Posted on 11/04/2011 5:30:37 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled and asks, "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"
The woman replies, "Its Keith, the midget."
Q. What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
A. The position of the dirt bag.
Q. What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
A. Doughnuts.
Q. What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?
A. 100 people who don't do dick.
Q. What do attorneys use for birth control?
A. Their personalities.
Q. What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
A. 45 lbs.
Q. How do you teach a blond math?
A. Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, and square root her.
Q. What did the pedophile say when he got out of jail?
A. I feel like a kid again!
Q. What's the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before he leaves the factory?
A. Two test tickles
Q. Why did God create alcohol?
A. So ugly people would have a chance to have sex.
Q. What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
A. Sexual harassment.
Q. What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
A. $3.99 a minute.
Q. What's the speed limit of sex?
A. 68 because at 69 you have to turn around.
Q. What is the difference between great literature and pornography?
A. Literature is frequently dusty but rarely dirty.
Q. Why does a squirrel swim on its back?
A. To keep its nuts dry.
Q. What did one tit say to the other?
A. I hope we get support soon or people will think we're nuts.
Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A. When the kids are in college.
Q. Why do midgets laugh when they run?
A. Because the grass tickles their balls!
Teacher turns to her class and says "Today class, we are going to pick out some BIG words and use them in a sentence. Jenny would you like to go first?"
"Yes Ma'am. Hypocrite. That boy was a hypocrite. He said it was not OK to go outside and play. Then he went out to play"
"Very Good Jenny!"
Little Johnny jumps up in the back of the room waving his hands. "Yes Johnny" "I have a big one!" He exclaimed.
Sighing the teacher holds her hands together and prays silently, "Go ahead Johnny" she says.
"Harassment! " says Little Johnny, "Her mouth said NO, but harassment yes!"
Excellent!
About 50 people attended the funeral for Don Unsworth, a northwest Georgia businessman, father, grandfather and husband.
Described by family as lively, humorous and politically conservative, Mr. Unsworth’s newspaper obituary reflected all those qualities with the following request:
“In lieu of flowers the family respectfully asks that donations be sent to the American Cancer Society, or to the campaign of anybody who is running against President Barack Obama in 2012.”
Who’s the last guy?
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.