Posted on 03/15/2011 9:44:34 AM PDT by MissTed
Parents across the metro area, in different school districts, have similar stories to tell when it comes to the way their children were treated after reporting they were bullied.
“The other kid jumped in and had the boxcutter up and threatened to stab her over and over again,” Tina Williams said. “And he said, ‘I wouldn't stab a girl, but I'd stab a b**** and I'm looking at one right now,’ when he looked at my daughter.”
“At lunch I am kind of afraid that they are going to threaten me again,” said Williams' daughter, Kayla.
“She's heard jackass, b****, moron, loser and they put the "L" sign on their forehead and call her a loser, pulling her hair, spitting in her hair,” said Naomi Armenta describing how her 7-year-old was bullied.
The Williams and the Armentas are two families with children at two schools on opposite sides of the metro area, but their stories are equally concerning.
They are young girls, one 12 and one just 7 years old, repeatedly bullied.
Parents Say School Tells Daughters To Change Behavior
Their parents are all frustrated it is their daughters who have been told to change their behavior.
"She was told that she needed to keep her distance so basically the school told her that she needed to wait on one side of the hall and let them go through and stay away from them," said Williams.
“My daughter went to the bathroom and one of the bullies was in there and took a pencil, the metal end, and scraped her chin, cut her chin. The administrators were questioning whether or not my daughter had permission, first of all, to even be in the bathroom. Then, second of all, they questioned my daughter as to why she stayed there if a known bully was in the bathroom already,” said Armenta.
Blame the victim, avoid the bully.
It is something author and bullying prevention expert Dr. Ben Leichtling has heard from parents and seen first hand over and over again, in schools across the nation.
“What we need are laws that not only define bullying, that not only require schools to have policies and programs about bullying, but have consequences for principals and administrators who do not take action. That's what’s going to change the problem. We want teeth in a program that will enable us to easily protect the majority by removing the few that need to be removed,” Leichtling said.
Legislators Introduce Bullying Bill
Colorado legislators took a step in that direction last week, introducing a new bill that will broaden the definition of bullying to include written and verbal assaults, require schools to report bulling in greater detail and recommend schools survey their students every two years.
“School should be a safe place where kids can go and excel and learn to do reading, writing and math and not have to worry about fear of intimidation,” said District 30 House Representative Kevin Priola.
“Most importantly, there is research showing that when there is a high level of safety, the CSAP scores go up. Conversely, low safety, CSAP scores go down. This bill is going to raise the awareness of our school boards and our administrators that this has become a serious problem and our bill asks or encourages every school dist to do a climate survey. What's the cost? Who has time to do that? But, it’s critical. If you're going to have a safe environment, you probably want to know if your climate is safe according to your students,” said Wheatridge Rep. Sue Schafer.
The bill is being considered by the Senate.
These families believe their districts already have clear policies to protect their kids.
“Do you feel like the policies are being followed?” asked Call7 Investigator Theresa Marchetta.
“They're not,” Williams said, “They’re not even following their own handbook, let alone the bullying policies.”
“I think we are putting ourselves out on a limb for all the kids out there that are facing this same issue,” said Armenta.
Until vouchers are implemented,
every responsible parent should pull their kids out of the government schools and leave them to the animals.
Aha! That was always my tactic. Destroy the enemy by making him a friend. It never failed with all four of my kids.
I’m an adult now, in my mid-thirties. But I also grew up with deformities. The type of torment I recieved from bullies went far beyond the usual expectations, and because of the intensity of the attacks I have held onto lessons learned when I was very young.
So I’m about to type something, and I want everyone to know that I’m not harboring anger, nor am I “Stuck in the past”. If anything I say is “Stuck in the Past” it is because I hold onto these lessons as part of how I was born - and who I have become.
All kids need to learn self defense. They all need to be able to handle a physical assault. This assault should be from both those in and out of their age and size ranges. A child should know how to find a large, devastating object and use it in both defensive and lethal ways.
They should be taught to fight in a measured style. So that using say, a sharpened pike won’t be used when someone cuts in front of them in a line. This type of judgement and training comes from self-discipline, level headed thought and clear views of the outcome of their actions. These thoughts all come from a high level of confidence. Confidence that they can take someone say, twice their size (a 7 year old vs 12 year old) without pulling out a sharpened pike and killing them.
It is important because bullied kids without these skills will sneak a kitchen knife into their schools and there will be a body count. Kids don’t understand measured and proportionate response without the guidance of parents and mentors.
I was a weakling. I was small for my age, mostly crippled and deformed. I was lowest on the totem and the target of all grades of bullying. Sexual, physical, verbal, and emotional. I had to learn these things myself.
Finally, I put down the biggest kid in my highschool when he approached me. I hospitalized 3 peers that day. Much larger guys. The taunting stopped.
I didn’t initiate the fight, I didn’t try to prove myself, I kept a checklist in my mind of reasons to explode, and methods to use against peers of their size. Everything fell together and I executed. From that point on, my life improved vastly.
It was unfortunate that it took so long - had I realised my own voice and capabilities, I would have acted much earlier. After this point my grades improved, I even dated the MOST popular girls at my school. My life could continue to develop without fear of dying at a young age.
