Posted on 08/29/2011 7:18:08 AM PDT by Jewbacca
Last night, my wife, who is normally a lovely American-born Jewish girl, made me go to dinner with her judgmental, annoying, hyper-orthodox, cousin.
They dissapprove of my Israeli sharp toungue, IAF-inspired language, and occasional lapses in what they consider proper bearing and behavior of Jewish people.
Think: the "Church Lady" from SNL, but Jewish.
Anyway, they made my bride nervous. They make me nervous. I showed up in a seperate car because I had to work Sunday.
Well, my wife is on pins and needles, jumpy and worrisome because, well, they're mean to her, dissaprove of me, disapprove of our daughters, and dissaprove of pretty much everything.
Dinner was, suprisingly, OK. I killed a lovely bottle of kosher meritage over a 4 hour period, remained quiet, cussed only occasionaly (and in Yiddish, and when talking about Obama, which was OK). And, as everyone knows, if you can't say something nice about someone, say it in Yiddish.
After dinner, the in-laws's car would not start, which was discovered after I left with the kids and my wife was about to leave, necessitating "jump," which further discombobulated my wife.
(The in-laws car would not start because, well, they are idiots and left everything electronic on in their car and have a 6 year old battery in said car.)
After the jump was performed, I left with the kids.
Mrs. Jewbacca left at more-or-less the same time, and, because the SUV was parked funny to perform the jump, promptly backed into a poll, doing upwards of $2,500 to the rear end of my new Lexus SUV.
She called.
I told her "no big deal. Happens." I was not remotely mad at her, even though SHE WRECKED MY CAR.
As I was driving home, Jewbacca, Jr., asked me why Mrs. Jewbacca was acting so funny. I told Jr. (very gently)that said inlaws make Mama a little crazy and nervous.
Well, this was repeated by Jr. to mama later when we got home, probably in response to leading and angry questions, designed to get a response to have something to fight about.
And, suddenly, I am told I am a bad father who belittles my wife, and a complete Israeli putz with no manners.
Again, SHE WRECKED MY NEW CAR. And I was cool about it. And yet somehow, this was all my fault.
I should have married that crazy Lebanese chick with large tracts of land. ;-)
My parents always told me I should learn a second language.
The bigger the cushion, the better the pushin’......
If you can't say something good about someone, sit right here by me -- Alice Roosevelt Longworth
I’m glad Chrisianity isn’t the only religion full of ass-clowns.
[ And, as everyone knows, if you can’t say something nice about someone, say it in Yiddish. ]
I would love to hear some of the Yiddish words used to describe Obama.
I wish your wife could be married to my ex for a month. She’d treat you like a prince for the rest of your natural days.
My Granny put me off Jewish women years ago.
“What is a Jewish women's idea of a perfect home?”
“No kitchen or bedroom.”
What's her name?
You screwed up. Not only did she have to put up with her relatives all night, worry about you causing a scene, stay longer than she planned and get in a car wreck, but Daddy just told Jr. that Mama can't handle it.
Doesn't matter how gently you said it or how angry you were about the car. She feels like the person who should be her biggest supporter just ditched her when things got tough.
P.S. It's not because she's Jewish American, it's because she's a woman. The same rules apply to my Midwestern Protestant wife. Apologize. She'll win one way or another - better for you to end it quickly.
Nothing could be as bad as being married and having to wake up to this every morning. Nothing! Consider yourself blessed multiple times over!
Or this...... Wasn't Helen Lebanese?
Oy vey!
Not just large... but HUUUUGE! LOL
[ Treat the wife like a cannon with a lit fuse. Its gonna blow, and when it blows - you always want the cannon pointing in a different direction than the direction you happen to be sitting in. ]
A good friend of mine has a saying when I am agrivated which totally makes me laugh when she says it to me:
“Who lit the fuse on your tampon?”
Though I wouldn’t recommend saying it to anyone’s wife if they don;t have a sense of humour like i do.
You are the fault of everything, including any bone-head actions that the wife does, didn’t you know that? That’s nothing uniquely Jewish. It spans all nationalities and ethnicities. (I’m going into my bunker now before honey finds out I said this.) ;-)
I’m single and living on a sailboat, so when people treat me like crap I sail forty or fifty miles, drop anchor and meet new people ;) not sure if that helps!
“I would love to hear some of the Yiddish words used to describe Obama.”
Grace,
The web does not have enough bandwidth.
If a man is alone in the woods, and his wife isn’t around to hear him, is he still wrong?
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