and is now exercising regularly to lose weight.
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If Chuck Norris has $5 and you have $5, you both have the same amount of money
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Knock knock.
Who's there?
To.
To who?
To whom.
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Whats green and has wheels?
Grass, I lied about the wheels.
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Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Dave.
Dave who?
Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.
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Why was six afraid of seven?
It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.
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Bob: Hey Jim, if you were a caveman, you would die.
Jim: Why?
Bob: Cause everybody dies.
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Q: What's the difference between a mountain goat and a pitching wedge?
A: A lot.
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A rabbi, a priest, and a minister walk into a bar. Unfortunately, the bar was closed due to the poor economy. Luckily there was an Applebee's across the street and they were able to save money with half-priced appetizers.
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What is invisible and smells like carrots?
Invisible carrots.
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How many illegal immigrants does it take to change a lightbulb?
Why should his legal status matter at all in this situation?
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What did the Episcopalian minister say at the AA meeting?
Alcohol is ruining my life.
A Bible.
Name three things that are black and white and red all over.
Three nuns falling down the stairs because they were reading their Bibles.
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Me.
Descartes boarded the plane and fastened his seat belt. A few minutes after takeoff the stewardess asked him, “Sir, would you like something to drink?”
Descartes replied: “Hmm... I think not.”
Then he disappeared.
My car tells me that my door is a jar. It’s not a jar, it’s a door. Stupid car.
An astronaut.
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