Woohoo!! It's finally Friday!!!
Let the silliness begin!
Yay! Top 676 finally!
Let the silliness commence.
Roger Got Married Again
Roger , 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old . Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Roger, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Roger takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it’s Roger, Again he is ready for more ‘action’. Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more coupling. When the newly weds are done, Roger kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha, you guessed it - Roger is back again, rapping on the door and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more ‘action’. And, once more they enjoy each other.
But as Roger gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, ‘I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Roger.’
Roger, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says: ‘You mean I was here already?’
The moral of the story:
Don’t be afraid of getting old, Alzheimer’s has its advantages.
By the way, have I posted this already?
Anther email:
Written by a third grader , on what his grandparents do.
After Christmas , a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school. One child wrote the following:
We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house , but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Arizona . Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on their bicycles , and wear name tags , because they don’t know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wreck center , but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now , they do exercises there , but they don’t do them very well. There is a swimming pool too , but they all jump up and down in it with hats on. At their gate , there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out , and go cruising in their golf carts. Nobody there cooks , they just eat out. And , they eat the same thing every night - early birds. Some of the people can’t get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out , bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck. My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and , says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too. When I earn my retardment , I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out , so they can visit their grandchildren.
PRICELESS !
No joke....
Meanwhile on a German highway
As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world,
I rapidly realized that I don’t really give a rat’s hiney. It’s the tortoise life for me!
1. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.
3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
4. A tortoise doesn’t run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years.
And you tell me to exercise?? I don’t think so.
I’m retired. Go around me.
___
Fascinating shot - owl coming at camera
http://www.dogwork.com/owfo8/
THE CITY OF LOS ANGELES
HIGH SCHOOL MATH PROFICIENCY EXAM
NAME ____________________
GANG NAME _________________
TAG ____________________
HOOD ____________________
1). Little Johnny has an AK 47 with a 30 round clip. He usually misses 6 out of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shooting. How many drive-by shootings can Little Johnny attempt before he has to reload?
2). Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?
3). Rufus pimps 3 hos. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Rufus’s $800 per day crack habit?
4). Jerome wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounces will he need?
5). Willie gets $200 for a stolen BMW, $150 for stealing a Corvette, and $100 for a 4x4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4x4’s, how many more Corvettes must he have to steal to have $900?
6). Raoul got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?
Extra credit bonus: How much more time will he get for killing the ho that spent his money?
7). If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with 3 eight ounce cans of spray paint with 20% paint free?
8). Hector knocked up 3 girls in the gang. There are 27 girls in his gang. What is the exact percentage of girls Hector knocked up?
9). Bernie is a lookout for the gang. Bernie has a boa constrictor that eats 3 small rats per week at a cost of $5 per rat. If Bernie makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can he feed the boa on one week’s income?
10). Billy steals Joe’s skateboard. As Billy skates away at 35 mph, Joe loads his 357 Magnum. If it takes Joe 20 seconds to load his magnum, how far away will Billy be when he gets whacked?
Was the FR Department of Redundancy Department notified of these new regulations?
