Complaint Box | Picky Eaters

NYT ^ | 11-20-09 | SUSAN GOLDBERG

[dynachrome]

Having friends over for dinner used to involve a minimal and fairly unremarkable to-do list: There were groceries to buy, along with flowers and a couple of bottles of semi-respectable wine. I would put out some guest towels and a collection of fancy soaps that were off limits to blood relatives, and then — voilà! — dinner was served. Preparing for a dinner party these days is far more complex, thanks to a vast and bewildering array of dietary needs that seem to have suddenly overtaken everyone I know.

Complaint Box Steamed? Dish out the peeves. Send your essays — no more than 500 words, please — to: metropolitan@nytimes.com. An unscientific survey of family and friends turns up one acquaintance who is kosher, two who are more like kosher-style, in addition to two vegans, a smattering of lacto-vegetarians and a couple who cannot digest gluten of any kind. Accommodations must be made for my mother-in-law, who is lactose intolerant, and a friend who is dangerously and inconveniently allergic to peanuts. I must know at least a dozen women who have declared lifelong war on complex carbohydrates. And then there’s my daughter, a wispy and tender-hearted flower child who prefers not to eat “anything with a face” (although she will sometimes make random and completely unreasonable exceptions for hot dogs and pepperoni).

[dynachrome]

I like the tapas idea. Along with the wine, of course!

[yefragetuwrabrumuy]

Tapas can be a bit rich at times, so antipasto gives you the chance to lay out a diverse assortment, and stray from purely Italian, but keep it a tad lighter. A favorite is a selection of unusual jams and jellies with toast points. Though it is seldom done anymore, because few people do it right, a fondue can work.

And of course, coffees and teas are the punctuation marks to a great meal, and a good alternative both for those who shun alcohol, and those who select herb tea for its digestive qualities.

[goseminoles]

Martha? Is that you?

j/k. Good post.

[Ronin]

I make it a point to let the guests know what will be on the menu and ask if they have any problems with it. I also tell them, if they are bringing a friend, they need to make sure there are no issues. However, that is as far as I am willing to go.

Many years ago, a friend ignored me and brought a vegan to a bbq (because she was such a hottie and he was sure there had to be some veggies around) but I ended up asking both of them to leave when she started on her “meat is murder” spiel.

Well, actually, I told him if she can’t shut up about the meat, he should give her a carrot and tell her to eat in the car.

They decided to leave shortly after that.

[fightinJAG]

Except that we find we have fewer and fewer people to have over for dinner!

It is so ridiculous. We encountered this some when we lived in a more foodie-oriented place. But then we moved to a more rural town and it’s even worse, from a different direction!

Forget about a homemade, even very basic non-foodie vinagrette. If the bottled Italian dressing isn’t the brand a person is used to, not only does it not get eaten, it is greeted with an audible and visible grimace.

I have been at breakfast with someone who, when the hostess put out a box of corn flakes among other noncontroversial/can’t-you-get-a-few-spoonsful-down foods, a guest said, “Don’t you have FROSTED flakes?” Yes, this was an adult (chronologically).

I had a guest refuse every single thing we offered to drink. I finally said, “Would you like a glass of water then?” “No. I hate water.” She could have at least said, “I’m good” or equivalent. But “I hate water?,” still waiting for the host to come up with some magic liquid that meets her mysterious requirements.

I can roll with this. But why would I want to? The point of having people over for dinner or just to nosh is to have fun and fellowship. When the potato chips are “weird” because they’re Utz instead of Lays, I give up. That’s not fun.