Posted on 05/26/2010 7:34:33 AM PDT by MissTed
Ammonia is a lot cheaper and more effective.
What’s next; 100 proof enemas?
I guess we have a new pool of candidates for the Darwin Award....
On the average, on the whole, for the most part teens are idiots. It's amazing that as many of them make it to adulthood as they do.
My daughter is 9-years-old, I’m already terrified of the teenage years. *yiikes*
One night a man decides to visit his local bar. He takes a seat and orders a beer. After polishing off his beer, he beckons the bartender over and says, “Betcha $20 I can bite my eye.”
The bartender scoffs and accepts. The man then calmly removes his false eye and bites it. The bartender grudgingly forks over a twenty.
Later that night, after a few more beers, the man wanders back to the bar and says rather drunkenly, “Hey barkeep, betcha another $20 I can bite my other eye.”
Wanting to win back his money and seriously doubtful that the man has two false eyes, the bartender accepts. The man calmly removes his false teeth and bites his other eye. Scowling, the bartender hands over another twenty. The man leaves and wanders around the bar as he drinks a few more beers.
He strolls back over to the bar, leaning on it, again and calls the bartender, “Hey, barkeep,” he burbles, “I’ll give you a chance to win yer money back plus. Betcha $100 if you put a shot glass on that end of the bar, and I stood on this end, I could pee into it and not spill a drop.”
The bartender eagerly accepts, knowing the feat to be impossible. The man wobbly climbs atop the bar, zips down his fly and promptly urinates all over the bar. He zips up, sits down, slaps the $100 on the bar and laughs uproarously.
“What’s so funny?” says the barkeep. “You just lost everything you won and more!”
Well,” giggles the man, “I just bet those guys over there $200 that I could pee all over your bar and you wouldn’t get angry.”
You eyeballin me boy?
See reason #10.
SIGNS YOU MAY BE DRINKING TOO MUCH
1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
2. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
3. Job interfering with your drinking.
4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
5. Career won’t progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.
6. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
7. Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
8. 24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case - coincidence?
9. Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT’S a drinking problem!
10. You can focus better with one eye closed.
11. The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
12. Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
13. Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
14. Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.
15. At AA meetings you begin: “Hi, my name is... uh...”
16. Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
17. The whole bar says ‘Hi’ when you walk in.
18. You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and Women.
19. Every night you’re beginning to find your roommate’s cat more and more attractive.
20. Roseanne looks good.
21. Don’t recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
22. That stupid pink elephant followed me home again.
23. Senator’s Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.
24.”I’m as jober as a sudge.”
25. The shrubbery’s drunk from too frequent watering.
Hey....it’s their eyes!
Well, you just be sure to keep all the rules of the house intact. Don’t allow her to go out every night of the week either. Keep religion, rules, respect for herself number one, her family and her God first and foremost. Make sure she is doing useful things for others in her life. Make her stay on top of her studies and think about what she wants to do in life and don’t give in to the FADS they call fashion. Teach her to be INDEPENDENT and not fall victim to what others THINK she should do. Teach her to use her mind and make her own decisions. Teach her to be a leader and not a follower. Teach her to CHOOSE her friends and don’t let them choose her!!!
Teach her to look for joy in all things...even homework!!! Eat dinner together and talk, talk, talk. Teach her to do chores around the house and help you and all other family members and vice versa.
Doing laundry, dishes, etc...is good for the soul and won’t hurt her. Teach her that how the girls behave on TV and on Girls Gone Wild and Spring break is NOT how young girls and women should behave. it is wrong, vulgar and the boys don’t like the girls for it...they just like what the girls allow them to see. There is NO RESPECT from the boys towards those girls.
Teach her to be responsible and to know she has to answer for what she does in life as with every choice comes a responsibility and a consequence...good or bad but...it is there.
Last of all show her she is loved and respected and admired for who she is and how she lives her life.
That’s ALL you can do but...it sure as hell is one big start. God bless you and your daughter and rest of your family. Keep them close and pray for them everyday. Sounds to me like they will be just fine. Just don’t worry so much about it...just work on it now and teach all the right things AT HOME.
I've seen occasional talk shows which feature people with extreme tats or piercings or whatever and they usually all say the same thing: I do it because my body is the one thing I have total control over. Okay, that's true. You can do it, nobody can stop you. But by accepting the premise that you don't control your own life outside the bounds of your flesh, you cede your own future. Worse, you doom it to a narrow range of possibilities forever. Will anyone want a lawyer or a doctor or a senator or a priest with a Hello Kitty tat on his forehead? Nope. Warehouse worker it is then.
Where do this idiots come from?....Sounds like we need some serious gene poll cleaning.....
I remember when it was a REEEELY big deal to smoke a cigarette in the boys room at school. Gee...the things I MISSED growing up in the 60’s!!
Remember when your Mom said “if all your friends were jumping off a cliff, would you jump with them”? Can there be any better illustration?
Sheesh, you know, it’s great that kids that the internet and cel phones and texting and video games and sex when they’re 13 but if this is a measure of how frickin bored they are, they can have it.
UK teens - the living abortions of socialism.
Waste of good vodka.
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