Posted on 12/29/2009 2:01:18 PM PST by County Agent Hank Kimball
I used to read Barry all the time but haven't lately. It seems as if he's become more conservative? Or is it just that he isn't a knee-jerk lefty, so most of his barbs are going at the Dems since they're in power? I only counted 2 mild barbs at the right: on at Sarah Palin and the other at conservatives who opposed Obama's speech to school kids.
I think most here will really enjoy this.
Hank
I think this should have been in Breaking News! XD
btt
That was great. Thanks for posting it!
omg, this is GREAT ........ping!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But...but....isn’t Dave Barry dead? Has his ghost risen up
in protest of the most incompetent and corrupt presidency
in our history!???
Thanks for the ping, bitt.
Thanks bitt. I used to read Dave Barry all the time in my newspaper. Believe he took a hiatus and it’s been a LONG one!
I used to read a LOT of things in my newspaper....until it became unreadable.. I really miss the Macy’s coupons tho... :(
here’s another column:go to the website to get the links to the items he recommends
http://www.miamiherald.com/living/columnists/dave-barry/v-print/story/1365659.html
Dear Santa, please pay no attention to this list
BY DAVE BARRY
In these troubled economic times, when money is scarce for many people, it’s important that we remind ourselves, and our loved ones, that the holiday season is not about buying things.
Then we and our loved ones can enjoy a hearty laugh, because, of COURSE the holiday season is about buying things. Now more than ever, the U.S. retail economy depends on consumers spending money they don’t actually have on gifts that nobody actually needs. That is the thinking behind the federal government’s recently passed $783-billion Emergency Holiday Retail Stimulus Act, which will be used to purchase, among other things, what the White House has described as ``a cheese log the size of the Chrysler Building.’’
When it comes to gifts that nobody needs, you will not find a better source than our annual Holiday Gift Guide, which we have produced every single year without a break since the discovery of America. As you might imagine, it’s a major effort. The process begins in early spring, when we contact leading lifestyle trendsetter celebrities such as Beyoncé, Bret Favre and Queen Elizabeth II to ask them what gift ideas they believe will be ``hot’’ this holiday season. Within hours — such is the prestige of this Gift Guide — we get a personal response from every single one of these celebrities’ legal representatives, informing us that we have violated our restraining order. Then we take eight months off.
Approximately two weeks before our deadline, we return to work, refreshed, and get on the Internet to order a batch of products that meet the three strict criteria for inclusion in the Holiday Gift Guide:
CRITERION ONE: The item is in stock.
CRITERION TWO: The item makes us wonder what kind of idiot, aside from us, would ever actually buy it.
CRITERION THREE: Now that we think about it, there really are just the two criteria.
As the gift items arrive at the Gift Guide Command Center, our trained professional staff, Judi, puts them through a rigorous testing procedure consisting of putting them on the floor next to her desk. When they have all arrived, we turn the items over to Bob the photographer, who takes pictures of them with models selected on the basis of being people Bob can talk into posing with embarrassing products in exchange for no money.
Yes, it’s a lot of work, but it’s work that we feel we must do if we are going to continue to avoid doing anything productive. And it is because of this rigorous procedure that we are able to offer you our exclusive:
HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE QUALITY ASSURANCE GUARANTEE WARRANTY
If you purchase any item featured in this Gift Guide, and you are, for any reason — such as permanent disfigurement — not 100 percent satisfied, simply place the item in a one-quart resealable clear plastic bag, take it to any municipal airport and put it on the moving belt going into the X-ray machine. Then give the ``thumbs-up’’ signal to the TSA personnel operating the machine. They will know what to do.
Confident? You bet we are. And you’ll understand why once you take a gander at this year’s Gift Guide lineup:
Dave Barry’s 2009 Gift Guide
* Educational sperm snow globe
* Poop box
* Jerky pistol
* Nose shower-gel dispenser
* Metal-detecting sandals
* Whoppair boxing gloves
* NFL Garden Gnome
* Beer pager
* Stink-finder ultraviolet light
* Golf club drink dispenser
* Wine glass holder necklace (set of two)
Dave Barry is not dead. I am, and he’s never at the meetings.
Laughing about the coupons. My newspaper is still readable with lots of reader feedback on the editorial page. Town of 65 thousand and still more conservative until the illegals eventually take over....
Liked Barry's Christmas list. I have kids coming in this weekend for a second round of Christmas....still have shopping to do!
Waaa, I wanted a Charlie Brown Christmas tree and they sold out before I got to the store!
Thanks for the ping!
Thanks for the link. I’ve got several of his books and I think he’s one of the great humorists.
I really appreciate that he’s a true down-the-middle kind of guy. I’ve always believed that columnists - humorists or otherwise - who aren’t explicitly conservative will eventually become explicitly liberal. Barry seems to be an exception to that rule.
Hank
Thanks...good stuff.
Does anybody here know what ever happened to P.J. O’Rourke? I always thought of him as a conservative Dave Barry....but haven’t heard anything from him in years.
Hank
I keep a copy in close proximity.
You never know when it'll come in handy. ;o)
Somali Pirates' fault.
IMMORAL, INCOMPETENT, NOT VERY WISE
Tune: "Immortal, Invisible, God Only Wise"
Immoral, incompetent,
Not very wise;
This year of Obama meant
Murphy applies.
The change they believed in
Since Bo was a pup
Got shortchanged and even
Got all wee-wee'd up.
The bailouts, the skeptic
Said, won't stimulate;
The failure was epic--
A ten is worth eight.
The shovel is ready
To dig a new hole;
The trend line is steady--
It's Dear Leader's poll.
Insurance guy smirking,
But you might be jailed;
The system is working,
The underwear failed.
Incompetence conquers,
It's running amok;
But don't tell the Congress--
On stupid they're stuck.
On Holder, on Nappy,
On Crusty and Joe!
Is anyone happy
With Barry's Team O?
Let's all call a summit
And cry in our beer;
The worst thing about it--
It's just the first year!
Very FUnny! May your lutefisk ever be shimmery!
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