I guess you had to be there.
What about the 2 British hunters that came back early when they saw a “BEAR LEFT” sign along the way.
That this title, let alone a University Degree for it, even exists is what's wrong with this world.
I barely cracked a smile at the first joke — I thought it predictable and slightly depraved. The second joke (the one that was the “funniest” for Americans), though somewhat predictable and slightly cruel, made me laugh outloud!
How does he smell?
AWFUL!
With thanks to Monty Python
The funniest joke (which has to be spoken to be funny) is:
There were two peanuts walking down the street,
and one of them was assaulted...
peanut.
Barak Obama went to a massage parlor, the girls told him it was self-service. Att. Gen. Holder screamed, "Racists!" and charged the girls with a hate crime.
I’ve heard both of those jokes before....did you hear about the two cannibals at the campfire? One says, “I hate my mother-in-law!” His friend replies, “So, try the potatoes.”
Michelle Obama walks into a tavern with a duck. The bartender asks, “Where did you get the pig?” Michelle looks puzzled and replies, “It’s a duck.” The bartender then says, “I was talking to the duck.”
A: It's always the same. 30 seconds of sex, then he's pooped.
The funniest joke in the world is the guy pictured in the article.
As Obama jumps from the plane laughing, the reverend starts wrestling with the boy scout and grabs the other parachute and begins to strap it on. The lad turns to the reverend and says, “No need to attack me, the “smartest” man in America just jumped from the plane wearing my back pack!”
“Mommy, Mommy, why am I going in Circles?!”
“Shut up, kid, or I’ll nail your OTHER foot to the floor!”
The Smith couple has dear neighbor friends of over 30 years, a Mr. & Mrs. Jones.
One day Mrs. Smith sadly informs Mr. Smith that Mrs. Jones has died.
2 months later she indignantly inform Mr. Smith that Mr. Jones has been seen dating another woman already.
Only a month later she updates that Mr. Jones is engaged to marry his new love and in fact, she has already moved in with Mr. Jones.
Mrs. Smith if further frustrated by her husbands lack of concern regarding this outrage and begins pressing her husband:
She -”If something happened to me, would you remarry so quickly?”
He - “It all depends dear...you never know...”
She - “Well! You wouldn’t let her move into OUR house, would you?”
He - “This is a nice house and we’ve put a lot of work into it.”
She - “Well! You wouldn’t let her sleep in OUR bed would you?”
He - “We only bought the bed 2 years ago, it’s perfectly fine.”
She - “Well! You wouldn’t let her use MY golf clubs would you?”
He - “Oh no dear....she’s left handed....”
That pic of the Kenyan at the link ruined it for me........
obama walks into a bar with a parrot perching on his shoulder. The bartender says, “That’s pretty cool. Where’d you get it?”
The parrot say, “Kenya.”
Sort of liked Emo Phillips religious joke a few years ago judged best.
“Emo Philips
The Guardian, Wednesday 28 September 2005 Article history This morning I received thrilling news: a joke I wrote more than 20 years ago has been voted the funniest religious joke of all time! In case you’ve missed it, here it is:
Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, “Don’t do it!” He said, “Nobody loves me.” I said, “God loves you. Do you believe in God?”
He said, “Yes.” I said, “Are you a Christian or a Jew?” He said, “A Christian.” I said, “Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?” He said, “Protestant.” I said, “Me, too! What franchise?” He said, “Baptist.” I said, “Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?” He said, “Northern Baptist.” I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?”
He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist.” I said, “Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?” He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region.” I said, “Me, too!”
Northern Conservative†Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?” He said, “Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912.” I said, “Die, heretic!” And I pushed him over.
Three nuns get into a car accident, and unfortunately die.
(at this point the muslims would laugh.)
They arrive at the pearly gates to find St. Peter there to greet them.
St Peter says, “Welcome to heaven. Before you enter, I have to ask you each a question about the bible. If you answer it correctly, you’ll get into heaven.”
The nuns look at each other, a little nervously as they didn’t expect this. But knowing a lot about the bible and their faith, they all nod an “ok”.
St Peter asks the first nun, “What was the name of the first man?” The nun answered back, “Adam.” St Peter smiled and said, “Correct, sister, enter into paradise.”
The second nun stepped up. St Peter asked “And what was the name of the place the first man lived?” the second nun smiled and said, “The Garden of Eden.” St Peter said “Correct my dear, enter into heaven.”
Now the third nun was their Mother Superior, and she approached St Peter. He said, “Now, since you are a Mother Superior, I have to ask you a tougher question than the first two.” If the elder nun was worried, she hid it well.
St. Peter paused a second, and said, “What was the first thing Eve said when she saw Adam?”
The Mother Superior stroked her chin as she was thinking about the answer and said “My, that’s a hard one.”
St Peter said “Correct, my dear, enter into paradise.”