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Facebook's Phony Friendships (Do you respond to e-mails invitations to become a Facebook "friend"?)
American Thinker ^ | 10/01/2010 | Paul Schlikta

Posted on 10/01/2010 7:26:20 AM PDT by SeekAndFind

In the last few months, I have received half a dozen e-mails inviting me to become a "friend" on Facebook. Some of these are from my beloved children, some from colleagues and former students, and others from people I barely know.

In every case, I have politely declined, explaining that I detest the idea of Facebook and refuse to be emotionally blackmailed into joining it solely to avoid offending them.

My first reason for opposing Facebook is the sheer phoniness of it. "Friends" are collected and displayed, like a stud's panty collection in a frat house. The very indiscriminateness of it cheapens it. It reminds me of the scene in Kurt Vonnegut's God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater where Senator Rosewater chides his hyperidealistic son in words something like this:

"Eliot, it's as if you stood on a street corner, with a pile of squares of toilet paper with 'I love you' written on each one, and handed one out to everybody that passed by. I just don't want my square of toilet paper."

My second objection is that the very use of the word "friend" betrays its falseness. I doubt that I've ever used the word in speaking with anyone I know. If one of us were to ask "are you my friend?" the answer would automatically have to be "no"; the asking of the question implies the answer. It's like the explanation of a charming young English acquaintance that "one never calls a woman a lady unless she isn't."

My third objection is that Facebook imposes an artificial and superficial digitalization of the concept of friendship. I know hundreds, perhaps thousands of people. If pressed, I might categorize them as people I've met, acquaintances, neighbors, colleagues, friends, and loved ones. But in truth, they form a multidimensional spectrum of innumerable and delicately nuanced gradations of interest, respect, fondness, intimacy, and mutual understanding. (I don't know how many dimensions there are; as in string theory, it's always more than you think.) It would be crude and imbecilic to try to reduce these relationships into a one-dimensional, binary 0 or 1.

There's something Marxist or even Orwellian about this. At the very least, it gruesomely demonstrates how cheap and artificial our society has become, with its A- and B-lists and computer-programmed selection of Christmas card recipients.

My fourth objection is that these relationships are a private matter that I do not wish to have displayed on somebody's website.

My fifth is that the Facebook organization seems to be trying to build an evil empire -- not merely to facilitate, but to dominate the social network they have created. Otherwise, they wouldn't insist on forcing would-be friends to first become members. And they wouldn't send you repeated reminders that so-and-so wants you to be his "friend" and urging you to quickly sign up. There have been several uproars about Facebook's manipulation of its members' privacy, including encroachments that some say the Facebook organization anticipated would be unwelcome. Moreover, it appears that once you have joined, it's very difficult to cancel your account.

My final objection is that it's morally and emotionally harmful to the participants. Popular people are tempted to display their "friends" like trophies or scalps. The shy or lonely are brutally embarrassed by their poor display. It's the very essence of the cliquishness that makes high school a hell for outsiders and loners.

I'm writing this today because I think that the tragedy of Tyler Clementi is a case in point. I think it's significant that Tyler posted his suicide note on Facebook, and I wince at the irony that the mourning of his death is being commemorated on a special Facebook page. More to the point, I believe that the bizarre actions of Dharun Ravi and Molly Wei, which allegedly led to Tyler's suicide, were to a major degree the product of the Facebook-Twitter mentality that they were all victims of.

This week saw the debut of The Social Network, a movie about the genesis of Facebook. I planned to see that movie in the hope of finding out how all this idiocy started. Instead, I intend to boycott it in honor of Tyler.

And please, if you plan to join Facebook, don't send me any invitations.


TOPICS: Computers/Internet; Society
KEYWORDS: drugdealers; facebook; friend; hookers; identitythieves; illegals
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1 posted on 10/01/2010 7:26:23 AM PDT by SeekAndFind
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To: SeekAndFind

Only from Danny H


2 posted on 10/01/2010 7:27:12 AM PDT by al baby (Hi Mom REMEMBER FREE REPUBLIC IN YOUR WILL. I DID)
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To: al baby

3 posted on 10/01/2010 7:30:11 AM PDT by 1rudeboy
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Comment #4 Removed by Moderator

To: SeekAndFind

Well, my word, if he finds Facebook so loathsome, why doesn’t he close his account, and do something that makes him happy?

What a grump.


5 posted on 10/01/2010 7:32:44 AM PDT by RexBeach ("There is no such thing as a good tax." Winston Churchill)
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To: SeekAndFind

I accept FB requests only from people I know


6 posted on 10/01/2010 7:32:50 AM PDT by darkangel82 (I don't have a superiority complex, I'm just better than you.)
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To: Richbee

facebook is for schmucks.


7 posted on 10/01/2010 7:33:57 AM PDT by mamelukesabre (Si Vis Pacem Para Bellum (If you want peace prepare for war))
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To: SeekAndFind

Facebook seems to be one more path to the collective narcicism occuring in this country, which has made us soft, lazy, fearful, and invaded, etc., etc.