My case is extreme, and my methods won’t work for everyone. But I do want people to know that it can get very serious, and the ONLY common solution that can be found is to increase the awareness in your own kids. Teach them right from wrong, and how to execute.
Similar backgrounds :) I grew up in Brooklyn. We were basically on our own when it came to the bullies. If you didn’t stick up for yourself you were basically conceding you did something to deserve it. But, as you say, the most blatant of it took place off school grounds.
I agree with you about the zero tolerance that should be taken if it occurs on school grounds, but even that is limited, especially if a person in authority does witness the incident, which is most often the case. The victim tends to wind up with the same punishment as the offender.
My son was bullied as a kindergardener while waiting in line in the cafeteria. I called the head of security and his answer was, “Well, what was your son doing in the cafeteria.” I pulled him and his sister out and homeschooled then through high school.
(Chest puffing out in pride) He fought all four of them off
He still got suspended.
For "fighting"
When the principal asked what punishment we as parents were also going to give him, I told her...
"He gets to go to the zoo, museum, sleep in, and treat it as a vacation."
She didn't feel that was "constructive" for his behavior.
That's when I told her the family rule: "Never start the fight, but always finish it. Don't throw the first punch, but be sure to throw the last one"
She never spoke to us again - she was a first year principal, and only lasted two at that school....
Change behavior...hmmm - how ‘bout giving the victim permission to go nuts on the bully’s ass? If I’m the dad, I’m giving my kid permission to fight as hard as he or she needs to to get the point across. Kick, bite, scratch, pull, gouge - just like I’ve taught my girls if they ever find themselves being attacked on a date or by a stranger. And scream, and keep screaming.
Colonel, USAFR
“Jack was never attacked again and the teachers thought that I was a barbarian.”
So, a win-win, then - hooah!
Colonel, USAFR
That approach is good, but doesn't always work.
With certain ethnicities, if one-on-one bullying doesn't work, they will pile one 20-against-1. That's why gangs form.
It makes sense that the schools would avoid bullying a situation with bullying students. Chances are, the bullies’ parents are also bullies and would make a living hell for the administrators if challenged. Easier to not get involved.
Two words: Home school.
Isn't it sick how we expect our kids to endure things at public school we wouldn't want to tolerate for one minute. I went to schools like those described, and endured bullying for years.
My parents (typical libs) always told us to be nice, don't fight, and the teachers never did anything either. I was in High school before I got so fed up I started to fight back.
I made it through, no thanks to any of them ( my parents or teachers) and needless to say, we homeschooled our kids.
vouchers are definitely the answer. my kids have all gone through private schools and there is no way on God’s green earth that this kind of stuff would be permitted there. bad actors get tossed or tuition dollars disappear.
“Next time I saw them, one of them asked me to dance at a school function.”
I hope you’re a girl. Otherwise you may have kicked his butt a little too much. :)
That’s true. We’re in a fairly rural setting so we don’t have to deal with that.
High school should be interesting. It’s a regional high school for kids in five towns.
The consensus seems to be that confronting the bullies is the answer. What do the children whose parents WON’T back them up do? What about little Johnny that finally gets fed up with the bullies, takes on the group, gets beat up, goes home and his parents punish him? Or, ignore the whole thing?
If we, as a society, are going to require children to spend their time around people who hate them and wish them harm, shouldn’t we have an option beyond stick up for yourself and hope all goes well?
Bathrooms in my highschool were full of people smoking and taking drugs. Being able to go eight hours without using the bathroom is useful on long car trips.
“Destroy the enemy by making him a friend.”
That’s not what I got out of that. It was more of an “I know exactly who you are and what you’ve done” approach without saying or doing anything overtly threatening.
If you were being sarcastic, please disregard.
After reading many posts. It brought some things to mind when I was growing up. Like then and now it seems those in charge a lot of times support the bully.
I have a 12 year old and he remarked to me that a person defending themselves would get into bigger trouble at school. I told him that he had a right to defend himself. I also told him not to start cr@p either. I told him it would be better to get in trouble at school defending himself versus not defending himself which will entice other kids to pick on him as well. He also takes karate.
In my own upbringing during middle school, that was a very challenging time for me. I mention a couple of instances. One time, there were hot air balloons in the neighborhood so I rode my bike over. I happen to cross paths with one of them and got some threats from him. I was going to proceed to defend myself and his father came up and grabbed me and threatened to kick my @$$. He ordered me to leave and I started to cuss him out and then his father went into a tirade such that, “you know who I am, how dare you...” and then threatened to have me arrested ! He was some bigwig someplace. He then went to a police officer and the officer demanded I leave. Really p!$$ed me off ! I was not even permitted to give my side and the officer remarked that very important people such as adults are entitled to respect !
Another instance in school, I was on the gym teacher s*** list and he was friends with a couple of the bullies. Funny thing about him, even after I left the school, every time I was out and about I got nasty looks from him. He was a real jerk and the ironic thing today, he is a commissioner with a High School Athletic Association, not going to mention the state though. Funny thing, his wife at the time got so p!$$ed at me when I was saying it was great when Reagan got elected President in 1980. She was a Jimmy Carter fan and had stuff in her classroom concerning Carter.
If you hadn’t witnessed it, how would you determine who to suspend? Would you do it just on the word of a classmate?
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