Posted on 03/20/2011 7:03:47 PM PDT by TheDingoAteMyBaby
Is being a Protestant single pastor like being a married Catholic priest? Is it an oxymoron?
I never would have thought so until the economic crisis hit, and I had to find a new pastoral position. For the first time in my career my future was in the hands of a search committee, rather than a personal connection.
I’m ordained, 37, single (never married), with experience pastoring in large churches. Given my credentials, I had zero anxiety initially. Then I started reading “job requirement” phrases like these in pastoral job applications:
-“We are looking for a married man” -“Preferably married” -“Is married (preferably with children)”
These churches explicitly were not looking to hire someone single--like Jesus or Paul. I then was surprised to discover that even though the majority of adult Americans are single (52 percent), that only 2 percent of senior pastors in my denomination are single! Something was clearly amiss.
Why were so many churches “requiring” a pastor to be married? Jesus wasn’t. Paul wasn’t. Almost all pastors were single until the time of the Reformation. Is it wise to “require” that our Evangelical pastors be married? Is it biblical?
Some Perspective from Church History
For the first 1,500 years of church history singleness, not marriage, was lauded as next to godliness. Let me say that again—for the first fifteen hundred years.
St. Jerome’s 4th century holiness codes (which were widely embraced), taught that celibate singleness was 100 percent holy, widowhood 60 percent, and marriage a paltry 30 percent. One reason for this pervasive way of thinking was an overly physiological interpretation of Psalm 51:5. “In sin my mother conceived me” was taken to mean that the act of having sex was sinful because it passed on the sin nature.
Thus married couples who kept having sex were considered only 30 percent holy. Widows were no longer having sex so they moved up the perceived holiness ladder to 60 percent. Celibate singles never had sex. Ergo, in the Christian culture of the Middle Ages, singles were the moral high class of society.
Sound ridiculous? It was. It still is. It made an idol out of singleness.
One of the biggest scandals of the Reformation was Martin Luther preaching that it was okay to renounce your vow of celibacy. Against Jerome and the church fathers, whom he criticized as “never having written anything good about marriage,” he had the audacity to preach that marriage was a good thing. Then the former monk did the most “unholy” thing imaginable: he got married. It’s quite possible that no one in the history of the church has done more to elevate the status of marriage than Luther.
The Middle Ages undervalued marriage and over emphasized singleness. Today Evangelicals do just the opposite: we undervalue singleness and over emphasize marriage. History reveals that it’s hard for us Christians to think of marriage and singleness as equally good. But scripture beckons us to do just that.
Singleness is “Good”
Paul opens his chapter on singleness and marriage by saying, “It is good for a man not to marry” (1 Corinthians 7:1). It’s good? Have you ever heard singleness taught as “good” from the pulpit? Paul would be happy if “all men” (vs. 7) were single, celibate, and serving Christ undivided by the concerns of a spouse and children. “Now to the unmarried and widows I say: it is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do” (vs. 8). Are you crazy Paul? Do you really think someone can stay unmarried and be an effective senior pastor? You seem just a bit out of touch with our Evangelical culture.
Paul wasn’t crazy. There is nothing more holy, righteous, or godly about marriage than there is about singleness. Nothing. They are both equally good before God. That’s Paul’s message in 1 Corinthians 7. If you’re married, that’s wonderful. If you’re single, that’s wonderful too. You can effectively pastor the church single or married.
We need to move from a church culture that says “Many of my best friends are single” to one that can say “Many of our best pastors are single.” I don’t want to lose heart; I want to believe that it’s possible for 650 million Evangelicals to finally embrace the equal dignity the Scriptures bestow upon both singleness and marriage.
The bottom line is that it is not about being single or married. It’s about being called and gifted by the Spirit to minister to people both like and unlike us (race, gender, marital status, etc). I plead with search committees everywhere to reflect on the implications of 1 Corinthians 7 before overlooking your next single pastoral candidate. They deserve to be evaluated on their excellence, not their marital status.
—Mark Almlie is an ordained pastor in the Evangelical Covenant Church.
yes, queers are not leaders nor truly christians...until they repent.
That sounds pretty much like what happened at our church. The two met and it was like it had been preordained. They appear to be very happy with three happy children and he is a pastor on the rise.
He very well may one day be president of the SBC.
“A lot of the married men may feel uncomfortable with their wives meeting a single man.”
That could be avoided by having a female staff member present when the pastor counsels women, or only having women counseling other women.
