Posted on 06/13/2012 7:39:16 AM PDT by BenLurkin
LOS ANGELES (CBS) — The divorce rate is soaring among people in their 50s — and it’s most often the wife who wants out.
Since 1990, the divorce rate has doubled to 1 in 4 among couples over 50 years old, who are also referred to as “empty nesters.”
The trend is being called “Grey Divorce” and is outlined in a study published by Bowling Green State University.
Century City Family Divorce Attorney Marlo Von Oorschot wrote a book on the subject.
“People look at their marriages and say I could live’ til I’m 90 years old and do I wanna stay in this marriage?”
*In addition to longevity, women are sometimes more financially independent than before, there’s less social pressure to stay married and more focus on individual happiness.
A national survey conducted by AARP finds the majority of split ups are being initiated by women.
“Women in their 40s, 50s, 6o’s still feel very youthful and, if you’re in a marriage where your needs aren’t being met,…we have choices today,” Von Oorschot said.
That may be why dating websites catering to that generation are growing in popularity.
But Von Oorschot said while divorce is a difficult decision — at any age — it can come with more risks at a later age.
“The plans this couple had for 20, 30 years to retire at a certain age are derailed,” the attorney said.
Older couples undergoing divorce may be forced to have to start working again and losing health benefits.
But some believe that when a person is no longer in sync with their partner it can be much more rewarding to tend to their own needs
The Ring is a Magic Wand
It differentiates between people who are worth a damn,
and those who are not
Only one who is not worth a damn
would attempt to breach Covenant
The year comes up, and she really wants to talk, she says for closure. I figure, okay. I tell her fine. She responds, "I have to cut all contact for my sanity and because I have a boyfriend I love now."
LOL! Don't throw me in that br'er patch, Br'er Fox!
We have seen a large number of these former wives and soon to be former wives.
Certain behavorial patterns often seem to be common:
Expensive hair stylists several times each month and weekly spa treatments, and the husband is never asked if he likes the new hair style. Who pays for these hair and spa sessions?
While keeping the above, the wife hires a personal fitness trainer who makes visits while the husband is working. Often, if the personal trainer is a young hunk, she and he become friends with benefits. The husband gets no benefirs. Again, who gets to pay for all of this improvement and her benefits?
Expensive dental work re braces and other cosmetic dental work. Dentists who provide these expensive services often have close to a dozen assistants working for them. So who is paying for their salaries? Again, who pays for this?
Expensive clothing is now necessary for her new figure and hair. Talbots may not be expensive enough. Again who pays for this?
The, “I need to find my self which includes, expensive education courses that really don’t insure a good job.” Weekly nights out with their women friends and a couple of trips each year to Vegas or somewhere else, where what happens stays there. Often they go shopping for the new and very expensive clothes, they need. Again, who pays for this?
Yelling and screaming until the kiddy commute van is traded in for a luxury car. Again, who pays for this?
Then, often, the improved one gets a low paying job inspite of all of her improvement. The low paying job seems to be very demanding. She leaves early and comes home late, too tired to have much to do with the husband. Again/still, he has no benefits. Her salary doesn’t really cover her new work expenses and in particuliar her expensive work clothes, lunches/dinners without the husband and of course commuting costs.
Then, the wife trades up for a co worker, boss or a supposedly richer friend in their group. Gets a divorce and doesn’t remarry. Again, who pays for all of this.
Later, the former wife becomes a cougar and dumps the new lover. Or new lover drops her for a new improved model, then, then, she becomes a cougar, often living in the orginal husband’s home and still driving the luxury car he bought for her. Of course, he still is paying monthly support payments, so she can maintain her new improved life style, Again, who pays for all of this.
Of course, Oprah, the View and other anti husband tv shows have been great spiritual guides for these new improved, former wives.
My understanding was what drove women to divorce a man in his fifties was a grey ponytail, goatee, a pair of Birkenstocks and a tie-dyed tee shirt.