8 posted on 10/01/2010 7:34:06 AM PDT by RitaOK
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To: SeekAndFind

I recently put up a FB page. My kids are both in college and it helps keep the communication up. I really enjoy looking at their pictures and their friends pictures. I also use it to keep track of my racing buddies and events.

FB is like any website, it is what you make of it..


9 posted on 10/01/2010 7:35:09 AM PDT by IamConservative (Two wrongs don't make a right, but you might get even.)
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To: RexBeach

Sounds like he hasn’t opened a facebook account.
Invitations could be the ones that have been
emailed to him, I’ve gotten a couple of those,
not being a facebook user myself.


10 posted on 10/01/2010 7:35:49 AM PDT by psjones (u)
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To: SeekAndFind

That reminds me. I need to go and update my FB status.


11 posted on 10/01/2010 7:39:33 AM PDT by VRWCmember (Jesus called us to be Salt and Light, not Vinegar and Water.)
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To: RexBeach

I think he is upset that Facebook emails him whenever someone who has him in their email address book uses the find friend feature which emails him when someone new joins.

I like FB. Where else can you heckle friends and near strangers for the whole world to see. Oh, and who can decry the joys of drunk facebooking? I sometimes get up in the morning just to see what insults were hurtling the night before.


12 posted on 10/01/2010 7:39:46 AM PDT by pennyfarmer (Even a RINO will chew its foot off when caught in a trap.)
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To: psjones
he's not on facebook his name does not come up when you do a search
13 posted on 10/01/2010 7:39:47 AM PDT by jrd
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To: SeekAndFind

I had a FB acct for about one month. Got tired of the absolute BS, so deleted the acct and have not looked back.


14 posted on 10/01/2010 7:41:42 AM PDT by devane617 (November!)
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To: SeekAndFind
Do you respond to e-mails invitations to become a Facebook "friend"?

No, I gave up having imaginary friends when I was five or six.

15 posted on 10/01/2010 7:41:49 AM PDT by Non-Sequitur
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To: SeekAndFind

Geeze, Dude. Lighten up. So you don’t facebook, that’s cool, it’s a free country.


16 posted on 10/01/2010 7:46:37 AM PDT by LatinaGOP
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To: SeekAndFind
In the last few months, I have received half a dozen e-mails inviting me to become a "friend" on Facebook. Some of these are from my beloved children, some from colleagues and former students, and others from people I barely know. In every case, I have politely declined, explaining that I detest the idea of Facebook and refuse to be emotionally blackmailed into joining it solely to avoid offending them.

Ditto. I don't facebook, and won't.

It reminds me of the video wall culture from Fahrenheit 451, only miniaturized.

17 posted on 10/01/2010 7:48:55 AM PDT by Smokin' Joe (How often God must weep at humans' folly. Stand fast. God knows what He is doing.)
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To: IamConservative

I love Facebook...I’ve reconnected with people I had lost track of and enjoy seeing photos of close friend’s events (weddings, family reuions, etc.) that otherwise I would not be able to view except...it is a useful tool. Do I spend hours on the site, no, minutes is more like it, and I only respond to friend invites from people I actually know.

What I’d like to know, how come all my high school and college friends look so old, while I myself haven’t aged a bit? :)


18 posted on 10/01/2010 7:49:57 AM PDT by dawn53
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To: SeekAndFind

The guy sounds like a bit of a curmudgeon (not that there’s anything wrong with that). As a previous poster noted, if one doesn’t like Facebook, one shouldn’t BE on Facebook. To post a long rant against it is the e-equivalent of the man who protesteth too much. To paraphrase the Staple Singers, “If you don’t give a heck about the man using Facebook, just get out the way and let the gentleman do his thing.”

There’s nothing inherently immoral about Facebook. You can use it for good, even: I use mine to send out Scripture readings from the Catholic liturgy every day, and Scripture studies every week. And, while Facebooking can be (and usually is) a vacuous activity, it doesn’t have to be. That’s what self discipline is for. Either you are prone to develop self-discipline with your time, or you are not.

As far as “friends” go, I tend to keep my list extremely short: after two years on Facebook, I only have 48 “friends” though I get requests daily. I’m highly selective who I let into my circle: mostly family and people well known to me. If I had narcissistic tendencies, I suppose I could have hundreds of “Friends,” but it wouldn’t be Facebook that would have made me that way, but my own own weak will and insecure personality.


19 posted on 10/01/2010 7:51:50 AM PDT by fidelis (Zonie and USAF Cold Warrior)
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To: SeekAndFind

It is so very handy when your friends are spread out across the country. Everyone wants to see pics of the new baby, lots easier to make a FB album than any other option.


20 posted on 10/01/2010 7:52:35 AM PDT by Mr. Blonde (You ever thought about being weird for a living?)
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