Dave Says - January 3, 2011 (Dave Ramsey)

Dave Ramsey Web Site ^ | January 3, 2011 | Dave Ramsey

[CSM]

Dishonesty is not the best policy

Dear Dave,

I don’t hide debt from my spouse, but I do hide money from her. I’ve been squirreling away money for emergencies without her knowledge. She’s not terrible with money, but she always finds something to spend it on. We were never able to save anything before I started doing this. After hearing you talk about “financial infidelity,” I began to worry about her reaction when she finds out I’ve been doing this. What’s your advice?

Paul

Dear Paul,

I think you have every reason to worry. Not just about her reaction, but what this represents in your marriage. I believe in saving up for emergencies. I mean, I’m Mr. Emergency Fund. I talk all the time about saving up three to six months of expenses. But deception is never a positive thing in a relationship. You’ve got to man up and tell her.

I know this won’t be easy, and you have to make sure you tell her in the right way. Don’t try to blame this on her. Basically, you’ve deceived her about this, and your lying isn’t her fault. Let her know that you’re sorry for not being honest with her, but you also need to explain that the reason you hid the money was you were afraid to speak up and disagree. Ask for her forgiveness, and let her know you’re committed to never letting it happen again.

At the same time, you’ve got to grow a backbone so you can let her know when you’ve got a problem. Managing money in a marriage is a “we” thing. Decisions should always be made together. It means you each have a vote, but it also means you have to stand up and vote no if she wants to spend money on something silly when you guys haven’t taken care of business!

—Dave

Closing the account

Dear Dave,

Do you have any suggestions for closing a credit card account? I just paid off my last debt, and I want to close the account once and for all.

Krista

Dear Krista,

I’d start with a phone call. Let them know the account is paid off and you want it closed permanently. Also, ask for written confirmation that the account has been closed. If you don’t see something like this in your mailbox in a few days, you’ll need to check your credit bureau report for an update on the status of the account.

If it’s not showing the account closed at this point, you’ll probably have to call them back and jump somebody’s case. Make sure they understand that you want to see verification in writing that the account has been closed. If they’re still dragging their heels at that point, you’ll need to send them—via certified mail, return receipt requested—your demand that they permanently close the account.

But usually a phone call is all it takes. The problem with talking to them is you’ll have to listen to all their crap about how dumb you are for cutting them loose. Trust me, they’ll fuss and cry and offer you stuff to try and get you to keep the account open. Stand firm and don’t listen to them, Krista. Close the account!

—Dave

[CSM]

Honesty is the best policy ping.

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[ebersole]

Just to add a little note to the second letter...when writing to the cc company and asking for written confirmation that it has been closed...verify with them that it will be reported to the credit bureaus that the acct was closed at the request of the cc holder not the company

[camle]

my ex spent more than I could earn. when I got weekend jobs, she spent that, too. our debt was growing by 3-500/month (sounds like the govt). Since my checks were auto-deposited, she would spend the money before I could do anything.

so I opened another account. just in my name. and I had my checks deposited there. I told her what I had done, then announced that her income left her with enough to pay her long distance phone, credit cards, and car payment, with 50 dollars a month left over. she hit the roof! my check gave me enough to pay every thing else, with a surplus of 1.50/month.

that made me a greedy so and so, and eventuallt the marriage failed.

my second wife never asked about my finances, and I didn’t ask about hers. she paid the house expenses, cable TV, fuel oil, and her credit cards, I paid the rest.ah! such sweetness! there was seldom any discussion about money, and there was no tension either.

[My hearts in London - Everett]

Is that what determines if your credit rating goes down when you close an account? The fact that it was done by the holder’s request? If you do that, should you only do it if you have available credit on other accounts so that it doesn’t look like you are maxed out on all your open accounts? My daughter is in the process of paying off her debt and is debating about closing the accounts as she pays them off. My advise to her has been to not close them because her credit is ok, but not excellent. I didn’t want her score to go down because it appears that all her available is credit is maxed.

[ebersole]

There will be a negative to her score if the credit report reads that the account was closed by the company. It isn’t a negative to the credit rating if it reads closed at holder’s request. I had to learn this lesson the hard way:) When I was younger and trying to navigate my way in the adult world, I was always taught to determine debt ratio (available credit to debt)before I decided to close out accounts. So there were times that I kept unused cc opened and times I closed them. When I applied for my first mortgage, one of the first things the bank looked at was open credit lines. They viewed too many open credit lines as a negative because of the potential of my accessing that debt. So the bank helped me determine which ones to close (lower possible debt) and which ones to keep open (helping credit score by showing accounts in good standing for a longer period of time).
I guess all of it depends on what your daughter’s short-term and long-term financial goals are and the best way for her to get there. I hope this helps:)

[My hearts in London - Everett]

Thank you for your response. :~) I’ll tell her she should get with NFCU and go over her credit report she just got with them to decide if there are any accounts she can do that with.

[sr4402]

Paul needs to Man up just as Dave said. Apologize, and do the following: Get a wooden box with two Locks and different keys - one for him and one for her. On the Top is a slot to put the money. Give one key to her.

Only when you Both unlock the box can you see what's inside and you don't agree to spend something from the box unless you both agree on it.

Ask her to help meet the goal of Dave's first BABY step, if only a dollar or a quarter to start with. The key is to get her STARTED.

Oh, and if it is really bad, bolt the box to a beam.

More power to you!

[Ellendra]

When I was working for a CC company, we were told that it was required by law that we send written confirmation that the account was closed.

Make the same demand when closing a checking account, too. Back in May I thought I’d closed 2 checking accounts (I was restructuring my business start-ups), only to find a few months later that they’d never been closed, when the bank sent notice that I was being charged inactivity fees. So I called up the bank again and demanded that they be closed, and the fees reversed. A month later the account security department at that bank sent notice that they were forcibly closing the accounts due to MY mishandling of them! So I called again, made sure I was speaking to a supervisor, and gave them a piece of my mind. They responded by claiming that I had somehow “misunderstood” and had only imagined demanding that the accounts be closed.

I’m in the process of changing banks before reporting them for attempted fraud. Unfortunately I had several types of accounts with that bank, so it’s taking a bit longer than expected to untangle my finances from them.

It was Associated Bank, if anyone was curious.

[Diana in Wisconsin]

“Honesty is the best policy ping.”

Agreed! And when I find an honest man to share my life, I’ll let you know. :)

Is it weird that I want a ‘weird’ (according to Dave) fiscally responsible man to share my life with?

I don’t think so! :)

[rawhide]

You’re smart and wise!

[CSM]

Which makes her weird! Who wants to be average anyway!

;-)

[Diana in Wisconsin]

Great! My bank, too. Grrrr! So far no problems, but they have been calling me to schedule an appointment about ‘changes at the bank’ so we’ll see what’s up with that.

Time to change to my local credit union, I’m thinking!

[Ellendra]

I looked into some of the local credit unions, but I have the added complication of needing to do my banking in 2 different cities, because of where my land is. Other than Associated, the only one with locations in both cities was Anchor Bank. We’ll see how they do.

And I, too, am waiting for the right “weirdo” for me. Which probably means I’ll be single for a while.