Posted on 10/29/2010 6:01:39 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
For you two. 
A man was walking home alone late one foggy night, when behind him he hears:
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.
FASTER...
FASTER...
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
and...
the coffin stops.
The first time I told that to my family, I almost got lynched—and I was driving!!
*groan*
“But I promise you, if one of these inevitable nuclear attacks is, God forbid, successful, Barack Obama and I will conduct tough and open negotiations with our new overlords,” said Biden. “Ol’ Joe Biden learned how to negotiate at his dad’s used car lot in Scranton PA, and if these overlords think they can swing some sort of lowball occupation deal, I’ll just tell them ‘I gotta go get my manager,’ and then... boo-yeah! In comes Barack Obama to upsell them undercoating and extra exercise yard privileges for you and me.”
After rubbing tapioca into his armpits and singing what appeared to be the Numa-Numa song, Biden mounted a Segway and crashed through a side door.
A spokesman for the Obama-Biden campaign later clarified the Senator’s remarks, and urged reporters “not to take Senator Biden’s words out of context.”
When asked what context that was, the spokesman explained that “the Senator has massive brain damage.”
See?
LOL! That was a great one!
WRITE IN C ("Let it Be") When I find my code in tons of trouble,
Friends and colleagues come to me, Speaking words of wisdom: "Write in C."
As the deadline fast approaches, And bugs are all that I can see,
Somewhere, someone whispers: "Write in C." Write in C, Write in C,
Write in C, oh, Write in C. LOGO's dead and buried, Write in C.
I used to write a lot of FORTRAN, For science it worked flawlessly. Try using it for graphics!
Write in C. If you've just spent nearly 30 hours,
Debugging some assembly, Soon you will be glad to Write in C.
Write in C, Write in C,
Write in C, yeah, Write in C. BASIC's not the answer. Write in C.
Write in C, Write in C Write in C, oh, Write in C. Pascal won't quite cut it.
Write in C.
Awsome! We get to go through your closet! I hear you have the bestest hooker clothes. :o)
*choke*
I’m sorry I asked!!
LOL!
PING for later
The average ghost is mean spirited
I like the subtlety of that one.
LOL!
Do not and I mean DO NOT take the glow in the dark bustier. I told my mom she could borrow it.
snicker
A bacteria walked into a bar and the bartender said, ‘We don’t serve bacteria in this place.’ The bacteria said, ‘But I work here, I’m staph
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