Yesterday was our 31st anniversary. Yet I haven’t spoken to my wife in over three months. We’re not fighting, I just like to interrupt.
It should be no surprise then, that those very same baby boomers are seeking relief from 'sandwich generation' responsibilities by seeking relief yet again, through decades of 'socially-engineered-acceptance' of divorce.
As a 50+ year old boomer, myself, I witness the stresses of multi-generational households, where adult children move back home and compete with frail, elderly extended family members for their parent's support - be it emotional, financial, physical etc - within their household's baby-boomer-driven-support system.
With the economy being driven over the cliff by this administration, divorce is likely viewed as just another escape hatch by multiple generations socially molded to seek relief from any and all inconvenient responsibility.
I think they do want a man around but it is very difficult to find a decent person at that age. It is very difficult to date at any age let alone in your 50's and 60's. From what I hear the available ones seem to be either in debt, have vices or they find out real quick in the dating life cycle why that person was divorced in the first place i.e personality problems. Not saying everyone who is divorced are like this...some marriages fail due just incompability and not all divorced people are at fault...some spouses, men and women, need divorced.
Men can easily be replaced with a dog, cat, horse, or just the companionship of other women.
But would they rather have a man but are relegated to the 14 cats out of necessity?
Women don't care as much as men whether or not they are getting sex either... it just isn't as important to them
Some. Majority do want passion and intimacy at all ages. The ones who don't want sex are in many cases dysfunctional for various reasons and is probably the reason why they are divorced-sexless marriage. And this goes for men also..it's not just a problem with women not wanting sex. Many women complain their hubbies have lost interest in sex as a reason for divorce. lot of Peg Bundy's out there. The marriage counselor next to my office tells me this all the time...very, very common.
I don’t know when that might have been, but the Government and Census Bureau, GAO Congress and so on all define it as 1946 to 1964, which of course makes it a more typical range than a 14 year period would be.
“Many women complain their hubbies have lost interest in sex as a reason for divorce. lot of Peg Bundy’s out there. The marriage counselor next to my office tells me this all the time...very, very common.”
Indeed. This discussion in stunningly one sided. Our culture is broken. There are constant commercials for Viagra, Cialis, etc., and what used to be considered “porn” is available at the turn of a tv channel. Strip clubs are no longer the haunt of low lifes, but something to brag about doing with one’s buddies. How does an older woman compete against all of that? On my 18th aniversary, my husband admitted the reason our bank account was thousands of dollars poorer, was because he was at a strip club. I gave up my career to follow him around the world for his job and be a stay at home mother. I never withheld sex and if anything, did what I could to always keep it spiced up. I refuse to give him a divorce and give him a pass though. I took my marriage vows very seriously before God. How many other women my age just head for divorce when they find this type of stuff out and can’t compete? There’s just no competing against a culture focused on youth, beauty, and sex.
“Someone else can be the bad guy there. “
Well said Darren.
LOL. You said it, brother.
The next logical question is "How will they vent their frustration?"
You nailed it. The pervasive message to women is "you can have it all." This, of course, is utter nonsense. Every purveyor of this message is selling something.
My brother waited until his youngest was 18 before he divorced...enough is enough for some.
Chris Titus: So who’s doing your thinking, dad, the big hear or the little one?
Stacy Keach: Right now, it has power of attorney.
Which pretty much squares with my own very unscientific survey of my own peers in their fifties. It's weird, the kids move out, and he gets served.
There is a political aspect to this, and not at all limited to this over-fifty crowd. "Family law" went through some very fundamental changes in the 70's with the concept of "no fault" divorce, it only takes one to decide to leave the marriage, and the other partner simply has no legal say in the matter.
And then, whoever has the greater income gets rolled. Sometimes it's the woman, but usually not. Hence the feminist obsession in the 60's and 70's with re-writing family law.
huh? boomers go from 1946 to 1964 - that makes the youngest of them getting ready to turn 50!
Regardless, this is a reflection of our extremely idiotic ‘me first’ culture - it’s sad.
You’re a hopeless romantic, Laz
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