There are Biblically sound churches with successful singles ministries of long standing. Off the top of my head, the Vineyard Church. They may or may not be your theological cup of tea, they lean somewhat Pentecostal. But, they’re out there. Give it a look. No need to soldier on without fellowship because you’re single.
Thanks. I read Christian books and other material all the time but I also know I need to find a church.
I haven’t been in a long time. I used to go regularly. If someone were to invite me, I’d likely go. People used to invite all the time but that doesn’t seem to be the case much anymore. People run half way around the world to preach the gospel but don’t seem to do it so much in their own communities. Maybe it’s just me.
I know I should attend. Hopefully I’ll find a good church home in the not too distant future.
Uh, no. If a man is single (unless he's widowed, which is a different matter altogether), then he shouldn't have children. The qualifications in I Timothy 3 say what you have to be to even be a pastor or deacon. Sorry, but that seems pretty obvious when you read the Scripture simply for what it is, rather than what you want it to be.
if they did, then Paul himself, as well as many others could NOT have been leaders in the early church.
Paul was an apostle - that's another matter entirely, and doesn't bear on the qualification for someone who is a non-apostolic bishop. Further, you're argument is one in which we should ignore what Scripture actually says, and judge doctrine and practice on the basis of what some people somewhere have done or do. Frankly, it doesn't really matter what "the early church" did. They were just as prone to being wrong when they departed from Scripture as people are today.
Great point.
That could be avoided by having a female staff member present when the pastor counsels women, or only having women counseling other women.
Very true.
As I mentioned, a single pastor would be fine with me. I am a single man and I believe they would be less judgemental of someone like me.
“It seems to me everyone is hung up on something but Jesus was the only one ‘Hung Up’ on a cross.”
Oh, I like that! I’m stealing it. That’s most likely a sin, but I’ll risk it, LOL! :)
Give one of these a try, I assume you’re in Alabama from your state flag.
http://www.singlesoffaith.com/christian-singles-alabama-groups.htm
Consider it an invitation, lol
Why are you ‘looking for a job’?
You are experienced; you are ordained.
If you feed them, the flock will come.
Or is pastoring now ‘just a job’?
Jesus was a carpenter, so I can imagine his advice would be (assuming you do have a call from the Lord), “if you can’t find a pulpit to fill, BUILD one! I will supply the wood and nails; you supply the labor.”
Go ahead Di you don’t even have to give me credit. :>)
“Peter was married but they don’t allow their priest to be married.”
Catholics, Orthodox and Oriental Orthodox never have allowed priests to marry, but according to their sundry disciplines allow married men to become priests, just like Peter. There are many married men in the non-latin rites of the Catholic Church, and some exeptions in the latin rite, the Anglican clergy who become Catholic clergy being one example.
Freegards
Thanks.
Baptist “husband of one wife” ping!!!
I’m not the author of this post; I just think it’s an interesting issue for discussion.
“Almost all pastors were single until the time of the Reformation”
From which Divinity School did you get your degree?
Until the Reformation, there were no Protestants, Evangelical or otherwise.
Until the Reformation, there were no Pastors, only Priests.
Sorry but I disagree. God didn't give each of us what you consider a "family." Should a person be any less of a disciple of Christ because they don't have what you consider a family?
Having your house in order could mean having your "heart" in order. It could mean paying attention to the plank in your own eye instead of the speck in someone else's eye.
Many believe John was single. I cannot prove that and it's not worth the time trying to prove it.
Personally, I don't believe Christ to be as legalistic as you.
As a married man with children I would never join a church where the pastor is determined never to marry.
I most likely we not join a church where the pastor was not yet married.
If my wife and I want counseling regarding any issue concerning our home, we want it from a pastor who has family; the experience of family.
Is the pastor the only person who can council people? In a very large church, there are often counseling ministries designated for that purpose.
A single pastor in his 30's, assuming he's a heterosexual male who just hasn't found the right partner yet, would still be a wild card in a typical Protestant congregation filled with married women not all of whom may be entirely happy in their marriages, and the usual corps of high school age daughters still attending church as they haven't yet gone off to college.
The men in the congregation, including the ones serving on the governing board whose wives really run the place, are the fathers and husbands who might well prefer an attached and (figuratively) neutered pastor over one who might turn out to be a rooster in the hen house. Hence the safe choice, irrespective of any suspicions about sexual orientation, would be a married man.
Plus, the pastor's wife is usually expected to help provide the social glue that binds the pastor to his congregation. It's sort of hiring a team. One single man, without a supporting partner, may not be able to perform all the various duties expected of a full time minister as well as one with.
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