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Posted on 06/30/2011 10:09:07 PM PDT by JustAmy
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$4000 Hearing
An elderly man inquired of his wife about a recent, large expense.
“Well yes I bought this new hearing aid, dear.” his wife replied.
“How much did it cost, dear?,” he asked.
“Four thousand dollars,” she said.
“Four thousand dollars! Why would you have to pay so much for a hearing aid?”, he exclaimed.
“It’s a wonderful hearing aid. Why I can hear everything around me. I can make out everything that people are saying around me even from the other side of the room.”
“Really? What kind is it?”
“It’s five-thirty,” she said checking her watch. “Why?”
I sure missed every one yesterday.
House for sale
492-514884
4721 MARSHALL ST
FOREST HILL, TX 76119
$29,500
Listing Date: 07/13/2011
Details
Description/Features
Beds: 3 Baths: 1.5 Family Room:
Kitchen: 1 Dining Room: Living Room: 1
Den: Units: 1 Parking Structure: Attached Garage
Year Built: 1962 HOA Fees: HOA Frequency:
100-Year Floodplain: No 203K Eligible: Yes
Three bedroom home in Forest Hill is ready for your remodel. Loads of potential in this home is awaiting just the right new owner. Come see today. 953 square feet-information is from the FHA Appraisal and is deemed reliable but not guaranteed.
FHA Financing Insurability
Insured With Escrow
Fort Worth ISD
MAPSCO: 093N
Disclaimer
This information is believed to be accurate, but is not guaranteed.
An Addiction
Connie told her 4-year-old grandson, Dean, not to jump on the beds. After several warnings she punished him, explaining that should he fall, he would hurt himself badly.
Several minutes passed... and he was back to jumping on the beds. Connie said, “Dean, you weren’t jumping on the beds again, were you?”
He stood with his little head dropped low and said, “I’m trying, but it’s so hard to quit.”
Knowing Your Terms
TRAFFIC LIGHT — apparatus that automatically turns red when your car approaches.
DIVORCE — postgraduate in School of Love.
PIONEER — early American who was lucky enough to find his way out of the woods.
PEOPLE — some make things happen, some watch things happen, and the majority has no idea what’s happened.
SWIMMING POOL — a mob of people with water in it.
SELF-CONTROL — the ability to eat only one peanut.
SALESMAN — man with ability to convince wife she’d look fat in mink.
CANNIBAL — person who likes to see other people stewed.
EGOCENTRIC — a person who believes he is everything you know you are.
Terms to Know
FOREIGN FILM — any movie shown in Texas theater that isn’t a western.
OPTIMIST — girl who regards a bulge as a curve.
MAGAZINE — bunch of printed pages that tell you what’s coming in the next issue.
COLLEGE — The four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone.
EMERGENCY NUMBERS — Police station, fire department and places that deliver.
OPERA — When a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding he sings.
BUFFET — A French word that means “Get up and get it yourself.”
BABY-SITTER — A teen-ager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are out can behave like teen-agers.
TATTOO — Permanent proof of temporary insanity
“The other day I nearly succumbed to a bout of narcissism: seriously, I just don’t know what’s come over me, me, me, me.”
“A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.”
“Barbecuing: Manly Cooking”
Barbecuing - It’s the only type of cooking a “real” man will do.
When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion:
(1) The woman goes to the store.
(2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, drinking a beer.
(4) The man places the meat on the grill.
(5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.
(7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.
(8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
(10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed “her night off.”
And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women.
“Barbecuing: Manly Cooking”
Barbecuing - It’s the only type of cooking a “real” man will do.
When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion:
(1) The woman goes to the store.
(2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, drinking a beer.
(4) The man places the meat on the grill.
(5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.
(7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.
(8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
(10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed “her night off.”
And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women.
“Whatever you are, be a good one.”
Abraham Lincoln
Three Legged Chicken
A man was driving along a rural road one day when he saw a three legged chicken. He was amused enough to drive along side it for a while, as he was driving he noticed the chicken was running 30 mph.
Pretty fast chicken, he thought, I wonder just how fast it can run. So he sped up and the chicken did too! They were now moving along the road at 45 mph! The man in the car sped up again, to his surprise the chicken was still running ahead of him at 60 mph!!!
Suddenly the chicken turned off the road and ran down a long driveway leading to a farmhouse. The man followed the chicken to the house and saw a man in the yard and dozens of three legged chickens. The man in the car called out to the farmer “How did you get all these three legged chickens?”
The farmer replied, “I breed ‘em. Ya see it’s me, my wife and my son living here and we all like to eat the chicken leg. Since a chicken only has two legs, I started breeding this three legged variety so we could all eat our favorite piece.”
“That’s amazing!” said the driver “How do they taste?”
“Don’t rightly know, can’t catch ‘em.”
Oh my, you just described my summer cooking!
I would do the grilling too but my husband didn’t appreciate it when I set the side of the house on fire. He never explained that 1)do not set the grill on high and leave it 2)pay attention to the dog when she’s freaking out.
“Bag of Chickens”
Two goobers meet on a dusty country road. One of them is carrying a big bag labeled, “chickens.”
“Chickens, eh?” says one guy. “Hey, if I guess how many chickens you got, will you give me one?”
“Heck,” says the guy with the bag, “iffin you guess right, I’ll give you both of ‘em.”
The other scratches his head and guesses, “Um... five?”
Not any more!
((((HUGS))))
As I am sure everyone missed YOU yesterday, Dubya!
Clark Retirement Community - Lip Dub - Buble's "It's a New Day"
(I loved the prune juice being served in wine glasses, the package of Depends the lady grabbed,
the syncronized swimmers and the old couple caught necking in the storage room! LOL!)
;-)
I want a pendant like that, JC!
I had roofers here a few months back, and the noise kept me on ‘edge’ all day long! Have a great Friday!
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