Posted on 12/03/2011 8:24:28 AM PST by Java4Jay
1. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
1. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after BlueRay? I don’t want to have to restart my collection….again.
13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.
15. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
16. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
17. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?
18. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong brothers and sisters!
19. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
20. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone and Pinning the tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
21. The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was use in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. Ladies….Quit Laughing
The older I get the better I was.
Those are great! But #5, let me help: you fold them inside-out.
I’m not as good as I once was but I’m as good once, as I ever was.......................
#12 I can identify, as soon as I master a piece of technology it becomes obsolete.
18. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong brothers and sisters!
Every day I join in this on the way home!!!! Thanks for a great list.
here is another one- Things you predicted 30 years ago are coming true and people are complaing that no one predicted it 30 years ago.
Truth #22 - Where there’s smoke, you’ll probably find a media guy rubbing two sticks together.
Trust me on this one: take a 'sleep vacation' weekend- plan in advance to ged rid of the kids and make no plans at all, and sit home and relax and sleep as much as you want, for the entire weekend. no cooking or cleaning or driving (freeping is OK) you will thank yourself for it.
MY SENILITY PRAYER:
God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that I’m ‘older (but refuse to grow up), here’s what I’ve discovered:
ONE - I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
TWO - I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.
THREE -Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded...
FOUR -All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.
FIVE -If all is not lost, where is it?
SIX -It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
SEVEN -Some days you’re the dog; some days you’re the hydrant.
EIGHT - I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few...
NINE -It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
TEN -Only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re in the bathroom.
ELEVEN -If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
TWELVE -When I’m finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?
THIRTEEN -It’s not hard to meet expenses... they’re everywhere.
FOURTEEN -The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
FIFTEEN -These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter...
I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I’m here after.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after BlueRay? I don’t want to have to restart my collection….again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I’m way way ahead of the curve on this one. I already decided to boycott blue ray. I own zero blue ray disks and have sworn to never own a single one.
Seriously, blue ray is a scam. I’d prefer to never see another optical disk of any kind ever again. I will upgrade to whatever comes after optical disks, but I will never upgrade to a new improved optical disk.
I’ve been divorced 10 years and I have been on a quest for the whole time to figure out how. Thank you, I will give it a try.
Or ignoring the smoke if it is Dem smoke.
Oh, I routinely spend an entire day in my pajamas. They’re flannel. They have little green shamrocks on them.
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
YES! Unfortunatly reading it is now a problem.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
Espcially when it says the person “died at home”.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after BlueRay? I don’t want to have to restart my collection….again.
No body touches my 8 tracks!
14. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.
Mad Dog 20/20 works faster!
17. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?
“Yes dear” also works.
20. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone and Pinning the tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
That is why you set the alarm clock clear across the room. You must get up to shut it off, then go back to bed.
21. The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was use in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. Ladies…. Quit Laughing.
But I thought my brains were in the cup! That is, till I got old enough to “make an ass of myself”.
1) You Stand on your Own Feet
2) You Walk on your Own Path
3) You Do What has to be Done
No One Said you had to Like It
You turn the sheet inside out, and with the first fold, you tuck the corners in your left hand inside the corners in your right. Then just hold onto where it sticks up.
Missed one!
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
You take a pocket knife and slit the corners so it folds flat.
I’ve got another one: nap whenever possible and don’t feel guilty about it.
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