SeekAndFind
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Posted on 12/24/2011 9:20:50 AM PST by SeekAndFind
Spanking has declined precipitously in American society, particularly among the educated. Darshak Sanghavi explores why:
Several experts with whom I spoke pointed to tougher laws on child abuse (that is, fear of prosecution), greater use of no-spanking day-care centers and nannies by two profession couples, or beliefs that spanking causes long-term psychological harm. But these don't necessarily support the personal experience of many parents. At my medical center, for example, I recently interviewed dozens of pediatricians and subspecialists about their own experience, and many recalled being whipped with belts, slapped in the face, or hit in other ways as children. Yet not a single one hit his or her own children today as a routine method of discipline. None of the above explanations seemed on target to them. Instead, they chose not to spank for an entirely practical reason: They had, they said, learned more effective ways of disciplining children.
That knowledge didn't come from their health-care providers. As with many pediatrics residencies, mine included nothing on the practical aspects of parenting. And studies show that pediatricians spend only a few seconds during checkups talking about how to discipline a child. Instead, modern practices of child discipline are conveyed through books, television shows, and other forms of popular culture that have shifted parenting norms. When my wife was pregnant with our first child, we sought out books like How To Talk so Kids Will Listen & Listen so Kids Will Talk that followed the path first blazed by Benjamin Spock and T. Berry Brazelton. Mass-marketed child care guides, along with popular shows like ABC's Supernanny (praised even in the august pages of the journal Pediatrics), offered an immersive curriculum on disciplining children without hitting them.
(Excerpt) Read more at theatlantic.com ...
We used to get it with the flyswatter. My mom kept it hanging over the washing machine. It didn’t hurt that much but it got your attention. One of my male friends said his mother used to say “Go cut me a stick”. Thats cold. LOL!!!
SeekAndFind
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Spankings aren't an answer to ALL things. And one size spanking doesn't fit all. It takes love and patience and wisdom in disciplining a child.
“... hitting older children is wrong”.
I tried to tell my six foot one, 200 hundred pound son that I would put him over my knee.... he laughed! (I was joking, of course). You are absolutely correct about not spanking if you are angry. It should be done when a parent has a calm mind. I NEVER punished them if they were sick, needed a nap, or were hungry. I personally believe spanking, if done on a rare occasion, accomplishes way more than a parent who hits a child all the time.
“I spanked all my kids - - once or twice each, at most. If you do it early, after that the threat alone is good enough because they know you will follow through.”
Exactly! I never have to spank my kids and rarely have to threaten them now. They know I’m dead dog serious and that justice will be sure and swift. Their job is to listen and obey.
I used to feel kind of sorry for people with out-of-control kids. Now I feel contempt. You can choose not to spank, but properly diciplining your kids is an act of love. Not doing so is abuse.
My 6-yead-old just ran up, gave me the biggest hug and told me she loved me. It doesn’t get better than that!
If ever given the chance... those who are advocates of not spanking will be begging for spanking.
If ever given the chance... those who are advocates of not spanking will be begging for spanking.
I believe that spanking builds character,sets behavioral limits,and imparts attention that kids need.It lets them know,hey,mom and dad love you,but there’s some things that will not be tolerated.We spanked our son till he was 6, and he grew up knowing there were certain things expected of him behavior-wise,and some things that were unacceptable.When he was spanked,we always told him why we did it,and let him know if he didn’t repeat the behavior,he would avoid another spanking.It worked.
As a child gets older, they learn that just cause they’re crabby or cold or hungry, its no reason to act out.
But while they are still too young to control crabbiness from physical needs, they should not be punished for it. That is a primitive way of thinking, akin to punishing a baby for crying. At its extreme, that way of thinking leads to child abuse.
Yep.
For far too many of today's lazy parents the answer is Ritalin instead of discipline.
It is disgusting.
Pray for America.
Not sure that applies. When I was a kid most of the spanking was done by my mother. Only major transgressions were deferred to Dad. That meant... waiting.
The thing you never see anymore is a mother swatting an unruly kid in the grocery store. On rare occasions when that does happen the woman draws all kinds of glares.
I personally believe spanking, if done on a rare occasion, accomplishes way more than a parent who hits a child all the time.
You are smart. You first think of the kind of person you want to “grow” from your treatment of the child, and plan accordingly. Rough, insensitive treatment breeds ugly people and we all know too many bastards in this world.
But cautious spankings of preschoolers can be defended to them later as an adult: I spanked you on the tush when you put my glasses in the toilet; when you ran toward the street, when you spit on your playmate - etc.
If you read my post you saw that I approve of thought- out spankings, on the tush with bare hand, from around 2 to 6.
But the biblical spare the rod quote is saying that whipping (with weapons) will make a better adult. That is incorrect. Abused kids are usually colder, meaner, and able to dissociate from how they are treating YOU as a fellow adult. Not all. But it’s a tendency. Dealing with kind people is better, whether it’s your spouse, your boss, or your check out lady.
I am fond of the idea that when the kids reach adulthood, they can remember specific spankings. That sounds odd but let me explain: I know one woman who was beaten all the time as a child. We were talking about her childhood and I asked her, “Why were you beaten?” She couldn’t remember many misbehaviors... they all sort of blended together because she was hit so many times. What she can remember is when the belt buckle drew blood on the back of her legs, when she had a hunk of hair ripped from her scalp that left a bald spot and when she was kicked down the basement flight of steps. THOSE behaviors she remembered only because the punishment was a bit more severe than the others. What I hope to achieve is my son saying, “I got a whack on the butt when I ran into the street” or my daughter, “I got a whack on the butt when I climbed on top of the table” (that is a long story but she deserved that one).
That’s because the discerning mother knows not to smack her child in public.
I never did it to my children. But, I knew a mother who pinched the inside of her son’s thigh when he was a toddler, sitting in the grocery cart. He had bitten her knuckle. He knew not to do that behavior. He also thought she wouldn’t do anything about it.
She placed her head close to his his, scolded him sternly in his ear, and pinched him.
He let out a surprised yelp and cried real tears with the quivering lip and runny nose.
He didn’t bite her again while they were out shopping.
I understand why she did what she did. The idea of discipline is to stop the behavior permanently, never to inflict abuse or let off frustration.
Spanking correctly (controlled, with reason given) for the right reasons is far superior to what has been going on for years (nothing). No negotiation on that point. And, in the absence of spanking, the results we see are near-psychotic adults AND children. Not listening to worldly points of view any more. Thanks.
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