Happy Friday kitteh! Of course, every day is Friday when one is unemployed, but not every day is also Trash Day.
Thank you all very much for your friendship and encouragement. Every one of you is a gift from the Lord.
Posted on 02/26/2011 1:38:34 PM PST by Squawk 8888
I’m not the wiener peeler, I’m the wiener peeler’s son, And I’m only peeling wieners, ‘Til the wiener peeler comes.
I apologize to pheasant pluckers’ sons everywhere for stealing their tongue-twister.
But who can resist when my Internet fairy, Irene, drops this job ad on my desk? “Get out your resume,” she purrs.
I pause in processing Moonlight Lady submissions, and take a boo.
“Full-time Wiener Peeler,” says the ad.
Wazzat? I ask. A red-hot stripper?
“No. As in weenie. It’s got you written all over it, ” says Irene, and she flutters off.
Well, I’m getting sick of grinding out daily columns like hamburger. So I read on.
“Opportunity. Excitement. Teamwork. Respect.
“At Maple Leaf Foods we are committed to attracting, rewarding and retaining talented people who are passionate about making a positive impact in their professional and personal lives every day.”
A noble mission. What better way to pursue it than as a bona fide full-time professional wiener peeler. The opening is at Maple Leafs’ hotdog plant in Hamilton.
Imagine the awe when you tell fellow partiers your occupation.
Picture the lineup of schools recruiting for career days.
The teachers may giggle, but the kids will scream for free samples.
You’re on Price Is Right and Drew Carey says, “What d’ya do for a living up in Canada, Mikey?”
I peel wieners, Drew.
“Good for you. Wiener peeler. Hmmm. reminds me, folks, get your pets spayed or neutered.”
Anyway, I check around and find yet another job opening at Maple Leaf. Wiener stuffer. Hit it ...
I’m not the wiener stuffer
I’m the wiener stuffer’s son
I’m only stuffing ...
(Ed. note: Stop that, you hotdogger, or we’ll make you pose for a picture like Gilles Duceppe in the silly hairnet.)
NO! Not that! I’ll do anything, boss.
The photo of Duceppe in a cheese factory was a body blow to the Bloc. He looked like a weenie. Un chien chaud. Un hotdog.
I wonder. How do wiener peelers and stuffers look? All dressed?
I call Linda Smith at Maple Leaf Foods and ask: What company wit came up with those job titles?
“They’re in the union contract,” she says. “They’re really a kind of food-processing operator.”
So machines do the actual stuffing and peeling. Thank God. I can’t imagine sitting there all day, fingers numb, going, “hundred thousand and one weenies, hundred thousand and two weenies, hundred thousand and ...”
The wiener stuffer fills the tubular collagen casings with hot dog sludge. Since you asked, the ooze typically comprises mechanically separated chicken, pork, beef, water, wheat gluten, salt, sodium phosphate, spice, dextrose, corn syrup solids, sodium erythorbate, garlic powder, onion powder, sodium nitrite and smoke.
If you need to ask what mechanically separated chicken is, don’t.
Or go eat a veggie burger.
Once the dogs have been divided and smoked and solidified, the wiener peeler removes the casings.
The stuffer and peeler look like hazmat officials or Apollo astronauts.
They wear blue rubber and plastic head to toe, with hairnet, hardhats and mask. Plus earmuffs. Yes. All those dogs barking.
The hirings, says Smith, are to gear up for summer, when 60% of wieners are sold.
What a great job, eh?
I assume you get to take home any bent, twisted or otherwise defective wieners.
And you’d be in the pantheon of careers with chicken sexer, pet food tester, bounty hunter, odor reader, fortune cookie writer, golf ball diver and newspaper hack.
Plus, you’re wrapped in a soft, warm union. The Brotherhood of Bun Fillers (BBF), or whatever it’s called.
I can picture the negotiations:
“We want a raise, a longer lunch, three weeks holiday, dental coverage and pension improvements.
“But hold the mustard.”
And we’re not in the frozen North, which helps.
"If any of my gears or circuits would be of benefit, I'll happily donate them."
I’m excited for you both!!
October isn’t that far away...of course, I was a military wife for 30 years, so I had to adjust my thinking somewhat: “Woo-Hoo! Two months have already passed! Only five more to go!” Or words to that effect.
My friend just recently emailed me the ultra sound of her baby (due in May) and I was excited for them! It was awesome! Back in the day, we had to wait for birth to find out the sex....
I see you wisely avoided the Bunnification Process comment.
All kinds of moral dilemmas there upon finding one’s own self has been turned into a bunny.
I’m sorry to hear of the layoff and the, uh, “family online security violation.”
when it gets too thick remember this: even Stephen didn’t get more than he could handle (ref. Acts 6:8 - 8:2).
This is good news!
Not... Good... News!
Yah. Happened to me in '94, except the whole company went away (all 6 of us). A few months later I landed this job, far better than anything I could have expected.
October. When our first grandchild is due.
I have GOT to figure out if I can fit Gorm Mor into the garage! Parked him in front of the garage tonight because high winds are knocking branches off trees, and I didn't particularly like the way some of the high trees were waving on my way home.
They lurve you, and they want to hold you and squeeze you.
"High trees?" I have said, I get high on oxygen, but I don't think they can make that claim.
Just a reminder of were I was last night. Please don’t eat the crumbs.
Oh. Well, that’s..not..good? I guess if any help is needed you should let me know. I’ll be underway all summer, so there won’t be anywhere to spend money.
I’ll pay for part of the vacation, at least, in the interest of people going to the beach and not being stuck in Charlotte all year. I may or may not end up going, but still..
We can’t go on vacation unless he has another job lined up, or already started and some time off available. We’ll just have to see. Who knows, by the beginning of September, we might be in the middle of a move! We’ll let you know *whatever* happens.
You save your money for your own future!
Happy Friday kitteh! Of course, every day is Friday when one is unemployed, but not every day is also Trash Day.
Thank you all very much for your friendship and encouragement. Every one of you is a gift from the Lord.
Bunnehs are your frenz. ;o]
When Igor retired, he would tell people, “I’ve got nothing to do, and all day to do it in, and when I get tired of it, I lie down and take a nap.”
It was accurate.
Heavenly Father never gives us more than we can bear, and He gives us the strength and tools to deal with it. Some of us don’t know that, or don’t remember it in times of stress. You WILL get through this!
Absolutely! And good morning again. Now I have to get off this computer so DP can find his resume. And there’s more laundry to sort ... Frank will give me a Help!
I’ve found most of what I need but I have to find a new and exciting way to get to it. Or something. I have to do some geeking and I’m not sure I understand all I know about the procedure.
The laundry has been calling to me for most of the week, but I’ve been a little side-tracked. :o|
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