Posted on 12/31/2009 1:59:47 PM PST by paulycy
Happy New Year's Eve!
Have the spirits got you???
Guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender.
The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini." The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "168". The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.
The guy leaves, but he is curious, so he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says," What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini". Again, the robot makes a great martini, gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "100." The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.
The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini", and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "Uh, about 50." The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you people still happy you voted for Obama?"
hmmmmm gooood! Happy 2010 The Ukraine!!!!
anti-bump
I hate drunks.
Happy New Year, don-o!
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.
“She rolled her eyes and said, “You must be a Conservative.”
“I am,” replied the man. “How did you know?”
“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help to me.”
The man smiled and responded, “You must be a Liberal.”
“I am,” replied the balloonist. “How did you know?”
“Well,” said the man, “you don’t know where you are or where you are going. You’ve risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it’s my fault.”
Don't blame you. Two cups of coffee with a shot of Bailey's Irish Cream in each hardly turns one into a drunk, however. :0)
Happy New Year!
HA! That’s a new on to me. Excellent!!
Happy New Year, jess!
Well la-de-dah... see if I barf on your shoes.
Paging Tom Collins!
Happy happy!
Doesn’t the pious, sanctimonious crowd here sometimes get too much?
Sometimes I think they would prefer we lived in the era of the temperance movement and played checkers by candlelight in an old farmhouse, only to retire for bed at 8:00 p.m.
That is a thing of beauty!
Yeah, but they get ALL the babes.
Drunks don't care.
LOL! That's an awfully funny line.
Happy New Year!
“Sometimes I think they would prefer we lived in the era of the temperance movement...”
My great grandmother was actually ‘poet laureate’ of the WCTU. I don’t resemble her at all. :-) We’ll be quaffing some home made-wine tonight.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.