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How To Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting To Kill You
http://www.catswhothrowupgrass.com/kill.php ^ | Unknown | Mathew Inman

Posted on 05/13/2010 5:09:15 PM PDT by Ready4Freddy

Funny stuff


TOPICS: Conspiracy; Humor; Pets/Animals
KEYWORDS: cats; kill; kittyping; notazotthread; vikingkitties; vk; you
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To: Dr. Scarpetta

Ah, now i feel better. thanks for the memory!
I wish I had named my cat Toonces. Why didn’t I?


41 posted on 05/14/2010 12:10:25 PM PDT by Mountain Mary ("No weapon is as formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women" Ronald Reagan)
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To: Young Werther

I have a cat named Rambo too! He’s a sweetheart, though. Except when he takes a swat at me when I stop petting him, LOL.


42 posted on 05/14/2010 1:37:05 PM PDT by jalisco555 ("My 80% friend is not my 20% enemy" - Ronald Reagan)
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To: Ready4Freddy
Is your cat plotting to kill you?
43 posted on 05/14/2010 2:06:43 PM PDT by Huntress (Who the hell are you to tell me what's in my best interests?)
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To: Frenchtown Dan

I had a white fuzzy cat(similar to an angora)that I rescued when I was a young boy. The family loved him and he grew to the size you are talking about(20 lbs or so). He was hell at catching most animals but had a hard time with birds(I believe the white color gave him away). One morning when he didn’t show up for his daily feeding I found him ont ehe bank of the creek(we lived out in the country)dead, with a dead raccoon lying beside him. They were both ripped to shreds. I could only imagine they fought and killed each other. I surely missed that cat for a long time and have never had another like him.


44 posted on 05/14/2010 5:52:53 PM PDT by calex59
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To: calex59

I know what you mean.

My first car was a ‘57 Chevy Belair my sister gave me in ‘67. Tom would get under the hood and sit by the engine block on cold nights every now and then. Sometimes he stayed in the house and others outside. Sometimes he would be gone for a few days.

One morning I was on my way to my part time job and forgot to look for Tom as I shut the door. That’s when he would run out if he was by the engine. The doors were pretty heavy and would make a decent enough noise when opened and closed to wake him up, and to scoot off. Except this one morning he didn’t run out, and I forgot to check. He got caught in the fan. Being mostly white, at first I thought it was snowing, but the sound of him banging into the underside of the hood made me realize something terrible was happening. So, I inadvertantly killed my own cat that I had rescued many years before. He was the last cat I had.

Now we have a dog, my daughter is allergic to cats. Max is an Austrailian Shepard we got him from a women who tries to find homes for puppies that would otherwise be euthanized.
He’s a great dog, lovable, smart, and a good watchdog.


45 posted on 05/15/2010 3:10:47 AM PDT by Frenchtown Dan
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To: Ready4Freddy

It's not my owner that I'm planning on killing...it's those dang 'rap playing, loud mouth, slob neighbors' that are on my list and I will get them!

46 posted on 05/15/2010 9:42:06 AM PDT by Outlaw Woman (Control the American people? Herding cats would be easier.)
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To: Jonah Hex

Thanks for the laugh! Perfect caption for the look on his face!


47 posted on 05/15/2010 6:05:15 PM PDT by Sunshine Sister
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To: Ready4Freddy

This is so funny, thanks for posting it.


48 posted on 06/10/2010 1:17:55 PM PDT by diamond6 (Pray the Rosary to defeat communism and Obamacare!!)
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To: Ready4Freddy
LMAO

I know we have all seen this.. but its worth re-posting. Myself, I grind up the pills (I have to do this every freaking day, and I have the cat that the below was written about) mix it with the cat food gravy, put it into a needle-less syringe and squirt the mixture into the cat's mouth. I have saved much blood this way, my knuckle still isn't the same from the last time he bit through it.... Yea, had to PULL it off the cats tooth, try THAT while the bugger is chewing you... RAWR. Good thing I love him to pieces.....

 

HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL
by Source unknown

How hard can it be to get a pill into a cat - but for anyone who has tried (and failed) this light hearted look will strike a chord - hopefully you'll be laughing so much you'll forget the pain and those scars will fade in time ...

The following is purely for fun and must not be taken literally! If you've had problems getting your cat to take its medicine, let me know - if it's funny or interesting I'll post it on here for everyone to see - there HAS to be an easier way - RIGHT???

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees. Hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check the label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbour’s shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for the date of last tetanus jab. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Ring Fire Brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid the cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie cat’s paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Get spouse to drive you to Casualty, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters. ....

HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL

16. Wrap it in bacon (sound familiar, anyone?)

 

I do STRESS that this article is for humorous purposes only. Under no circumstances should you ever go to these lengths to encourage a cat to take a pill.


49 posted on 06/11/2010 1:48:49 PM PDT by Danae (Don't like the Constitution, try living in a country with out one.)
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To: Ready4Freddy
LOL This turned out pretty good considering the whole daily syringe thing....

Is your cat plotting to kill you?
50 posted on 06/11/2010 1:50:45 PM PDT by Danae (Don't like the Constitution, try living in a country with out one.)
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To: RichInOC

LOL!


51 posted on 06/11/2010 1:50:52 PM PDT by trisham (Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.)
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To: Daffynition

WTF???????


52 posted on 06/11/2010 1:51:22 PM PDT by Danae (Don't like the Constitution, try living in a country with out one.)
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To: RichInOC

ROTFLMAO~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Does he has six toes on his front paws???????


53 posted on 06/11/2010 1:51:58 PM PDT by Danae (Don't like the Constitution, try living in a country with out one.)
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To: Ready4Freddy

All cats would kill their owners if they were just big enough.


54 posted on 06/11/2010 2:09:05 PM PDT by Nachoman (Think of life as an adventure you don't survive.)
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To: diamond6
You're quite welcome, d6. Looks like you've given the thread another lease on life.
55 posted on 06/11/2010 2:14:27 PM PDT by Ready4Freddy ("It's not the number of burnt cars that worries me. It's the fact that everyone finds this normal..")
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To: Ready4Freddy

My cat marked my husband the other night. She was nearly a dead cat. Seems she was marking things she had no affection for, as she also marked the bath.


56 posted on 06/11/2010 2:16:32 PM PDT by HungarianGypsy
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To: Ready4Freddy

57 posted on 06/11/2010 2:17:37 PM PDT by dfwgator
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To: Nachoman

All cats would kill their owners if they were just big enough.
________________________________________________________

That’s what my husband says! He maintains that if we were mouse size, Bo would have eliminated us years ago!


58 posted on 06/11/2010 2:26:19 PM PDT by MWestMom (Tread carefully, truth lies here.)
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To: Ready4Freddy

I couldn’t resist. I just love cats, wish I wasn’t allergic.

But come to think of it, my allergy may actually be a conspiracy of some cats trying to poison me.


59 posted on 06/11/2010 2:32:26 PM PDT by diamond6 (Pray the Rosary to defeat communism and Obamacare!!)
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To: Mountain Mary
I’ve always thought of my cat as being sweet and innocent. Upon his first trip to the Vet,however, I found out that he has another “side” to him.

Sounds like my daughter's male Russian Blue. Biggest baby in the world, total sweetie pie. Right up until the vet tries to take his temperature. Then he comes unstuck, all the claws and teeth come out, and look out!!

60 posted on 06/11/2010 2:41:36 PM PDT by Hoffer Rand (There ARE two Americas: "God's children" and the tax payers)
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